(Lightly) Trolling Terry Pratchett, Bruce Campbell, Jean-Louis Gassee and others
Trolling is a much maligned, little understood artform.
Never has this been more apparent than when a recent article
I published on Reddit went to the front page, resulting in 70,000 blog hits.
Aside from a bemused minority, the comments were generally from people appalled
by the very idea of being a troll.
That’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what trolling is.
Trolling is not hurling racial epithets, threats of violence, and jokes about
banging your mother. That’s griefing. Trolling is not merely offering an
unpopular opinion. These mischaracterizations have led to today’s negative
attitude against anything associated with the word troll.
In reality, trolling is a more-or-less benign form of joke
writing. Humorous fictions presented as reality. At the very least, that is how
trolling began. Even Wikipedia gets it wrong. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll)
A great example of this would be the Rectilear Kitten troll. (https://www.wired.com/2001/02/fbi-goes-after-bonsaikitten-com/)
This simple webpage with a few photographs led to an FBI investigation. It detailed
the process of growing a bonsai kitten in jar. From the first sentences, it was
utterly absurd. But that didn’t stop the less clued-in members of the Internet
from promoting a wide-spread campaign of outrage against the site. Years after, Snopes even published a fact check on the matter. (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/bonsai-kittens/)
So who is the villain here? The author of an obvious joke
website, or the early-stage Karens who were unable to distinguish parody from
reality? One recipe for bonsai kitties recommended using a Klein bottle. That
is to say, a bottle with no openings…
These absurd reactions are why people troll in the first
place. Even groups that consider themselves too sophisticated to be trolled can
fall victim to their own biases.
One of my most recent trolls of the past few years managed
to snow the entirety of Ancapistan, the anarcho-capitalist group on Facebook, many of
whom are trolls themselves. I befriended an young gentleman named Anand, and
through a series of posts and backchannel communication, managed to convince
the group that Anand was a sockpuppet (fake identity) of mine. We let this controversy
build and swell before letting everyone know that they were hoodwinked. An epic
trolling of some seven hundred people who thought they were above that sort of
thing.
A few weeks ago, one of the most harmless trolls on the
Internet was doxed and then swatted. Osvaldo12 can scarcely even be considered
a troll. He writes funny, harmless tweets. For that, he was almost killed.
Again, who is the real menace, here? People who write funny
stuff, or those without the capacity to understand the humor?
It’s become popular to attribute literal terrorism like
swatting to trolls, for some reason. But that’s not trolling, it’s an act of
violence. The conflation probably began when a group of 4Chan people
started “pranking” the managers of fast food restaurants into breaking all of
their own windows over fake gas leaks. Could that be considered ‘trolling’?
Perhaps by the most extreme definition, but it’s hardly the norm.
Being open to interpretation, trolling can lead to a wide
variety of reactions, some of which are unintended. While many people saw the
essential humor in my site Reptilian Watch, I also got a lot of email
from people who sincerely felt that aliens were disrupting their lives...
One of my more impactful trolls, although short-lived,
involved a fake movie rumor website. The idea was to start rumors that would
drive fanboys nuts, and just possibly get some movies produced as a result. Hollywood
Inciter was a collection of joke movie ideas peppered with a few actual new
releases. It somehow led to interactions with Terry Pratchett, Bruce Campbell, and
editor/producer Stuart Kincaid. That’s a lot of reactions for something I spent
a few hours on, at most.
Pratchett personally responded to my rumor regarding “The Colour of Magic” being produced by Peter Jackson. “Not bloody likely”, he said. Nevertheless, it was made into a mini-series a few years later.
Likewise, Mr. Campbell emailed me to tell me that Evil Dead 4 “ain’t gonna happen”. It sort of did, though, via the remake.
Stu contacted me about Repo Man 3, and sent me a copy of “A Texas Tale of Treason”, which recounts the attempt to produce Alex Cox’s Repo
Man sequel, “Waldo’s Hawaiian Holiday”. Cox famously revoked the rights after
production had gone on over a year.
Great guys, all. Well, except for the true to his name Cox.
Now, I possibly did give the CEO of Be, Inc., Jean-Louis Gassee a slight panic attack when I emailed him about some potentially fake Be, Inc. documents regarding a BeOS-powered AR gaming system. What I sent when he replied back were my own silly designs, and rather than being upset, it led to a discussion of the feasibility, and this hand-written note he later sent to me.
A great sport, JLG is. He took my light-hearted ribbings on BeDoper well, also.
While trolling is a pretty broad umbrella, the best it offers, and by the definition many of the old-school trolls most accept, it is a literary artform to be celebrated. Internet performance art of the highest order.
Welcome to the Hollywood Inciter, your source for the latest movie news. All sources are confidential, so if you have a juicy tidbit, send it on to the editor. UPDATED DAILY IF WE HAVE SOMETHING.
Allow myself to introduce...myself. Call me, oh, Jim. I live in Los Angeles, California and I'm a drug dealer and pimp. Need some coke? Heroin? DMT? A sixteen year-old virgin? I procure those items for my customers on a daily basis. And most if not all of my customers are in the movie industry. And that is where I get my information. So, while some of it may be drug-addled and confused, there's also a certain honesty that comes with altered states. (Note to law enforcement agencies: I am not the webmaster/editor of this site, that person resides in Louisiana and is otherwise unconnected to my actvities.) Having gotten that out of the way, here is a 2005 scorecard of my news, rumours and predictions.
| MOVIE | ACCURACY | CONFIRMED |
|---|---|---|
Atlas Shrugged | 70% (May or may not be in multiple parts) | |
Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Not being produced) | 100% (Subject to change, of course) | |
Desperation | 88% (Mini-series, not feature film) | |
Pulp Fiction 2 | 65% (Travolta Says Yes) | |
Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers | 88% (Voice Actors Not Announced) | |
Meg | 70% (Different Director) |
Ok, so technically, I get an 'F', but this scorecard is mainly based on IMDB.com, since I feel most film fans trust that site implicitly. Several more are in the works, but have not reached the stage where they are common knowledge.
2006
(Sorry, did a little jail time. A word of advice: don't deal to Robert Downey, jr.)
April 17, 2006 - Most people don't know that this fall's "Over The Hedge" is the big-screen adaptation of TV's "The Get-Along Gang". | Fans of the TV show Charmed should be happy to know that there will be a single Charmed movie later this year.
January 21, 2006 - More on Evil Dead 4. It will closely follow the plotline of the excellent Evil Dead: Resurrection video game. | A "Repo Man 3" script is being written. Nevermind that there was no "Repo Man 2".
2004-2005
December 11, 2005 - Hi I don't think this is particularly juicy, but the "Something Else" Peter Jackson will be directing is an adaptation of the book "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. Cheers, Proud New Zealander and Peter Jackson fan. (From Bill and Ted and Carol and Alice apparently all live together.) | I forgot to mention Peter Jackson's "Halo" movie. But it will probably be horrible.
December 3, 2005 - EXCLUSIVE! Roland concept art from the Gunslinger movie! Diehard fans will have a few problems with the way he looks. | After King Kong, The Hobbit. After the Hobbit, Something Else. After Something Else? Peter Jackson will produce "The Color of Magic", the first of Terry Pratchett's beloved Discworld books.
November 12, 2005 - Is the world ready for "The Big Lebowski 2: Lost in Las Vegas"? "Everville", Clive Barker's follow-up to "Great and Secret Show" will go into production to coincide with the release of the third book in the trilogy. In other words, ten years from now.
August 17, 2005 - John Woo To Direct Wu Movie. Clive Barker's "Great and Secret Show" has been optioned by Universal.
July 10, 2005 - George Lucas has optioned Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon and Snow Crash. Again with the _Birdman_: Quentin Tarantino so enjoyed directing CSI: Las Vegas that he'd like to do more TV work. He's looking at current sitcoms that could be twisted to his unique vision, and is even considering a mini-series based on his screenplay for the film _From Dusk Till Dawn_.
June 26, 2005 - Since the 2003 release of _Toolbox Murders_ it seems like Tobe Hooper (_Texas Chain Saw Massacre_) is ready to give up TV sitcoms and horror anthologies and return to film-making. Your Inciter has confirmed that talks are ongoing between Hooper and zombie master George Romero (_Land Of The Dead_) to collaborate on a remake of Hooper's 1985 classic, _Lifeforce_. If Romero's _Land Of The Dead_ performs as expected at the box office, his funding problems may be over. (From our underscore-happy west coast correspondent Jet Li Harvey Birdman). Bug-eyed goth freaks rejoice! Neil Gaiman's "Neverwhere" is coming to a theater near you. Next year.
May 1, 2005 - Thankfully, there will be no Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy sequels.
April 26, 2005 - A Micronauts Movie! - Such a fine line between generations, eh? Transformers bad, Miconauts good.
April 16, 2005 - Rapper MC Ren is set to play T'Challa in the movie version of the comic Black Panther, from Universal. | Is the world ready for Napoleon Dynamite 2? The entire cast is returning. In the meantime, get the action figures. | Enthused by the success of Metallica's "Some Kind Of Monster", Jewish thrash act Slayer are resurrecting their feature-length horror movie "Face The Slayer".
April 9, 2005 - Oh, joy. A Transformers movie...
March 22, 2005 - Bruce Campbell, fresh from his soon-to-be television hit Alien Apocalypse, will star in "Tarnsman of Gor", the first in a series of films based on the novels by John Norman.
February 14, 2005- TWO Cheech and Chong movies?
February 12, 2005 - "Wasted Years" mixes live action and animation to tell the story of an 80s teen going mad, featuring mascot "Eddie". Yes, it's an Iron Maiden movie, loosely based on "Still Life" from 'Piece of Mind'. The best part is, only old Iron Maiden tunes will be used.
February 12, 2005 - Finally, a movie worth seeing: "We Jam Econo", the story of punk band The Minutemen.
January 8, 2005 - Vs. Superman. A Scanner Darkly stills.
January 8, 2005 - Sharon Stone's Snatch vs The Six Million Dollar Man.
January 8, 2005 - Quentin Tarantino has another project in the works. He's bet purported boy toy George Clooney "a handjob" that he can make Hildegard of Bingen a household name in 2006 with a feature film about her life.
December 23, 2004 - Call of Cthulu - The Musical! Ok, not really a musical.
December 18, 2004 - William Gibson's 'Neuromancer' is finally being made into a film...finally.
December 18, 2004 - Slick Rick will star in 'A Children's Story', to be directed by Roman Polanski. | Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End" will be made into a feature film to be released in 2007. | "Desperation", the once-filmed Stephen King movie is being reshot and reedited for release.
December 11, 2004 - Pulp Fiction 2 is coming. Tarantino is said to be "looking for a challenge". This film will include ALL of the original cast, and focus on events both before and after the original Pulp Fiction.
December 9, 2004 - A Babylon 5 movie? You geek...
December 7, 2004 - Depite being a really bad idea, the Doom movie is still in production. | Kingpin 2? I wonder if it will have another bull semen drinking scene? | The Beastie Boys' movie 'Scared Stupid' is back from the dead after 15 years in limbo. It will feature a cameo by Mike Watt (Minutemen/Firehose) and some footage from the late Ricky Powell. UPDATE: Ricky Powell lives! That will make the film a lot easier to put together, I think.
December 5, 2004 - Toy Story 3? Yes. Pixar? Probably not.
December 4, 2004 - Confirmed: Indiana Jones IV. The Tenacious D movie "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" has been pushed back to summer 2005, due to the fact that the film is very ambitious and costly in its current incarnation. Early readers of the script also deemed it 'too cerebral'.
December 3, 2004 - Ayn Rand's epic novel 'Atlas Shrugged' will finally be translated into film form. It will be brought to the silver screen in three parts, the second consisting almost entirely of a speech by Hank Reardon. UPDATE: The speech is by John Galt, not Hank Reardon.
December 2, 2004 - The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers cartoon is now a reality. John Goodman has been cast as Fat Freddy Freak, and Steve Buscemi as Phineas Freak, and it will be animated by Ralph Bakshi.
Update: The Bolex Brothers are doing this film, not Bakshi.
December 1, 2004 - "Cunt: The Traci Lords Story" is being passed around Hollywood, much as she herself was. It will probably undergo a title change before the final release.
November 30, 2004 - Yeah, baby! Piers Anthony's "On A Pale Horse" is slated for a December 2005 film release with Kevin Bacon.
November 30, 2004 - More Philip K. Dick News: "Counterclock World" will come to the big screen next year, with cinematography by Spike Jonez of "Being John Malkovich" and "Adaptation" fame.
November 29, 2004 - Evil Dead 4? Looks like it's go time for Ash.
November 28, 2004 - "Meg: A Novel Of Deep Terror" is back in production again, with Steven Spielberg AND James Cameron manning the helm.
November 27, 2004 - Philip K. Dick fans will rejoice at the news that a "Man in the High Castle" film will be produced, with filming due to start in 2006.
November 26, 2004 - Stephen King has started pre-production on the Gunslinger series of movies. King will play himself in this 21 picture epic, and will film his parts first, before he gets hit by another van and dies or something. It's not like he'll be busy writing or anything.
November 26, 2004 - Listen to "Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand", a song that will NOT be on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy soundtrack, due to failed negotiations. It does have HHGTTG references, though.
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