How Not To Be A Successful Writer

 

Ten years after publishing my most popular novel, Radar Love, I am finalizing the edit. That is exactly as ridiculous as it sounds. And I’m really only doing it because one very special narrator is taking the audiobook on as her first project. It’s pretty terrible that I would need that sort of reinforcement. Afterall, it’s always been highly regarded by almost anyone who has ever read it. Not only that, but it was the book that was most dear to me, back then. I’ve finally shelled out for a professional model for the cover, which it fully deserves. I’m resisting the urge to do the layout myself, handing over the task to James of https://www.GoOnWrite.com. I’m making tentative plans for a promotional campaign for the relaunch.

In short, I’m doing everything I should have done before I ever published a word.

All of this has caused me to really contemplate how I screwed up my publishing career at every possible turn, and how you might benefit from my mistakes. I am a good example of a bad example. Do the opposite of what I did, and you should see a lot more commercial success.

For the very act of writing itself, you probably don’t want to be motivated by external factors, while at the same time, approach it in part as a job or business. Sad to say, but I have always written for a person other than myself. Sure, they’re my words. But without someone to write for, I am rather unmotivated. Likewise, writing was a hobby, not an attempt at a career. A mistake on both accounts. Because what happens if that person is no longer in your life? That happened to me midway through the series that Radar Love kicked off. Write for yourself, and you’ll always have an audience that approves. While I do have someone I should be writing for currently, it’s a different book entirely. Look, I can’t take my own advice, okay? But I can freely dispense it.

While writing is a hobby, and a damn good one, once you publish on a commercial site, it becomes more than that, regardless of your intention. Books without readers are like fish-shaped bicycles. Or something.

I published *four* novels on Amazon in the space of about a month. Then I just kept on writing. Don’t do that. Not only should you not release anything that is less than perfect, a schedule of a book every three to four months will help your exposure.

I made my own terrible, slapped together, rushed covers because I wanted the stories out there. Don’t. Just don’t. There is no pressure, no time requirements set upon your publishing. And a lackluster cover can sink you from the start.

I recommend unique, licensed artwork, if you can at all pull that off. Today’s internet is crawling with talented artists in all fields. Look for them. Reddit alone can yield more skilled graphic artists, photographers, and even 3D modelers than you could ever use. They are out there. One of them is perfect for your book. A skilled typographer is worth as least as much as great cover art, furthermore. In this case, at least, I was lucky to have met James. He repaired as many of my books as I could afford at the time, giving them a unified look and feel that was far beyond what I could do myself.

My promotional efforts were grassroots. That is to say nil. Granted, this was the early wild west days of self-publishing. I did manage a spate of sincere positive reviews. A few interviews, some guest blog posts. A tiny circle of writers formed, and we supported each other as best we could. That should have been a good first week. Instead, that was it. I kept writing and paid little attention to previous published works. I had things to say, damnit. Promotion is difficult, because the best way to approach it is financially. Odds are, you will never recover the costs you sink into promoting your work. Don’t let that stop you. If you believe in the piece, it deserves a budget. As big or bigger than you can reasonably afford. Amazon now publishes something like a million indie books a year. A million!

I wrote in whatever genre struck me at the time. Romance, thriller, sci-fi/fantasy, ‘funny’ sci-fi, ‘funny’ zombies. While I am a firm believer in writing what you feel and know, this is apparently a bad, scattershot approach, if sales are you goal. Current publishing wisdom dictates that if you have success in a given genre, write more in that area. And that does make a lot of sense. I have no plans to follow that approach, but at least I have follow-ups in the form of two series. One successful, and one that has been a miserable failure, commercially and critically. Naturally, I’m writing a third novel in the series no one seems to want.

Which leads me to this next point. Do not, under any circumstances, mention another successful writer in relation to your work. Ever. Never, ever. Not even if you wrote a loving homage to a writer than has inspired you from any early age. Not even if you crafted the piece in tears sometimes, because it was so beautiful to you, and you love that writer beyond all reason.

Writing is not like other fields. Readers are not like fans of other things. In the world of video games, for example, it’s perfectly acceptable shorthand to say “This game is like Pac-Man meets Call of Duty”. People will instantly understand, and very few will be outraged that you dare to encroach on Pac-Man’s established territory. Likewise, this is acceptable for movies. An original work can be described as a meeting of two previous films, and no one bats an eye, if it’s a credible release.

Readers are a different sort altogether. They like *that* author. You are not that author. Therefore, they are inclined to *not* like you. Your feelings and intentions are not under consideration. It’s probably best If you avoid them altogether. I realize this is counterintuitive.

I used to like to mix it up a bit online with other indie writers. Now I prefer not to. While the majority of them are great people, some are the opposite. There are terrible ones who will make it a point to trash everything you write, just because you got on their radar. And this is true of people in general, I suppose. But what can you do? At some point, the world at large enters the equation.

I have been “internet famous” four or five times. As a nerd rapper, as a metal drummer, as a Silicon Valley columnist/humorist, for some other reason I can’t recall right now, and, this is the big one, as a Usenet troll and flamer.

I cannot emphasize enough how much this has hurt me later on. What made for great fun back then continues to haunt me to this day. The people I used to taunt online back then were apparently SNL writers. Simpsons writers. Celebrities of all sorts. People who later worked for Cracked. People who became Google network administrators… While it was all in good fun, and they were probably doing the same thing at the time, I managed to acquire a handful of people that loathe me to this day. People I don’t even know, who are in powerful positions.

Doh!

I am probably a special case in this regard. Most people online who are obnoxious, at least, have the sense to be anonymous. I never did. Protect your online persona at all costs, and don’t flame and troll. Even if you win awards for it. For that matter, don’t get involved in political discussions. It’s sad to say, but you have to decide if you should stand up for values you feel strongly about or remain neutral on controversial issues. God, this all sounds like a dreadful, boring life. To me, it doesn’t sound worth it. On the other hand, a solid reader base can achieve more, in the long run.

So, those are just a few of the endless mistakes I have made. Some of them are impossible to rectify. But perhaps they will help a few people avoid the same pitfalls.

Appearance is everything. There is such a thing as bad publicity. Keep your friends close, and your potential enemies as friends, also. But never stop writing.