Epic Poem - "The Lost Princess"

(Image from Lia Selina. Used without permission, because it's not like I give a fuck, at this point in my life.)

So, I wrote this over a series of days (weeks), with one hand, driving to work, likely on bath salts. Then I lost a huge chunk of it and managed to recover it on a phone. Here it is, the poem that I almost died for.

The Lost Princess

 

Once there was a princess faire

Who lived her life without a care

She frolicked in the streams and parks

Catching fireflies after dark

And danced with flowers in her hair

She ran and skipped everywhere

Her laughter filled the castle halls

Upon whose stately walls

Her visage brightened every room

Prettier than a rose in bloom

She went to church with open heart

And studied hard the lettered arts

Pigtail braids and freckled nose

Swathed in all the finest clothes

With jeweled rings and anklets gold

She was a joy to behold

One day she ventured into the woods

This girl whose heart was filled with good

And came upon a wizened crone

Outside a cottage all her own

She smiled, hello dear

Whatever could have brought you here?

Cry pardon madame if I intrude

I didn’t mean to be so rude

And I may pay a dreadful cost

But playing now has found me lost

The woman answered in good cheer

Guests are always welcome here

And goodness child, you are so thin

You’re little more than bones and skin

Come inside, for goodness’ sake

And sit with me for tea and cakes

The room was dark and dank and musty

More than just a little dusty

But the girl said thanks and please

A napkin primly across her knees

Politely listening to tales

With which the woman did regale

Sleep did then but close her eyes

And gave her aged hostess rise

Sleepy child, come get in bed

And rest your pretty, pretty head

Our princess, unable to resist

Her mind enshrouded in a mist

Did exactly as was bade

And crawled into a bed unmade

And so without another peep

She fell into the deepest sleep

And dreamed the dreams of little girls

Pony rides and candy swirls

The sandman dusted both her eyes

While bony fingers caressed her thighs

In dreaming, she did turn and twist

Yet to have her first real kiss

A moan escaped her parted lips

As her body quivered under fingertips

Awakened by the witch’s cackle

Her hands were bound

Her feet were shackled

She trembled underneath her stare

The hag had stripped her body bare

The woman set upon her

Mouth upon her breast

The girl began to squirm

In the thralls of her caress

Tied with legs spread wide

Her future looked bleak

Perched between her knees

The witch began to speak

You’re like a young me

If perhaps a trifle thinner

I shall eat you, little girl

But it won’t be for my dinner

The witch began to laugh

Intent on being mean

She bit her on her inner thighs

And the girl began to scream

Her struggle only fanned the flames

Of the woman’s dark desires

Cry, my dear, all you like

For it will do no good

There’s no one that can save you now

In these enchanted woods

But a passing huntsman heard her cries

And leapt down from his horse

And rushed in to render aid

As heroes do, of course

As the door swung open wide

The girl began to spasm

Her innocence forever lost

She reached her first orgasm

The hunter’s eyes grew wide at the sight

Of the shocking tableau concealed by the night

The witch did arise with a bloodcurdling scream

And revealed dripping fangs – decidedly green

Her hands they did glow

With magic powerful and dark

Black smoke was issuing from her mouth

As her fingertips did spark

But the huntsman threw his axe

And it did travel true

It cleaved in two the witch’s head

Which exploded into goo

He untied the crying girl

And took her in his arms

The princess shuddered with relief

Safe and free at last

The hunter untied her, hand and foot

And covered the weeping lass

He swaddled her with blankets

And put her on his horse

He held her tightly with both arms

For the steed did know its course

They rode for hours in the pale moonlight

Through valley and through vale

The horse trudged onward through the night

Onward, without fail

Finally they reached the house

He kissed her on the head

Tucked her in both safe and sound

And tied her to the bed…

He kept her there until she was grown

In the woods, they lived alone

Each day he’d hunt and bring them food

And when alone she’d sit and brood

She missed her mother and father dear

And shed tears for many years

But she came to love the man

His caring heart and hungry hands

He would wipe away her tears

But his hands she also feared

Every time he had his beer

For when he drank, he’d pinch and slap

And push her head into his lap

Until sometimes she couldn’t breath

And afterward, she’d lie and grieve

But the man did love her so

And she knew she’d never go

The man did make his way to sea

In service to his bride to be

Seeking out a string of pearls

A present for his precious girl

He reached an island far away

Where griffins roared and wyverns played

For told was he by loyal friend

Of a hoard within a dragon’s den

With emeralds dear and rubies rare

Diamonds which were beyond compare

And in the dragon’s dining hall

Were sacks of gold ten feet tall

But what he hoped would be found

For his love, a golden crown

He donned his armor and his sword

And went to face the dragon lord

The great oaken doors eased slowly open

Although no one was there

And when a creepy organ played

The huntsman did grow scared

The pathways all were paved with bones

Of those who came before

Rotting flesh and pools of blood

Concealed the well-worn floor

And with each step the bones did crunch

His boots the weight of slate

To be this hellish creatures lunch

Seemed to be his fate

But no fiery blast met him there

The halls returned his echoes

Slowly, the huntsman shed his care

And the treasure did grow close

But up ahead he spied his prize

He scarcely could believe his eyes

Pearls the size of baby’s fist

Enshrouded in a glowing mist

And the second most beautiful sight he’d seen

A diamond crown fit for his queen

Cautiously he approached the vault

Bracing for some great assault

But perhaps the dragon slept or died

How else could he be inside?

And so with no further stealth

His hands reached for the serpent’s wealth

Both crown and pearls within his grasp

Our hero did then turn and laugh

But there came a flash and thunderclap

The huntsman found that he was trapped

Trapped inside the dragon’s cage

Our hunter had become the prey

And the sounds and distant rumblings

Made it clear the beast was coming

His greatest tries to lift the cage

Completely bent his vorpal blade

The bars of course were dragon forged

And stronger than a mortal sword

He felt the heat and smelled the smoke

Right before the dragon spoke

And when the wyrm did meet his glance

Our macho hero wet his pants

The creature spoke in mighty bellows

That shook the bones of our wet pantsed fellow

Your only chance to save your life 

Is to take me to your lovely wife…

Up there where the angels fly

Is the apple of my eye

But bring her back please, safe and sound

And place her feet upon the ground

Caught within the dragon’s cage

And more so by the dragon’s gaze

Our huntsman, panting, in a daze

Did wet his cheeks with tears of rage

Beast, I beg you, spare my life

I’ll give you any gift you’d like

Just bring me home this very night

And take instead my tender wife

This wife of yours, is she most fair?

With creamy skin and flaxen hair?

Her beauty shames the firmaments

And she’s as sweet as any pie

Peer into my soul, dear dragon

And you’ll see I cannot lie

The dragon gave a snort and said

Yet you offer her as bribe

That seems a shabby way to treat

Your brand new blushing bride

Oh foolish man, I’ll spare your life

And accept her as my prize

But for you to sacrifice her so

The question does arise

How could a knave such as yourself

Be worthy of a wife?

It’s true, the man sadly said

And slowly bowed his head

One day she fell into my arms

Lost and so alone

Instead of keeping her free from harm

She was enslaved within my home

Her innocence I also stole

If it’s purity you seek

Said, the dragon, if she’s as lovely as you say

She’s pure enough for me

Now grab my neck and climb aboard

Be careful not to fall

I’ll take you there this very night

Ere the rooster calls

On leather wings, they flew all night

O’er hill and o’er dale

The huntsman clung tightly to his neck

And into the dawn they sailed

At last they reached the murky woods

Where the man both lived and played

Amidst the woodland creatures

With which he plied his trade

The dragon landed with a thump

That shook the earth itself

And woke our sleeping beauty

By knocking down a shelf

She dressed herself quite fast

Anxious for his loving arms

Her hero had returned at last

Safe and free from harm

She ran outside to greet him

But stopped short with a gasp

And saw the only man she loved

Within a dragon’s grasp

Oh, my wife, my precious love

For a moment I was weak

When captured by yon dragon

Whose treasure did I seek

And offered you to save my life

For that I am ashamed

So do not call me husband

For I don’t deserve the name

You silly man, I need no jewels

I’ve loved you from the start

Not for all the things you give

But for the treasure in your heart

So take me now, oh dragon fierce

My life is his to give

For in this world without him

I don’t want to live

The dragon pierced her with his eyes

And gazed into her soul

Then casually picked up the man

Swallowing him whole

Fell beast! she cried

And gave a little hiss

The monster then did scoop her up

And gave a dragon’s kiss

Our princess then cried out in rage

And struck him with her fists

Her tears began to fall like rain

For her champion she missed

The dragon stared into her eyes

As they stood face to face

While she looked in disbelief

A change was taking place

The dragon’s hide was rent in two

As thunder clapped and lighting flashed

And before her stood her husband

Clad in soot and ash

Oh, wife of mine, forgive me please

I am mortal, I am weak

But she pressed her lips against his own

And had no need to speak

He took her hand within his own

And led her to their humble home

They fed and bathed

She dressed his wounds

Their love did heat and light the room

They claimed the dragon’s kingdom

And the princess ruled as queen

Upon her head, the dragon’s crown

And on her hand his ring

Forever and a day they lived

And never did they part

For he had the body, mind and soul of man

But the love of a dragon’s heart…

Check out the excellently narrated audiobook version featuring Shandon Loring, the practically free Kindle version, or the paperback.