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Monday, June 25, 2012

How To Get Busted Selling Dope

Jails are full of idiots. Remember that.

1. Stay high. All the time. Smell like weed constantly. Adopt the heavy-lidded stance of someone who clearly doesn't give a fuck.
2. Be high profile. You make big money, flaunt it. Nice cars, expensive clothes, advanced electronics. You're a baller. Rub their noses in it.
3. Get lots of tattoos, primarily gang affiliations and pot leaves. Commitment to a bit. Bonus points for white kids with "Member of Bloods" tattoos on them.
4. Talk loudly about your operation to anyone and everyone who will listen. Conduct deals in public on a cell phone registered in your name.
5. Sell from your home. What good is all of your wealth if you can't make others envious?
6. Screw a different girl every week. If she doesn't like it, throw her ass out and get a new one. Feelings are for punks.
7. Money uber alles. It's all about dead presidents. No slack, no breaks, no discounts, no family, no "friend prices". Cash on the barrelhead.

8. Keep lots of money for lawyers, bail and commissary. You'll need it...