tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-85995327668026687942024-03-13T10:50:11.307-05:00Write to LifeOccasional random musings about writing, games, cryptocurrency, and my sad life.Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.comBlogger325125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-72436176381174325782023-01-02T11:36:00.034-06:002023-01-18T10:25:04.125-06:00 Amazon is Trash for Authors, and I Hate Them So Much<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtSV8YozO6z6D4UuHGnbPvPi5uetM3zCi3NKf64Iay6bwCHcrJP8Uk9ydN7TKWZe1AXVmzwzj5ycSE8ZBwUUpGMdeiyYNZUuDVRkOZrh9UQDLxzu8QgxIYN9eUG7GtQW4CPgNVyGTYKdUvEwGaHTNKjAbNyf8Cm2t7ioARNIowmMj_VJaX_zRa7MVKg/s978/Capture.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="667" data-original-width="978" height="436" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDtSV8YozO6z6D4UuHGnbPvPi5uetM3zCi3NKf64Iay6bwCHcrJP8Uk9ydN7TKWZe1AXVmzwzj5ycSE8ZBwUUpGMdeiyYNZUuDVRkOZrh9UQDLxzu8QgxIYN9eUG7GtQW4CPgNVyGTYKdUvEwGaHTNKjAbNyf8Cm2t7ioARNIowmMj_VJaX_zRa7MVKg/w640-h436/Capture.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><b>"Everything Amazon says is a lie, and everything they have is stolen." - Freidrich Neitzche, if he was trying to get self-published in 2023.</b></span></p><p><br /></p><p>Look, 2011 was a crazy time for me, okay? I published
something like four books in a heady rush of excitement on Amazon. All at once.
Not well edited, with shitty covers. We know that. Well, I do. I don’t know who
you are at all.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was a mistake, I understand that. Own it. Embrace it. I
paved the way so the people who followed later didn’t have to. I even got a <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-Idiot-Like-Self-Publishing-ebook/dp/B09BYYDKN7?ref_=d6k_applink_bb_dls&dplnkId=1821d343-951b-4d13-bf24-309f6c84c35b">decent little book out of it</a>. (Note to self: Make this book free now.) I’ve spent a
fair amount of time since then not only correcting my mistakes (you can’t,
fully, which is why you need to listen and pay attention and not make the same
mistakes) but in trying to prevent at least a few others from doing the same.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But now? My problems in Radar Love are down to the stylistic.
And, not to be a dickhead, but even the very first published drafts won over a
large majority of readers. My covers are pretty damn slick now. My blurbs and
author bios still suck, I guess. That’s neither here nor there. While a great
many deficiencies in my back catalog are my own, my greatest problems with Amazon
lie in their own sordid practices.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The way they screw the dogshit out of me, my narrators,
and all writers and narrators, for instance. As far as I know, they are still
running a backdoor audiobook subscription service, giving the full cash value
back on any audiobook up to 364 days later. At which time, they TAKE BACK THE
ROYALTIES FROM THE WRITER AND NARRATOR.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">What kind of cunty bullshit is this? I never signed any
agreement to this end. Did I? Show me. I am especially incensed because my poor
narrators don’t make shit off of my books anyway. This is a strategy for
Amazon, and like many of their strategies, it’s all slanted toward screwing
indie authors over.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, it probably is my fault that they lock your audiobooks
up for seven years, with a rolling reset, unless you shut them down on that.
Nevertheless, it’s a very predatory practice. Scummy. But probably detailed
somewhere in some terms I didn’t read. And I do know about it.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Forget that you have to know my book’s title AND my name
just to be able to find it on Amazon. I mean, hell yes, put some product that
has nothing to do with the search string two pages ahead of the book title that
matches the search exactly. That’s super ethical. Kind of like those other huge
pieces of shit, Google. But anyway. They’ll get their own essay. With
screenshots.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Or how they made it insanely easy for anyone to drive by and
one-star a book, with no oversight, no recourse. This primarily happens to
indies, of course. It’s something that helps mainstream publishers by hurting
their competition.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Shitty, trashy, wildly unethical. Even when I had someone
ADMIT that they one-starred my book out of spite, having never read it, and provided
proof, the slag job reviews still sit there. Just enough, mind you, that I can’t
even advertise on Bookbub until I get some more 5-star reviews to overcome it. This
is after I provided literal proof and screenshots of the words of the person who did
it. (If you must know, a piece of shit Indian book scammer who was unhappy
because I called him out publicly.)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now we come to why I currently hate these cunts more than I
ever have before.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I use Amazon Vella as a writing tool. I mean, I did make
something like $1000 when they were throwing money at us last year. I suspect
that is all a tax dodge, a loss leader strategy. Vella was very poorly implemented and continues to operate that way. It’s not designed to succeed. And it can’t because
it raises the cost of an ebook to $30-$40…</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, I do credit Vella with enabling me to bring <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Went-Black-Janice-Livingston/dp/B09DYYMSBX">Everything Went Black</a>, my first novel that was written specifically as a serial, to a word count approaching 80,000 words, with about 40,000 more to go. But I could have done
that without them. But I enjoy the immediacy of writing something in the morning, giving it a half-assed editing pass, and publishing it.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I even had a few people reading daily until I fell way the
hell off with my writing. I’m just now back on the case, and I still don’t
write a new chapter every day as I had before. But that’s on me.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I also put <a href="https://us.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09ML33G61">Penultimate Hustle L.A</a>. on there, because it’s
almost complete. No one seems to care about it, for whatever reason, so I
haven’t been motivated to finish it yet, especially since it’s a rewrite from
scratch of a book I already wrote once. I know how it ends. EWB is extremely
satisfying and is also loads beyond the Ultimate Hustle series (so far) in
terms of quality writing and story, I feel.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My narrator and I also have an entire Radar Love audiobook
that is days away from completion, but neither of us cares too much about it
because Amazon is just terrible.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">However, my main gripe of late is that Amazon has been
sitting on a Vella story of mine for 14 months now.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-TcZfemRNwWVeJdbz6QcYM05_gEebnjt_FjPLp3rvfULP9zHhIGqtMch9ao2QbzOnx0ZDAJfWtOmPhadCY8ho1io71lnmFeGnsf6ZIzV1ViMUSa-soznwHs7T_h_lF8tz0gFUSAeDHp3L8fBoAazhAJWGyI6tv9jpZOslnNbDs8yhnLvlqpdIq1WCUw/s927/2Capture.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="786" data-original-width="927" height="542" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-TcZfemRNwWVeJdbz6QcYM05_gEebnjt_FjPLp3rvfULP9zHhIGqtMch9ao2QbzOnx0ZDAJfWtOmPhadCY8ho1io71lnmFeGnsf6ZIzV1ViMUSa-soznwHs7T_h_lF8tz0gFUSAeDHp3L8fBoAazhAJWGyI6tv9jpZOslnNbDs8yhnLvlqpdIq1WCUw/w640-h542/2Capture.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">Fourteen fucking months. They will not publish it. They will
not tell me why. In fact, they openly lie to me, every two weeks or so, and say
they are looking into this deeply technical issue. Apparently, no one at that
entire organization has really mastered their own software. Somehow, my book is
a special case, composed of alien symbols or something.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Just completely insulting bullshit, piled to the ceiling. Fucking
pathetic. But I’m still kind of locked into Amazon for now. Because of inertia.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, I don’t think it’s entirely coincidental that the book
they won’t publish is called Boogaloo, and is kind of edgy in a political sense.
The sort of book some douchebags don’t want to be published.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In fact, a good author friend of mine revealed a simple
truth that I have never considered. Amazon is the force behind a much bigger
sort of ‘shadowbanning’ that can occur across platforms, without coordination.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">How, you ask, assuming this is crazy talk? Because most
social media goes through Amazon Web Services.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s that simple. If they decide they don’t want you to have
visibility, you will disappear from Amazon searches. From Twitter and Facebook searches.
Instagram. Or whatever platforms they host. It’s all black box stuff, and they
hold all the cards.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, fuck my life. If you’ve never published yet, but are
considering it, put Amazon at the bottom of your list. Get your stuff
everywhere else, first. I could relate some of my friend’s own personal horror
story, which goes WAY beyond all this. Their book was making sales that they
never got royalties for. Then it was shadowbanned.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now it’s pulled, and avenues for distribution have been
closed. Amazon has rigged the game for her so much that it is no longer financially
feasible to publish her book. She invoked lawyers, and in response, she is
blocked at the IP level on a regular basis.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpdHDVIb5DXL1uCWR05N8ch5cgLhj6sGDcgJexLnkLpIU7TmZ_zlFOvFUO3RUVL9EYtBBvulQZsY4iNu3qUxkc6dlCSc61-KDEt90vgzv4afTI8eqdm58ciM9qrul0USZfWLY9Q3psM-lraHZ4ucaahi0_CrcQCTLI7yZa7c7LdjRkPNaRrG_PqGecUQ/s724/amazon.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="537" data-original-width="724" height="474" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpdHDVIb5DXL1uCWR05N8ch5cgLhj6sGDcgJexLnkLpIU7TmZ_zlFOvFUO3RUVL9EYtBBvulQZsY4iNu3qUxkc6dlCSc61-KDEt90vgzv4afTI8eqdm58ciM9qrul0USZfWLY9Q3psM-lraHZ4ucaahi0_CrcQCTLI7yZa7c7LdjRkPNaRrG_PqGecUQ/w640-h474/amazon.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Name redacted, because most of you are terrible people.</div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A book that is in high demand, in fact. Waiting lists for a
used copy extend up to a year. This is so disheartening. I once had optimism as
a writer. Now all I see is a gigantic, evil conglomerate working in the shadows
to fuck over aspiring new writers. It
makes me shoot blood out of my fucking eyes, I hate them so bad.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: x-large;">I do hope Jeff Bezos gets AIDS. Fuck you Amazon. Fuck you in
your stupid ass.</span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, here are my books, by the way. The prices will go up if
I ever feel they are good enough for prime time. <a href="https://t.co/wvJqHUaryb">https://t.co/wvJqHUaryb</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Check out Everything Went Black. Some people whose opinions I respect greatly are calling my best book yet. I've already pulled it from Vella, so you have less than two weeks. <a href="https://us.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09DYYMSBX">https://us.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09DYYMSBX</a> (Update: I haven't pulled it from Vella yet. I thought I had.)</p><p class="MsoNormal">Update: Boogaloo is an offensive, prohibited word that has nothing to do with my content. Somehow.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRx1_vCOgk0iA8CgEIgwEnjpQUG2qSgM1L2IlI1u-sA-9lwRrPzMgCN284g1kgIFQwcJPT9lN-m3s9P9D-DYY8j4Jqwruu_KN_NU0N5OU3NAv6u2_sJ6yz4_abv6xK2e0qT8PMA35-MgPa1NnjObUNbVsUYVXid3Lb7nI1OI3fAOm_MJcxgcfkEITv4A/s2340/Screenshot_20230103-095236.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRx1_vCOgk0iA8CgEIgwEnjpQUG2qSgM1L2IlI1u-sA-9lwRrPzMgCN284g1kgIFQwcJPT9lN-m3s9P9D-DYY8j4Jqwruu_KN_NU0N5OU3NAv6u2_sJ6yz4_abv6xK2e0qT8PMA35-MgPa1NnjObUNbVsUYVXid3Lb7nI1OI3fAOm_MJcxgcfkEITv4A/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230103-095236.png" width="296" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5DMG-2H1-nH5lTlrXcJJiYyduM2CNcSi8g-BPETp-bxHl0dsvzKrF0NiD0-fFeol0BcWO9UDYyF5djMTTeizVirMBBcZMjsaVJBQdKseWyaXLPicNKYt5L1W7OEqXhBhXdFrUF2CJ3YsGKYNIr7h1DAtob1gW8Zx9ZvBs3l0GzhfKT3DG6He7NV5D6A/s2340/Screenshot_20230103-194138.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5DMG-2H1-nH5lTlrXcJJiYyduM2CNcSi8g-BPETp-bxHl0dsvzKrF0NiD0-fFeol0BcWO9UDYyF5djMTTeizVirMBBcZMjsaVJBQdKseWyaXLPicNKYt5L1W7OEqXhBhXdFrUF2CJ3YsGKYNIr7h1DAtob1gW8Zx9ZvBs3l0GzhfKT3DG6He7NV5D6A/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230103-194138.png" width="296" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5dbh3ODQd-pSCee9Z5cb8iWWfBqRTeciKy3qQ0CJPQSs3yVtEqYZDbxVSYmJ01iYb5ThV6ld-sgo-53AbwFUSK2s4FfgwfsXu7S5n4i1ccfmiBFOQFXRcMfegRdFwn2YhAxy0G_T1IlTYXkEhMRmqAqhNONbxRqtrohVIogzH_cWBQGZJyP--Qj-YGQ/s2340/Screenshot_20230104-043858.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5dbh3ODQd-pSCee9Z5cb8iWWfBqRTeciKy3qQ0CJPQSs3yVtEqYZDbxVSYmJ01iYb5ThV6ld-sgo-53AbwFUSK2s4FfgwfsXu7S5n4i1ccfmiBFOQFXRcMfegRdFwn2YhAxy0G_T1IlTYXkEhMRmqAqhNONbxRqtrohVIogzH_cWBQGZJyP--Qj-YGQ/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230104-043858.png" width="296" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>The utter cowards keep hiding behind a bot and claiming the keyword is unrelated to the fucking plot. IT IS CENTRAL TO THE FUCKING PLOT. IT'S ALSO THE TITLE.<div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh459zZtkrAsV0LTp_RRh_GBuZQ_-MWplyXXEClUsoTlhPRw6q28TcBkaTXng6lu9Jz7y62_S6lGBGgIA2BOZ8Ta4Zu3Btgx5VeibwPA278JCKq3hOSEEGQB8gOULlEKPY_R5CPM10wHNZixid9AOlbTyE6r_STxJYY-kgGYyNACWWCCS7ldfd__T-K6g/s2340/Screenshot_20230104-070632.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh459zZtkrAsV0LTp_RRh_GBuZQ_-MWplyXXEClUsoTlhPRw6q28TcBkaTXng6lu9Jz7y62_S6lGBGgIA2BOZ8Ta4Zu3Btgx5VeibwPA278JCKq3hOSEEGQB8gOULlEKPY_R5CPM10wHNZixid9AOlbTyE6r_STxJYY-kgGYyNACWWCCS7ldfd__T-K6g/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230104-070632.png" width="296" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Join the discussion on Boards: <a href="https://www.kboards.com/threads/vella-keyword-drama.337231/#post-4003041">https://www.kboards.com/threads/vella-keyword-drama.337231/#post-4003041</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Possibly resolved!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A helpful person on Kboards pointed out that the rules state that you can't have your title in the keywords! Fixed.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">It's that easy. Amazon employees are just lazy and dumb.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMPcUG9K-s9ZXaSfy3ctz5J1EYbMfmiP45jUBNPrlFGoaPv9hLFMWIm5gGHcXHSxgJkkhM4MfbakEIxHMyjjvKRI3jiFgjHSAlTdp6P3AuQD6QyYtswh9_T9I_hwYCdWhGrAKS4CEdvp4poWWxPw8_9eAtWwl4P6npUcVERnNzsD4CgFsrnQn661qSdg/s2340/Screenshot_20230104-232919.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMPcUG9K-s9ZXaSfy3ctz5J1EYbMfmiP45jUBNPrlFGoaPv9hLFMWIm5gGHcXHSxgJkkhM4MfbakEIxHMyjjvKRI3jiFgjHSAlTdp6P3AuQD6QyYtswh9_T9I_hwYCdWhGrAKS4CEdvp4poWWxPw8_9eAtWwl4P6npUcVERnNzsD4CgFsrnQn661qSdg/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230104-232919.png" width="296" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>We'll see. I still stand by everything I said. <div><br /></div><div>Update: Amazon doesn't disappoint. I removed the keyword. I waited well past the supposed 72 hours to publishing. Again, I contacted the useless first-line support team.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjyn8pqfvO4JFAd3KmlEXeqdvQxmkDe8OHaEeXJjI9yCvyDyrVL63nbMam3H6jFcDjpQbYT08dwBuYOIv3AYqPQFkHvPbX3P3fq4Ggu8Ggg3x491qhePARp-AG0SmSdKrtlP0eAOK1YHympMCAw0zy6EPWiKrgomYN6Jr25WrYwHdW2BoTz-xw57bV9pg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjyn8pqfvO4JFAd3KmlEXeqdvQxmkDe8OHaEeXJjI9yCvyDyrVL63nbMam3H6jFcDjpQbYT08dwBuYOIv3AYqPQFkHvPbX3P3fq4Ggu8Ggg3x491qhePARp-AG0SmSdKrtlP0eAOK1YHympMCAw0zy6EPWiKrgomYN6Jr25WrYwHdW2BoTz-xw57bV9pg=w296-h640" width="296" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>THEY TOLD ME THEY HAD TO REVIEW THE SUBMISSION AND THEY WOULD GET BACK TO ME IN FIVE DAYS...</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2f1UuGFNpFui8cNJh8dSXt4EpiHppOxmiQSwf2A1EtsxnqAjQqoOi4Y5Dey-GZJdgSlgyVHYN1BTBYdT4ECH0jG325xNkG4ys4RVUT4d8Lju8Jdp7blOAPcSnu-yvNtCt3HIbn8wvvT5eWdtyBv_y7XHkAIFxNz0ksigv1iTxpKdUoKtRdY7y31loJg=w296-h640" width="296" /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhgpAnp06A4dYGDdGH8-fMTsYqHMKzROFQ-adUCuXVwII_-D1Z60IY6P6SCZiIoSquwbfdBOW0ABkU2p9IT-WJ9q-KrEpLTcVEu3ukjjSR4l7UVi07DRYtHty9ez6lqEz4lJKgLAPw-aY_5EHzcWPtnhd4aThxhMxBQNlSfTHqeJ4I3WL4rrSl091cemw" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhgpAnp06A4dYGDdGH8-fMTsYqHMKzROFQ-adUCuXVwII_-D1Z60IY6P6SCZiIoSquwbfdBOW0ABkU2p9IT-WJ9q-KrEpLTcVEu3ukjjSR4l7UVi07DRYtHty9ez6lqEz4lJKgLAPw-aY_5EHzcWPtnhd4aThxhMxBQNlSfTHqeJ4I3WL4rrSl091cemw=w296-h640" width="296" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">The first-line tech support means first-line defenses against indie authors.</div></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEg2f1UuGFNpFui8cNJh8dSXt4EpiHppOxmiQSwf2A1EtsxnqAjQqoOi4Y5Dey-GZJdgSlgyVHYN1BTBYdT4ECH0jG325xNkG4ys4RVUT4d8Lju8Jdp7blOAPcSnu-yvNtCt3HIbn8wvvT5eWdtyBv_y7XHkAIFxNz0ksigv1iTxpKdUoKtRdY7y31loJg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjHtFJLBFiipPjQiXrSzEBXI-EOtIgteUyRSK2GRaBa8u5dfxZtEeeOz7Z-ex1clrjk3sRLp8S8a9ZHc6oh0fievGRvTGHaOnNYVKM7-EHGVfe_v6WdQOqNuL4-mlZVRsfSnAcOZEJBAz2Ti8IMutfJjiHPjiks4maAmgQfYu9Jw1M53t6SrRb0XoeC7g=w296-h640" width="296" /></a></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;">Boy, I'm boutta do it... Also, arguing with bots isn't very productive.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Along the way, I've noticed some interesting things about Amazon's patented "Fucking Liar" system. Those names at the bottom of the email are fake. Each time you hit reply (I guess they don't expect you to keep doing it...), it triggers an auto-response. You just get the same response again and again, with a new fake name attached.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">These guys really suck at this. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">So, while I wait another five days, stuck in Amazon's INFINITE LOOP OF FUCKING STUPID COCKSUCKING BULLSHIT, here are some recent articles a friend sent me illustrating what fucking garbage people everyone who works at Amazon is.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Amazon Aiding In The Ongoing Genocide</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.wired.com/story/amazon-quietly-removes-coronavirus-books/">https://www.wired.com/story/amazon-quietly-removes-coronavirus-books/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Amazon Controlling What Libraries Can Do With eBooks</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/03/10/amazon-library-ebook-monopoly/">https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2021/03/10/amazon-library-ebook-monopoly/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Amazon Colluding To Fuck Indie Authors In The Ass</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2021/04/amazon-colluded-with-publishers-to-fix-book-prices-class-action-suit-alleges/">https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2021/04/amazon-colluded-with-publishers-to-fix-book-prices-class-action-suit-alleges/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Shitbags Gonna Shitbag</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/5/19/15596050/amazon-buy-box-publishing-controversy">https://www.vox.com/culture/2017/5/19/15596050/amazon-buy-box-publishing-controversy</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">Amazon Decides What Truth Is</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.cbsnews.com/news/amazon-not-selling-books-lgbtq-mental-illness/">https://www.cbsnews.com/news/amazon-not-selling-books-lgbtq-mental-illness/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">No surprises. Amazon let us know where this was going right after Kindles hit the market. DYSTOPIA IS THE NORM.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://www.gearlive.com/news/article/q309-amazon-kindle-gate-george-orwells-animal-farm-1984-disappear/">https://www.gearlive.com/news/article/q309-amazon-kindle-gate-george-orwells-animal-farm-1984-disappear/</a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;">They are completing their stranglehold on publishing and information itself. Just like everything else with stupid people, you won't believe the seriousness of what's happening until it's too late. May I suggest you and your family get a few more Covid boosters?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh022IuM8elsKZzpw7ldloev_Oc0jlckH5wr669RVFCjApLXD5BtstRMMGNEZhVpOYh6QsCnmvK5CgZ9vpgklRNG2WjpDzRoyS97zyNVMMP6607tbS4uU0J7LJxW7Nq9VHEH_rJy8C0qAv-HTz4l7ZigxKN8qy1_6xUAeKvVeVBlhCjQh4AX1nSxXl5Sw/s590/amazon2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="590" data-original-width="507" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh022IuM8elsKZzpw7ldloev_Oc0jlckH5wr669RVFCjApLXD5BtstRMMGNEZhVpOYh6QsCnmvK5CgZ9vpgklRNG2WjpDzRoyS97zyNVMMP6607tbS4uU0J7LJxW7Nq9VHEH_rJy8C0qAv-HTz4l7ZigxKN8qy1_6xUAeKvVeVBlhCjQh4AX1nSxXl5Sw/w550-h640/amazon2.JPG" width="550" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Useless...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikIl1N2Sj7Q9RXTIKt1iOMoXSLv_Th1DjpubMkNCbNmR1zCG4bmUmYsRTgFOrilJXx0WcgDEP0_dxKXoeFAiC4eFAr8oN_a5HLHYO62Vz-9dz2WlBn96QIzNkN89IA6D9wdrI57fnCzR5oKQmTGJvkgQplsnqqWIcVscjizpjjlG5fMvGPMr_fjqHH7Q/s678/amazon3.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="678" height="378" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEikIl1N2Sj7Q9RXTIKt1iOMoXSLv_Th1DjpubMkNCbNmR1zCG4bmUmYsRTgFOrilJXx0WcgDEP0_dxKXoeFAiC4eFAr8oN_a5HLHYO62Vz-9dz2WlBn96QIzNkN89IA6D9wdrI57fnCzR5oKQmTGJvkgQplsnqqWIcVscjizpjjlG5fMvGPMr_fjqHH7Q/w640-h378/amazon3.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Kboards always has people who are getting screwed by Amazon. Stay away from Amazon Publishing.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNo_OKWyXMAcodtO5s9dHKgufSpU6_WzLVNxMSCE_3sQZDa0HU44T0yi9BgM57UPlfcZbAnEsUhqfC7KfWzSgXbUq50YaiUPzSH6_rpwovBFkPWyNDa1cI1SBQqu6cXVqYtIgM-i5tG6KFZWRY0f-IWjnmZljsiT_9BgmRgW6LaFxORdm8VyjviUDnTA/s1519/amazon4.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="504" data-original-width="1519" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNo_OKWyXMAcodtO5s9dHKgufSpU6_WzLVNxMSCE_3sQZDa0HU44T0yi9BgM57UPlfcZbAnEsUhqfC7KfWzSgXbUq50YaiUPzSH6_rpwovBFkPWyNDa1cI1SBQqu6cXVqYtIgM-i5tG6KFZWRY0f-IWjnmZljsiT_9BgmRgW6LaFxORdm8VyjviUDnTA/w640-h212/amazon4.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Thanks for the advice, scumfuck! How is your job at Amazon, btw? All you do is defend Amazon in all of the many threads where people try and talk about the fuckjob Amazon is giving them. You're a piece of shit.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0v3Ap1KKJRJbehfrCRmyvDvQe5g9FORTavEeUEVIehMTZODsn5LG-UFQJgWEzVwPxpsHMjTH67z4BYSF0ypAw8q9ZnTsUqia_MhIFRrrphS0PmlFEeRxJAfrAWMm9vjWsKFiT-tP2JRpL8JU83lThFBohaRIepmkaAGiLk-ntoANYSZKDgoiaF9Uow/s1528/kboards.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="509" data-original-width="1528" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ0v3Ap1KKJRJbehfrCRmyvDvQe5g9FORTavEeUEVIehMTZODsn5LG-UFQJgWEzVwPxpsHMjTH67z4BYSF0ypAw8q9ZnTsUqia_MhIFRrrphS0PmlFEeRxJAfrAWMm9vjWsKFiT-tP2JRpL8JU83lThFBohaRIepmkaAGiLk-ntoANYSZKDgoiaF9Uow/w640-h214/kboards.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Cool. On my blog, I do a lot of "Go fuck yourself, Becca Mills, you stupid bitch." Because snarky, shitty stuff directed *at* me is fine. Cunt.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJaQ4Ff5GdXi6ybrNzfnVnSO4KXRQSjLI3XhrAWFYJRIRe9-9vxBAdzzG98v12mmhW5azWy8RRtKeNYJEM9W2Zz8xQcUz-Y_s4nH-kl3IXim6bWjMfhMnp6NRv2ReTSr4X7X3opZJFWNxrOlcfKGieTJvO431fX_MoyuaiuNgsGFBA6u_kzFMo88Z1ag/s687/amazon5.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="581" data-original-width="687" height="542" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJaQ4Ff5GdXi6ybrNzfnVnSO4KXRQSjLI3XhrAWFYJRIRe9-9vxBAdzzG98v12mmhW5azWy8RRtKeNYJEM9W2Zz8xQcUz-Y_s4nH-kl3IXim6bWjMfhMnp6NRv2ReTSr4X7X3opZJFWNxrOlcfKGieTJvO431fX_MoyuaiuNgsGFBA6u_kzFMo88Z1ag/w640-h542/amazon5.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Ooh, only two more days after the five days. Amazon is working on some Zeno's Paradox shit.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXPY7DIUanJKHCCk_bCUbWLZnYQkSFq_Dm0tUevCD-c_WH9JTBDUNRG8Dh8Rdi86uoyse_HyEzctWsGfP6fb1wgOZiMizvJ7-2dcmAf_NRZ4Vt2StmYmz3UiIjgA5Pr7DlXWC8c0fV3g6P5e8OcMNXJpIpT9OoEXlehaiEv4vn0smjDyavH-8xJQeKfQ/s1253/Amazon6.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="546" data-original-width="1253" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjXPY7DIUanJKHCCk_bCUbWLZnYQkSFq_Dm0tUevCD-c_WH9JTBDUNRG8Dh8Rdi86uoyse_HyEzctWsGfP6fb1wgOZiMizvJ7-2dcmAf_NRZ4Vt2StmYmz3UiIjgA5Pr7DlXWC8c0fV3g6P5e8OcMNXJpIpT9OoEXlehaiEv4vn0smjDyavH-8xJQeKfQ/w640-h278/Amazon6.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">A new fake name. And two more days! So close. Yet so far. I'll believe it when I see it, as always.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigM4VJjOY5ZVL-fvsng1kcwb6FxzhvD-QY4AeJNbT-PU5acJUYilh-MBoY2CEUs9OizuMxLP1vLwxsUbRU1tESFPY1frFGpFg_VLXnpDIz9GnItgwjLPv_rinMQgBQaJJyegy3kUX5XjG9T7e65YwikRKqJTmIUm7vB3i_TSa2IPS3eldV4UzeCBn9tA/s1286/kboards2.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="368" data-original-width="1286" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigM4VJjOY5ZVL-fvsng1kcwb6FxzhvD-QY4AeJNbT-PU5acJUYilh-MBoY2CEUs9OizuMxLP1vLwxsUbRU1tESFPY1frFGpFg_VLXnpDIz9GnItgwjLPv_rinMQgBQaJJyegy3kUX5XjG9T7e65YwikRKqJTmIUm7vB3i_TSa2IPS3eldV4UzeCBn9tA/w640-h184/kboards2.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Meanwhile, Kboards never fails to amuse me. Below is the unfortunate analogy that had to be deleted. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlTrlMkZijwsQvsb3MUxcqJDvhm7BlG5727oMYobtpFiEbXhLdmjUgj-lYtxwZBxsHMKlg2joRUi_HGw1u1fEEOD4PPJf0QzA0nW68XzKC4648pfoiOKuJ_49spsq96uKq3RX2bpboiNa-C_O3JnaEMKB89zBbhnIs3LFgBurVxiJWtwoZ15hA8KYlA/s596/concentration.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="143" data-original-width="596" height="154" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTlTrlMkZijwsQvsb3MUxcqJDvhm7BlG5727oMYobtpFiEbXhLdmjUgj-lYtxwZBxsHMKlg2joRUi_HGw1u1fEEOD4PPJf0QzA0nW68XzKC4648pfoiOKuJ_49spsq96uKq3RX2bpboiNa-C_O3JnaEMKB89zBbhnIs3LFgBurVxiJWtwoZ15hA8KYlA/w640-h154/concentration.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsp2JI1UKk0CEqMaSWjhvjTZhZVuPCEYtcjIm34bi-aKFb6OZr6EmMo2CT6YfIq54f6dbVZRCf-DlehfFzCap6tnDOh1cBDy7ZTlSM5HPH1xq_tUf2FAxaKxH4XL5qPd1WYPI2gJJbp9SpHpUoFm3zUNizb88djwzH0F8xW0p3Jx4fdd5mLku7AxXmw/s1493/trash.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="446" data-original-width="1493" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKsp2JI1UKk0CEqMaSWjhvjTZhZVuPCEYtcjIm34bi-aKFb6OZr6EmMo2CT6YfIq54f6dbVZRCf-DlehfFzCap6tnDOh1cBDy7ZTlSM5HPH1xq_tUf2FAxaKxH4XL5qPd1WYPI2gJJbp9SpHpUoFm3zUNizb88djwzH0F8xW0p3Jx4fdd5mLku7AxXmw/w640-h192/trash.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Anti-Amazon thread has legs. Better lock it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCGzE87XV5z1QQiDlxJ-6Dccxo79UBHsVDacdG_3eJVrXzFmSup52bZ8zt8zKo-ytX1xQLMz98ne70ok-g4KBIYg-kCHakDK7jxFmKvF6N5Io-xlc83h-xOV7IjOfiC2c_YHmVjNkLLHrqFdBLKB49PGiQI-w0OavSu1PNwuWpzB-DgwE92k0Rj6DQnw/s983/AMAZON%20FUCKERY.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="566" data-original-width="983" height="368" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCGzE87XV5z1QQiDlxJ-6Dccxo79UBHsVDacdG_3eJVrXzFmSup52bZ8zt8zKo-ytX1xQLMz98ne70ok-g4KBIYg-kCHakDK7jxFmKvF6N5Io-xlc83h-xOV7IjOfiC2c_YHmVjNkLLHrqFdBLKB49PGiQI-w0OavSu1PNwuWpzB-DgwE92k0Rj6DQnw/w640-h368/AMAZON%20FUCKERY.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Hoo-boy. Are they just starting the cycle of bullshit lies again? Looks like it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Did you notice that it is never the same "person" twice? That's because it's all fake. There's no one handling this case, just a series of automated emails. It's fucking fraudulent.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj10AyCt90O34tYGDppWfXnMGjmfOLao02sQroKRUARzYjpglITbcpNVJOshjrCiuu0fmInvhrJ0S5G11WfqphY16M6fAZGNb8nW8hxpXtMgITAdOca2YpushuVLLohCXA2UM3a-YBc6h0vFkmWNR_m0oSie962f18jD1_RmGucWDUmhpmFH_RnfJo7pg/s1075/shitbagKboards.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="149" data-original-width="1075" height="88" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj10AyCt90O34tYGDppWfXnMGjmfOLao02sQroKRUARzYjpglITbcpNVJOshjrCiuu0fmInvhrJ0S5G11WfqphY16M6fAZGNb8nW8hxpXtMgITAdOca2YpushuVLLohCXA2UM3a-YBc6h0vFkmWNR_m0oSie962f18jD1_RmGucWDUmhpmFH_RnfJo7pg/w640-h88/shitbagKboards.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">It's the retarded Kboards tone police...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-yU3GL_PaxRqaqtSgIRNdWT0RnT8mSqE9UcFnnZMmPViOaTpiC0DFf_xisSMQWDPnAWEN07wbOxN4Xz4Eoerq0aaNfji7rxtC8GQRU-3D_e_AFQLv7KlCBKbxRG1aomVG-qnh5MxdGFAqKwTCAwO3_rGj-lXy4xI0_zi8a_GQxOxcS7Gce0j2oQD1aA/s1391/AmazonLIes.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="570" data-original-width="1391" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-yU3GL_PaxRqaqtSgIRNdWT0RnT8mSqE9UcFnnZMmPViOaTpiC0DFf_xisSMQWDPnAWEN07wbOxN4Xz4Eoerq0aaNfji7rxtC8GQRU-3D_e_AFQLv7KlCBKbxRG1aomVG-qnh5MxdGFAqKwTCAwO3_rGj-lXy4xI0_zi8a_GQxOxcS7Gce0j2oQD1aA/w640-h262/AmazonLIes.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Is it even worth mentioning any more that Amazon is still bullshitting? Another lie. Another missed date. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmQdzsj4Y1Bzqe7vtB91QZnV0_E-hI5kHlsBp2AYTFsGx3UWtbQVu4Pq7dMvW-uxW_tjOGbzrPEX_voJ7QcLigZ2G4w7GK1TTEzGfMrf14vyaT9J5psFSdsmxn14qgR9tZEhL_7B4EsrNko9BDsgjYXCyOk3GRuqnSvSsvoOUJD0wsOuC1j3QzIHwI4w/s2340/Screenshot_20230118-092502.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2340" data-original-width="1080" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmQdzsj4Y1Bzqe7vtB91QZnV0_E-hI5kHlsBp2AYTFsGx3UWtbQVu4Pq7dMvW-uxW_tjOGbzrPEX_voJ7QcLigZ2G4w7GK1TTEzGfMrf14vyaT9J5psFSdsmxn14qgR9tZEhL_7B4EsrNko9BDsgjYXCyOk3GRuqnSvSsvoOUJD0wsOuC1j3QzIHwI4w/w296-h640/Screenshot_20230118-092502.png" width="296" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">A mindless, soulless machine running on lies. Fuck you, Amazon. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinQurmw4xTQzLfHX6nk2D8whewEY2tF6oUbKRWKyRY2lvyb0Sg5Q2bZ4w58AWxkfPbHT1XxRtkRXXPBuUMOL1LtsSPV8nIBIwoX85trA19NyCAIcVxqm-Ts9XJl3-W53bIZsJ25ftmW32jSCfd2U7Gz9xNSnlglxnsf0L1lPh2amcpX_mzFprsQiuw9A/s1165/TARDBOT.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="471" data-original-width="1165" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinQurmw4xTQzLfHX6nk2D8whewEY2tF6oUbKRWKyRY2lvyb0Sg5Q2bZ4w58AWxkfPbHT1XxRtkRXXPBuUMOL1LtsSPV8nIBIwoX85trA19NyCAIcVxqm-Ts9XJl3-W53bIZsJ25ftmW32jSCfd2U7Gz9xNSnlglxnsf0L1lPh2amcpX_mzFprsQiuw9A/w640-h258/TARDBOT.JPG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Thanks, DumbFuckBot! I'm sure it's gonna get published this time!</div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div></div></div>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-2190988519060914452022-12-30T04:51:00.002-06:002022-12-30T06:44:47.499-06:00Half-Assed Review: Avatar - The Way of Water<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRcpzEgfN8csFzJ1EVYMvf8MCxN8kVpq8UrzQRUA7JfljVd-GmrU5HW-U3k9raXkaTe8aFYSOYBNA42aULDC_tHVRyoaQWbkyhjzl36tWN5VFOCqubKAGtq_buPZrHHrqy7ibSBuY3ohDl1wlNSVALBsI2InP5PyGet3CVTIVcMden0R0Y94vh0_Cog/s4000/avatar-2-the-way-of-water.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2000" data-original-width="4000" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicRcpzEgfN8csFzJ1EVYMvf8MCxN8kVpq8UrzQRUA7JfljVd-GmrU5HW-U3k9raXkaTe8aFYSOYBNA42aULDC_tHVRyoaQWbkyhjzl36tWN5VFOCqubKAGtq_buPZrHHrqy7ibSBuY3ohDl1wlNSVALBsI2InP5PyGet3CVTIVcMden0R0Y94vh0_Cog/w400-h200/avatar-2-the-way-of-water.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Woah. So, I saw this last night, and I have to say, I’m a
huge fan of this film, right off. Avatar was cool, but it was a long time ago.
I don’t think I saw it in a theater, and it didn’t have nearly the impact on me
that this one did.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Let me start off by saying that I hear some people bagging
on this movie, in typical fashion. “Ugh, just more of that noble savage
bullshit”, in essence. But that is a judgment on you, not the film. If that’s
your takeaway, now, 2022, you’re the problem. You are the mechanized killing
society the film speaks against. Not in deeds, but in essence.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">We should be living closer to the earth. Technology is
dehumanizing. If you have so little awareness as to scoff at that entire notion,
it’s clear what side you’re on. You’re no better than a machine yourself.
You’re a cop, a soldier, a captain of industry. Not in reality. You’re just
some dink that works at Home Depot or some shit. But in your heart, you side
with the destroyers.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But those groups identified above are obvious garbage. So
obvious to some of us that a movie like Avatar is entirely unneeded. At the
same time, the military jock police-supporting types are clearly the majority
of the world, whether they explicitly say so or not. Even if they claim
otherwise. We’re living in the proof of that.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But let’s talk about the visuals before we get into all the
socio-political ramifications.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’m from a privileged time in which I have been able to
watch the change in computer graphics as we came from green and amber
monochrome monitors to today, where graphics are becoming indistinguishable
from reality. Not only have I been witness to it, I’ve been immersed in it the
entire time. I can tell you how to remap the character set on a Commodore 8-bit
machine into 8 x 8 bitmaps. I have modeled and laid out scenes in 3D that I
then deleted a day later, because rendering a single field (two fields to a
frame…) took three days. I played Dactyl Nightmare back when virtual reality
wasn’t even a buzzword yet. I remember when you had to hand select outlines of
images in Photoshop. Better yet, I’ve gotten to know some of the major players
in the field of graphics and video, back in the days.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">So, I know a tiny bit about all this stuff.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There was not a single moment in this entire (crushingly)
long masterpiece that looked unnatural or out of place. None of the jerky,
rushed movements of old, which always jumped out at you when watching early
CGI. I’m looking at you, stupid Yoda with a lightsaber… The immersion in this
film is real and compelling.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There’s an endless richness to the details that you can
feel. You can’t take it all in at once, even. But it’s there. Much as was said
about the introduction to Amazing Stories, a very long time ago. There’s a
richness there that you can feel, even if you don’t consciously take in all the
detail. It’s there, and it helps to suspend disbelief.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">For that matter, this goes way beyond mere 3D graphics as
most people understand them. This isn’t purely rendered animation. It’s very
much a blend of real actors and practical effects married to CGI. But the
takeaway here is that it is finally seamless.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Graphics guys generally can’t just sit back and enjoy a
movie like this. Usually we’re focusing on CGI hair, which was always the
barometer of state of the art, or to a lesser degree, water. Even those
stumbling blocks aren’t present. That’s a particularly impressive achievement
considering the movie is largely an aquatic one. Instead of marveling at the
way water is rendered, it’s no longer even noticed, because it looks and
behaves exactly as water does. Beautiful, but nothing to really goggle at.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">That’s an important achievement, in my mind. A balance was
achieved there that finally just made CGI water into water. It’s no longer
important, from a technical standpoint, because it now is indistinguishable
from the real thing. And that is very important, from a technical standpoint.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But that extends to every element of the film. The Na’vi (or
N’avi or Nav’I or N’a’v’I’ or whatever, I don’t know. It’s not like half-assed
reviews merit any research) *do* look unnatural… by design. They’re aliens.
They have elongated torsos entirely unlike our own, and it stands out like a
sore thumb. But that’s intentional. It’s not an artifact of computer graphics.
So even there, it works. They’ve managed to make humans seem entirely inhuman,
but it’s flawlessly done.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I don’t think many of us know exactly how much work goes
into something like this. This movie has to be 50% custom code and processes,
because it’s a new paradigm of filmmaking. You know it wasn’t filmed in a
primordial forest or in the ocean, but when you’re watching, it’s impossible to
feel that way. Whatever techniques they’ve developed to make this happen, it
works, and better than anything I’ve ever seen before.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I have no problem with the fact that it cost a billion
dollars. With inflation being what it is, that’s probably about right. You’re
talking about tens of thousands of people working overtime for five years or
something. I’ve worked on industrial projects that had triple that budget, and
we didn’t build anything nearly this impressive in the same timeframe.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But, with something like this, once you get past the
visuals, it’s the overall message that needs to be examined. A three-hour piece
of utter fluff with no redeeming values simply would not do, and could never be
made up for by looking pretty. There has to be meaning there.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Ackshually… This movie stands on its own as a very
impressive action movie. If you could somehow drain all of the message and
meaning from it, and replace it with general mindlessness, it would still be a
very watchable, decent film. It’s that good.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Luckily, that’s not the case.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">On one hand, it just extends the message of the original
movie, and improves upon it. A people out of touch with nature and their
environment are a doomed people. Much as we are today. If you live in or near a
major metropolitan area, you are on borrowed time. Your entire lifestyle is
coming to an end, and it will be a violent, bloody end, at that. Even if you
live in the suburbs, you’re almost definitely slated for elimination. Only the
handful of people living at the fringes of civilization and beyond, already
capable of raising their own food and purifying their own water, have a chance
at survival. And even then, it’s just a chance. But a far better chance than
the rest of us have.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I realize this statement will have zero impact on the world.
The few who do read it will scoff.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Anyway…</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There’s a lot of sociological, historical, and
anthropological knowledge that goes into writing a film like this. Not the bad
sort of pseudo, feels-based science that some of us have come to detest, but
the real shit.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Technology is our undoing. This extends to even before the
industrial revolution. How’s that? Why? Because advancements in medicine and
agriculture are what allowed societal units to grow the population into the
numbers needed to do real damage, in the long run.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There are plateaus to technology. Rungs. They are based on
sheer numbers of people, for the most part. At, say, one thousand people, there
will be contained within those numbers a certain amount of people able to, for
instance, understand the importance of water purification, and the skills to bring
it to the fore.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">At one hundred thousand (I’m pulling every bit of this out
of my ass to give you some examples, so don’t go bothering to look up these
specifics), you will have the people who can conceptualize harnessing the power
of moving water to generate energy.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">And so on. At one billion people, let’s say, we begin to
have the collective brainpower (the number of brains able to conceive,
comprehend, and foster these things. Not everyone in the world.) to develop
atomic science and weapons.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Around ten billion, I would estimate, and now you’ve got the
heavy lifters who will go on to develop space travel and propulsion systems to
take us to other planets.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">We’re stuck between those two levels, currently. We have the
tech to destroy ourselves, but not the next level that could save us. More to
the point, we don’t have the emotional maturity, the ethics and morals, the
underlying creeds, that will allow us to survival for long beyond this current
stage. Even if and when we do hit the next population plateau, it’s obvious
that it will only be perverted and used to our detriment as a whole.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">We see this happening now, in real-time. A tiny slice of the
world’s population has the tools needed to survive just about any upcoming
cataclysm, and they are very near being able to escape off planet, if need be.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But that’s just for them.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">In another sense, really, mother nature doesn’t care. If we
turn this planet into a smoldering husk, lifeless, reduced to ruins, nature
remains. She’ll be back. We won’t, and there won’t be anyone or anything who
cares.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">So maybe some of this is just worthless human sentiment. An
archaic artifact, our humanity. Nature’s just as content fiddling about with
single cells and amoeba, or perhaps just crude amino acids, saline, and
electricity. Given enough time and events, something will grow out of our
destroyed earth again.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">That’s the most extreme case imaginable (short of the sun
just erasing the entire planet off the celestial map). In reality, some plants
and animals will survive us, and that’s plenty. We will probably see the rise
of a roach-based culture another few billion years hence.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But, goddamn it, some of us like trees. Birds. Dirt. The sun
on our faces. We like being humans. Mammals. We like our ability to laugh, and
cry. To feel joy and pain. If nature’s ultimate end is that we are to evolve
past feelings and become cold and unemotional aliens with big eyes, no mouth, and
zero sentiment, then maybe nature is wrong, too.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But the supply chains that enabled our stratospheric growth
will end one day soon. Some of your last meals may be each other. I don’t see
that as a loss at all, at this point. We are, collectively, not worth saving,
our own foolish, personal pretentions aside.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">And frankly, I don’t feel like expanding on this at all. You
won’t be swayed, or convinced, or changed. Who feels it knows it, one draw.
(Rita Marley. Gotta attribute it so she doesn’t sue me, I guess. One love, my
ass…) At this point, nothing anyone can say or do will bring you back closer to
nature. It’s either in you or it’s not.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Well, I guess my own pessimism (pessimism is realism…) has
taken the wind out of my own sails for this review, now. Because it is at the
social-political level, and the personal, that this film truly shines. That’s
what I intended to spend most of this review on, and now I don’t really care
enough to elaborate very much. It’s all fabulously interesting, though.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The layers and layers of commentary here are amazing. The
space colonists are the ‘white people’ in all of this. The Navi are sort of the
Indians, in relation to them. But when the Navi meet the aquatic Navi (spoiler,
bitches), they are sort of the white people to them. It’s all relative. As the
movie says, we focus far too much on our differences at the expense of noticing
our similarities and commonalities.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But the aquatic Navi address what I was feeling about the
jungle Navi. They gots no ass. No nothing. Androgynous bullshit. By contrast,
the aquatic Navi… damn. But they’re not just thick, and the men look like men.
It’s apparent in their hair, their attitudes. It’s a subtle treatise on racial
differences. Two tribes, alike in stature, but entirely different. There’s no
judgment made one way or another, of course. One culture and body type is more
suited for one region than another.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">One important thing this film shows is that you can be a
lesbian and still be a huge piece of shit. You can be an Asian and still be a
huge piece of shit.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The biggest pieces of shit, in charge of the whole mess, are
white people, though. Though through that vague Avatar science, even that is
obscured, which adds to the level of complexity. The piece of shit marine
colonel stereotype trope has a native Navi body. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The white deadlock kid, to me, is the worst thing about the
whole movie. He kinda sold out the Navi by falling in with the bad guys. He
could have escaped. He could have killed at least some of them. He could have
committed suicide.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Any of that would have been far more honorable. To make
matters worse, he SAVES the fucking villain (fucking spoiler, bitches!). Yay
for stupid sequels. I wish that kid had been killed, instead. I prefer the
fucking irrational white people villains over his lack of character.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I guess I’m criticizing, at this point, so let me continue.
The writing is good. Quite good, structurally. The dialogue is also good, with
a mix of formal and Earthisms that works very well. The story overall is well
thought-out.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Even when I was rolling my eyes at some deus ex machina
stuff, for the first time conscious of what I felt was bad writing, my beliefs
were upended less than a minute later. Wow. Now that sort of subverting
expectations is GREAT writing. They set me up, then knocked me down.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But the movie is bloodless and sexless.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Or, more to the point, there is precious little realness, at
the core of it all. It’s very PG. I want to see BLOOD. I was sitting in my seat
with all the rage of my ancestors boiling up within me, and I was crying out
for serious blood to be spilled. Instead, it’s very sparingly used. Almost
never. Most of the deaths are like in G.I. Joe where a helicopter blows up, and
the bad guys just fall to the ground.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Not quite that bad, but along those lines.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">For a bunch of people running around almost completely
naked, there is almost no sensuality present. Which is odd, for me to not be
able to sexualize something. It’s not just in presentation, but there is no
passion expressed by anyone toward anyone else along those lines. None. A few
potential budding romances are indicated by smiles.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Instead, everyone behaves ‘perfectly’ all the time, however
imperfect their actions are.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Also, this is an awkward segway, and let’s keep it more
related to nakedness than sexuality, shall we? Can you possibly imagine what
reaction this movie would get if everyone wasn’t painted blue? The country just
watched three hours of topless ten year old girls, and no one batted an eye.
Now, in an ideal society, that’s probably normal and healthy. France, I
daresay, is far more comfortable about this stuff than the U.S., and also seems
to be a lot more responsible with their attitudes and practices.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">But the U.S. isn’t France. It isn’t healthy. Which makes
this tiny detail of the film an important one, in some sense that I am unable
or unwilling to define in this half-assed review. It’s low-key revolutionary,
at a time when these issues are at an all-time high in the public
consciousness.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">So, getting back to racial analogies, where I am more
comfortable being edgy, there are a number of interesting things at play, here.
Just one of which involves being of ‘mixed’ heritage.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">We’re all ‘mixed’. It’s just a matter of what the mix is
composed of. In this case, though, it’s about being half-human and half-Navi.
Or being a human in a Navi body. Or being a full human raised with Navi, and
accepted as such, for the most part, despite the impossibility of ever fitting
in entirely, for real.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">All of that is given a lot of focus, and it’s all handed
very well. Lots of food for thought there.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">One of the subplots in this regard involves a ‘half-breed’
who I will call “Young Winona Ryder Catgirl”, who is pretty much the only cute
female Navi, other than the very strong mother figure. She is weighed down by
her differentness, even though it seems to have unlocked some power the rest of
them don’t possess. It does speak to the value and power of merging our
collective genes to create some new expression of ourselves that has the
potential, at least, to surpass the current generations.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">She is also complicated by the fact that her actual mother
is Sigourney Weaver, the only person I recognized in the entire film. It’s
wonderful to see her there, really. I love her so much, and she deserves that
role. It’s also one she created all by herself since Alien first hit the silver
screen.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">It was only after the fact that I realized Kate Winslet was
in it, and I couldn’t tell you off-hand who she played. The movie is better
without any recognizable stars, I think that’s apparent. I don’t want to be distracted
by fucking Joe Pesci or some shit, nam sayin’? (Is he dead? I have no idea…)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The last few criticisms I will level at the overall plot and
writing (I still hate the Tarzan white kid, even though his dreadlocks were
extremely accurate!) are as follows:</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The Navi culture is way too perfect. Yes, okay, this is what
people might be trying to say when they scoff at the noble savage trope. Real
Indian culture wasn’t homogenous, or peaceful, or non-violent. The Navi all
work together way too well, in a way humans cannot. And I guess that’s because
they’re not human. Okay, fair cop. Nevertheless. If we tried to emulate that
culture ourselves, it would fall apart at 100 people. If not less. It may be
realistic for aliens who are deeply interconnected, but very much not realistic
for us humans.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Furthermore, after all the shit they went through in the
first movie, they made ZERO fucking preparations to fend off or shut down
further encroachment. In fact, they tolerated colonies and bases on their own
planet for the entire time since the first movie. Zero thought seems to have
been given to fending off further invasions, which they clearly know are
inevitable.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">That… kinda supports them being wiped out, in the long run.
Like I said, nature is a bitch. Tech without heart is terrible, but if you
don’t have any, you will be subjugated by those who do. Instead of picking
sides, we should be seeking a merger of the two. That would be balance. It’s
not either/or. Or shouldn’t have to be. For that matter, the actions of the
Earthlings are entirely irrational. Just going apeshit to get revenge on one
person. It doesn’t make any sense at all, and… yeah, I guess that’s probably
pretty accurate, also.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Three quick things here. What I just referenced above is an
allusion to Moby Dick, and there is plenty in the film to support my assertion.
So that’s really some clever writing and film-making. Add to that Cameron’s nod
to Full Metal Jacket (“Outstanding!”) AND a return to The Titanic. Nice work
bro, really. Very nice. Even though it’s as much “The Poseidon Adventure” as it
is Titanic. That almost makes it even cooler.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I don’t think taking out ten minutes of gunplay really
helped lessen the ‘fetishment’ of gun violence or whatever Cameron was talking
about in the press, as there is still plenty, but yeah, the movie didn’t need
ten more minutes of anything, so good call, there. Save the virtue signaling,
though. There’s tons of gun violence.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">More importantly, dude is in the press saying we need to
eradicate masculinity. The movie itself shows the very necessary balance
between the masculine and feminine. Those roles might have been perverted by
modern life, but those paradigms exist. We are different. Both have good and
bad points. To utterly downplay one over the other is fundamentally wrong. I’m
calling bullshit. His movie is more informed than he himself is.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">There’s a lot of stuff going on in regard to
race/genders/cultures, and what have you, and each of us will take something
different away from that. No, we won’t
all be in agreement, but we will all be considering the same issues when we
watch it. That’s probably not a bad thing at all.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Deeper subtext? The extraction by brain drill scene harkens
to some people’s (kinda bullshit) ‘adrenochrome’ stuff. I say kinda bullshit,
because I don’t think that substance is the point at all, in those lurid
‘conspiracy’ tales. It’s more like the way King ALSO alluded to in Dr. Sleep,
not just some extract. Some people are torturing and raping kids, sorry. If you
refuse to believe that is even possible, somewhere, somehow, well, you don’t
live in the real world. Please read a book on the Caesars.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Another subtext? This movie is telling YOU that YOU need to
be ready to kill. If you can’t spill blood in your own defense, your blood will
be spilled. And it is also saying that you’ll likely be on the side that
doesn’t even have firearms. A lot of times, the guns are out of ammo or quit
working, throughout this film. Rocks always work. Spears and arrows always
work. And they are plentiful.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I could go on and on about this movie. Almost four thousand
words are enough. Watch it or not, I don’t care. I enjoyed it.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I can’t *necessarily* say it’s one of my top five favorite
movies, because that would mean kicking out something far closer to my own
heart, like Repo Man. Do not fuck with my Repo Man. But I do think it’s easily
one of the top five most IMPORTANT movies of the past 100 years. At least when
we’re talking about pop culture and entertainment. It’s ambitious, and it
succeeds.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">When will it jump the shark? I imagine it’s hard as hell to
do a threepeat, but I do wish Cameron and company luck. The world kinda needs
it, if we even live that long. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">One last thing, as I forgot to touch on this in the whole of
this review. Are there any black people in this damn movie at all? It seems
weird that I now can’t recall a single one. Huh. Also, the little bit about
‘the way of water’ as alluded to in the title was a very nice piece of writing.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Also, Cameron, ya dink. Put in a bathroom break.
Intermissions were a thing at the movies. Since the theaters are living off of
coke and candy sales, they would appreciate it. The length was right for this
movie, but I peed before, twice during, and really had to go afterward…
Drinking $14 worth of cokes (two) will do that to you.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Your thoughts in the comments would be very welcomed.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">ADDENDUM: An empath who I respect entirely has asked me to reconsider the case of the young Tarzan kid. Okay, fine. I'll stop wishing death on him. At the same time, it's this excessive sentimentality that gets entire groups of people eradicated...</p><p class="MsoNormal"> <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p>
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-22367646877151737702022-12-23T08:27:00.005-06:002022-12-23T18:14:52.399-06:00Half-Assed Review: "The 100" on Netflix<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuYLACer_HuTN3408R-RXW76x1fUMWJlbvHWik3wpzjkwaeJNV74bU33GpFiEDJRHrCOmduypDET-bUfYdg3BcJX6rbkOqZm6dLxjY0jG2_nxS101AXe6gmyMonLnDfq__kCXbLRIchx28M5X9XrCZIYViQRRtf30OlLkK-DYlNmQZ0g32_sdQMBhqPg/s1280/p18078200_b_h8_ae.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuYLACer_HuTN3408R-RXW76x1fUMWJlbvHWik3wpzjkwaeJNV74bU33GpFiEDJRHrCOmduypDET-bUfYdg3BcJX6rbkOqZm6dLxjY0jG2_nxS101AXe6gmyMonLnDfq__kCXbLRIchx28M5X9XrCZIYViQRRtf30OlLkK-DYlNmQZ0g32_sdQMBhqPg/w640-h360/p18078200_b_h8_ae.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p>So, I have been seeing the graphic for this show on Netflix for years, and someone finally convinced me to check it out. As a rule, I watch very few movies, and even less TV. A few cartoons, maybe, and select shows (Peaky Blinders, Umbrella Academy, GoT, etc.)</p><p>This was actually a pleasant surprise. First of all, it was apparently produced for the CW, which is a channel for senior citizens, I thought, and only worthy of skipping over. It later found a home on Netflix, and I agree with that decision. It's slick and well-produced.</p><p>Before I finished an episode, this felt like a worthy successor to 'Lost', which I have never, ever watched. I am relatively confident in saying this show was better. It's more pertinent, and contains far fewer loose ends, knowing what we know now about Lost. Because you are very unlikely to be stranded on a desert isle, but you are definitely facing a coming collapse and further dystopia, whether you are aware of it or not.</p><p>Based on a novel I also haven't read, it successfully tells two stories. One is decidedly sci-fi, involving a surviving group of humans on a decaying space station, post apocalypse. The other involves a group of youth sent back to Earth to determine the viability of a return for the others.</p><p>Much as the logo suggests, it is a clash of worlds. In fact, it's a clash of worlds within a clash of worlds. The space station culture vs. the newly-minted earthling culture. The newly-minted earthlings vs. the survivors on Earth that they didn't know about. For starters.</p><p>So, there's a lot to work with there. The space station is a fairly harsh survival scenario, where laws are absolute, death is the primary penalty, and everything is for the good of the collective. Except where concerns their leaders, naturally. On Earth, it's very much a Lord of the Flies situation. In fact, power struggles are what this show is all about. Everyone wants to rule everyone, with a few genuine leaders in the mix, trying to do what's best for the groups involved.</p><p>There are plenty of twists and surprises. It's not all entirely predictable. It's also fairly brutal and edgy at times, at least when you consider who produced it. There is poignancy of a sort, emotional drama, love (and love triangles). Sort of something for everyone, here. It really should appeal to the Hunger Games crowd.</p><p>In fact, the only character names I know (kinda...) are women. That's not just because I have a preference, there, but because they're some of the most compelling characters. (Clarke, Raven, and Octavia, if you're quizzing me.) But there are also memorable male characters, forgive me for not knowing their names.</p><p>Lots of betrayals and double-crosses. It ain't Game of Thrones, for sure, but there is plenty of intrigue. Fluff+, perhaps, but fluff that can still occasionally make you think a bit. I'm gonna wrap up this lazy-ass review with a score of 8/10. I hear it very much loses the plot in later seasons, but it went on for something like seven or eight of them. I plan on stopping before that point.</p><p>I do have a bit of trouble ignoring what I consider to be major plotholes. I don't think third-generation people raised on a spacecraft would just be entirely comfortable rushing out into a forest to live. I also feel that there would be some slang developed by that point. The international nature of the space station (actually a merger of twelve different country's stations) doesn't really translate into any difference on screen. They're all excessively homogenized. </p><p>But, meh. It's TV. I think it's far more worthy of your attention than One Tree Hill or whatever passes for entertainment on the CW... If you're looking for something interesting, give this one a few episodes worth of attention.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/70283264">THE 100 ON NETFLIX</a></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-38229350854562318742022-06-05T16:11:00.000-05:002022-06-05T16:11:20.987-05:00Profiles in Excellence: Author Naomi Ault<p> </p><p><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span><span> </span>According
to biologist Howard Bloom, anyway, we’re all bad motherfuckers. Each of us
alive on this planet have overcome a lot of tough odds to be here. Then there’s
author Naomi Ault. A bad motherfucker on a planet of bad motherfuckers. While I
would like to think she would be slightly shocked and put off by this declaration,
it’s true. Now, allow me to explain.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> In
terms of elite feats of mental prowess, did you know that novel writing ranks
just below hardcore research papers in terms of brainpower? They’re generally
regarded as the most high-end intellectual pursuits one may pursue. But among
authors, merely writing a novel, as big as accomplishment as it is, is just par
for the course. You’re not much of a novelist if you can’t do that.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> Writing
a really *good* novel is something else entirely.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> Naomi
has written at least two, so far. It’s kind of hard to quantify, because her
debut, Chew, continues to grow on Vella. It’s now a series. So, woah. Then
she released Alice Kane Must Die on Vella, which is also intriguing, although I
must confess to having not read it yet, opening chapter aside. I did read
enough to know I’ll finish it. But that merely makes her a good and competent
writer, with an excellent command of storytelling, worldbuilding, and character
development.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">How, then, I hear you asking, does
she qualify for this outlandish BMF title? Because she has mastered all the
many things writers need to do *after* they write a great book. Her first paperback
is extremely slick. Her marketing campaigns are amazing. She engages readers.
In fact, she took herself to the top of the (Canadian) charts in her genre.
Canada or not, that’s pretty damn impressive.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Naomi is literally a case study in
how it is done. One person, acting alone, ala Lee Harvey Oswald, has carved out
a name for herself in the now tough world of indie authors. This is not an easy
task. Yet she made it look not only easy, but fun. Not to mention, I do believe
she made some serious bank off of Vella with her popularity. Bank, like, more
than I have made in ten years as a writer.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">So, as an indie author, you can just
moan and whine that you don’t have enough readers, as I do, or you can follow
her example and learn from her. Videos, giveaways, promos… I don’t know how she
got so damn good at all this, but I do know she works hard at it. The results
speak for themselves. Naomi Ault is a bad motherfucker. Check out her author
site here: <a href="https://naomiault.com/">https://naomiault.com/</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Oh, and of course she has another
novel in the wings, and is working on a collaborative effort with someone else
on yet another… <o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Chew-Season-One-Naomi-Ault-ebook/dp/B09VZ9VC1C" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="313" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUNB0jD7y_Z6_JnKAJdAfqUZo2xhQtycdLHCIGXBH13PxP5W7YAwYUbH4joY_tjMwWzxkPBUBpMfdiDHn1lAYwEocVIT5kO2DydlrY1UVjiMKELvIKzIPjb6qUl2mSXdhW3QMZd1zW56ZzEZLX_iWcPD5EO1E2-ELkzod0rkeObgygi_FmhMDkEm6JRQ/s320/51yIg8VsqZL.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09KX43JGP" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="563" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKC7zwU-x_osVaVqLklFWi2Z04liIQ-4yHyaJ-j_7RBESX0GmjRyJOgmf99UXMIlM7j9a369z2J8ctz41WAfh9S6vxymi0LdbRGvwHSj9A_4wEZdMM9YHyqOqlh9iD-syFM7Q7UDZGZCxGnh2tfuJeNoBNSqqeDMzbQJslmy_w0zolTJr5fXZ5CZYtlw/s320/81B2++a27xL._SY900_.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><br /><br /><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br /></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-39598517101334632962021-09-02T09:57:00.003-05:002021-09-13T10:57:04.638-05:00Kindle Vella, Instagram Drama, Promotion Quickie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09DYYMSBX" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1280" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlZr-jcQtIRZu7pLUCehXUDszVr1OC8GwtDToQkpsHDfAVUzTOHLEZdiiKpClYOwFAw146zUuc_eWQbSODja0wy06NBNDlJusG0dh0-nvs1DfJOhU8EhdLTCSAMRtbjDjp0myarNcUIzsx/w400-h640/Everything_Bulb.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div><br /></div><b>Kindle Vella</b><br /><p>Welp, I put a title on <a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/">Amazon's Vella</a>. Impetuously, foolishly, but there you have it. It's sort of what I do.</p><p>Vella is Amazon's serial, episodic story experiment. The first three chapters are free, then users can purchase tokens to unlock more chapters. It's...interesting. New users also get 200 tokens to spend, which is a nice incentive. Beyond that, tokens are about a penny each, and you can expect an average chapter to run from 15 to maybe 30 tokens or so, based on length. 20 is probably average.</p><p>For me, I enjoy the attempt at stretching and writing under a tiny bit of pressure. The story I'm posting (don't tell anyone) is being written as I go along. I'm far enough ahead that if I keep writing a chapter a day as I've been doing, I'll be done before people are caught up to where I am currently. Writing without a net. </p><p>There are problems with the program, as I see it. First of all, Amazon takes your cover and turns in into a circular graphic. If you don't like the results, and I don't, with my cover, you'll have to make an entirely new one, and it's hard to nail down. Pretty terrible, honestly.</p><p>The other aspect I'm questioning is the economics of it all. For one, readers are reluctant to read books that aren't fully published. We know this because readers are reluctant to read even a series that is incomplete. Thank you, Stephen King and Clive Barker for that.</p><p>But I had to purchase some tokens to continue reading the first Vella story I couldn't ignore. It's not available as an ebook, and is the first novel (serial? I don't know what a Vella story is. A story.) by this author. They're prolific, and I can see that I will have spent far more to read their work than if I had purchased a $2.99 ebook. Or a $3.99 ebook. Or a damn $4.99 ebook.</p><p>I don't buy $4.99 ebooks. In this case, it's worth it. But not a practice I follow, ordinarily. So Amazon may have managed to turn a $2.99 ebook into a $9.99 one.</p><p>Now that's great for an author, if you are getting a lot of reads. It's very meritocratic. But I don't see the frugal, spendthrift ebook crowd doing that for a lot of authors. One nice thing about Vella, so far, is that it's dominated completely by indies. Like all things Amazon, that will change.</p><p>King is probably finishing up on some 1,800 page epic as we speak.</p><p>There are any number of quirks to Vella for authors to be aware of. The blurb length is reduced. If you're adapting an existing ebook, your old blurb will be too long. </p><p>The categories are limited. Very bare bones, there. You can add seven tags, but there are only a handful of genres to choose from as far as categorizing your work goes. No erotica category, although there is some on there. Authors had to develop their own WDTM tag for that. (Write Dirty To Me...) Likewise, you can't mark your work as explicit, so the tag serves that function as well.</p><p><b>WRONG: Apparently there is an erotica category. Not sure how I missed that.</b></p><p>There is no real way to connect with readers. They are reading stories in the void. The titles are not tied to your author page, and the reviews will not apply to the ebook version if you publish one later. </p><p>Once your work is released, there are no update announcements to the Vella front page. Not only that, but if your story isn't explicitly followed, readers will have no idea. In fact, I've never gotten an update for the one story I am following...</p><p>Did I mention that on a laptop, it displays the text in a tiny phone format? WHY?</p><p>There is a an iPhone app, via Kindle for iPhone. But no Android version. It's in the works, but not having it at release is bizarre. The whole thing feels sort of rushed and half-baked. Relatable. But it could be so much better. At least the iPhone readers get notifications of new episodes. (Or was we used to call them, chapters...) You can also break your work into 'Seasons', and that also seems weird, to me. These are still books, not Netflix shows. I guess they are trying to capture the youth market and get them reading again, with bite-sized stories for mobile. That's probably a positive, but as a writer, I find it slightly offensive.</p><p>Vella seems kinda shitty when you look at all of those problems together. I expect it to change over time, of course. Or just die off. Or just limp along like...a zombie. Knowing Amazon, the changes will tend to favor major publishers instead of indies, over time.</p><p>Despite all of that, it's an interesting experiment. If you have a work that's finished, or almost finished, you have little to lose by giving it a shot. It might even motivate you to work harder, as you'll give yourself a little pressure to be more productive. That's always a good thing.</p><p>One feature I do enjoy is the chapter endnote feature. I like adding commentary or flavor to my work in that way. Readers can give your episode a 'like', and they can make a story their favorite every week. So that's something. Something fleeting, as it's reset every month, like it or not.</p><p>If it takes off, I can see it shaping the way stories are written, as a cliffhanger format works well on Vella. I love writing chapter endings that make you want to push on to learn what happens next. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B098KPHB79" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="318" data-original-width="318" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0uaqTVmj4em6dB6DyhX-sTy8PTXdoc9vPaPU6IivZAktOL-bgBO9Q6lmmgV4yL6FlTD-RtgodiNBN5F2qbt1UPiwI2B6caToDh8_aUDmqT2pgnALLe2Xnk-QnCXBgeSwronY5F4JrKbHS/w640-h640/58746056._SX318_.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>In case you're wondering, the story that got me into Vella is <a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B098KPHB79">Chew by newly published author Naomi Ault</a>. I got so sucked in by this one, I apparently read an entire novel (or at least a long novella) in two days. Something like 38,000 words. It's a smart and fresh take on the zombie genre. She writes in a crisp, clear style that results in a very visual story. I feel it's a lot more cerebral than anything else I've ever read in this area. I compare it favorably to the mighty World War Z novel in my review, in fact. It's a five-star book that I gave four stars out of pure jealousy. She's an amazing author.</p><p><b>Don't Be An Idiot (Like Me)</b></p><p>Ever since I got on Instagram as an author, but especially since I ran a few promo experiments, I get bombarded with people trying to entice me into book promotions, and almost all of them include reviews. Fake reviews. </p><p>After one particularly annoying incident, I broke my own written rule about engaging people, screenshotted the conversation, and posted it there. Big mistake. The guy got irate, told me to take it down, and I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to people telling me what to do.</p><p>I got two Verified Purchase one-star reviews in a single day. I'm kicking myself, because I knew better in the first place. My flagship book dropped from a solid four stars to 3.5 overnight.</p><p>I'm fine with legitimate bad reviews. This is entirely different. A malicious campaign had started. In fact, he threatened me with twenty of them. I took down the post, let him know that he was starting an utter war with a maniac, and...apologized. Things seem to have cooled down now, but I am for the first time trying to get Amazon to take down a review. </p><p>I hate to have to do that, and it just goes to show that authors are in a uniquely bad position. We are entirely free when we write. In the real world, we are subject to the whims of anyone we encounter. The safest bet is to not even talk to people like that. Calling them out publicly is a terrible idea. </p><p>I knew better. I've written about it. The irony of the situation isn't lost on me. </p><p><b>A Legitimate Promoter?</b></p><p>My new narrator, who is concerned with my lack of, well, everything, found a Fiverr book promoter who actually looks like they can make a difference. At first glance, <a href="https://www.fiverr.com/smm_sema/promote-and-marketing-book-ebook-kindle-book-amazon-book-to-targeted-audience?source=order_page_summary_gig_link_image&funnel=aa2cc2e34c3ac15b6e195c858a200f0a">Smm_Sema</a> doesn't inspire confidence. She is from Pakistan (not that there's anything wrong with that), I believe, with only six or so ratings. The ad copy doesn't look promising at all, at first glace.</p><p>But what she offers seems to stand out from most Fiverr promoters. She has a detailed list of book promotion groups, along with their membership numbers, that she will post your blurb, graphic, and link to. For the nominal cost of ten dollars, she can legitimately claim exposure to potentially millions of people. </p><p>It's a refreshingly honest approach, simple and direct. An author would have to spend way too much time on Facebook, etc. to achieve what she is able to do on her own. The campaign goes live in two days, and if I sell even a copy or two, I'm going to take the plunge and purchase her deluxe package for a different novel.</p><p>Then I'm going to try and redo her graphic and ad copy. I hope it works out, because she is the opposite of scammy and pushy. Expect an update if things go well.</p><p><b>Everything Went Black: The Tokio Jones Story as told to <a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-dbs/entity/author/B09DXL34GR">Janice Livingston</a></b></p><p>I haven't published in a while, until just recently. I haven't written since 2016, I do believe. That's all changing rapidly. Even though I have two incomplete series, and a handful of partially finished projects, I have suddenly found myself engrossed in an entirely unforeseen new work.</p><p>It's a Radar Love prequel, telling the story of Tokio, the main secondary character, and the impetus for the entire story arc. Better yet, it's told as dictated to Janice Livingston, another character from the third, unreleased (but almost done) Penultimate Hustle L.A. It's also first person, episodic, and surprisingly unpornographic. </p><p>This has forced me to create an entire bio and pseudo-history for Janice, and even putting a face to her name, It's literally the missing link the series needed.</p><p>It's enormously fun to write, and I have already generated an entire novella's worth of material, with no end in sight. There's a lot to tell here, and it enhances the original story and series to a high degree.</p><p>It's also enjoyable to write as someone else. The text ends up a blend of Tokio and Janice, mixing it up in some Snoop Dogg and Martha Stewart fashion, and becoming greater than the sum of its parts. The cover is still being finalized, the timelines have to change a bit to make the two books mesh, but there you have it. Don't be an idiot. Like me.</p><p>Of course, I published it to Vella. And why not? No one is going to read it anyway. You're not reading this now. At any rate, pretend you are, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/kindle-vella/story/B09DYYMSBX">click on this link</a>. I can pretend you're my beta reader, and I am finally doing things the right way.</p><p>Thanks for not reading!</p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-55147262673283119042021-08-18T22:46:00.004-05:002021-08-18T22:58:29.393-05:00Building an Integrated Universe<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="The Dark Tower series by Stephen King is a major influence on me as a writer. It is up there with Lord of the Rings, in my mind. But, story aside, what has interested me for a long time now was how it became the hub of all King’s work. It started out small, I think in Wizard & Glass, when he made reference to The Stand and Captain Trips. What it eventually grew into was a universe that held all of his other books and characters, and did it all in a very organic way. He even ended up in the story himself, as himself, in a very meta fashion that served the plot well. The only other example of something like this that I can name offhand was Robert Heinlein’s ending of Number of the Beast, another favorite classic. At the end, the protagonists have gathered their favorite people from many universes into one place for a sort of convention/reunion, including Lazarus Long, and Valentine Michael Smith, the hero of Stranger in a Strange Land. I think Heinlein himself also makes a cameo. Heinlein’s expanded universe and future history did provide a framework for a significant part of his work, furthermore. With those influences at play, it’s no wonder that I found myself working along similar lines as I developed my stories. I think the first time it happened, I had written a character that briefly appeared in my sci-fi/fantasy novella Hurricane Regina. Her name was Renee Hollander, and she was ballsy, brash, funny, and hot. She deserved her own story. And has one, although I haven’t even typed up what I wrote about her, so far. Her novel Reduction of Forces is an industrial construction murder mystery of sorts, and details her early life as well as her time as the head of the world’s largest construction outfit, Zen Construction. Radar Love has always existed as a standalone story. But when I was writing it, my fiancée at the time, and this is hard to explain (there may have been drugs involved), felt that Janique was becoming too powerful. We roleplayed with her, we enacted things that we later put into the book, and she was becoming a force to be reckoned with. So, we invented the character Prail. She was calculated to be the opposite of Janique in every way, and would serve to counteract her. Her novella, Perfect Me, flirts with Douglas Adams’s universe directly (and I have paid dearly for that…), but it also incorporated stuff from my musical career, such as it was, and includes parody versions of me and my little brother, as High-C and O.D. Drugwar. High-C, the non-space, non-glorified version, is also a primary character in my Zombie Killa novella. But when I got around to writing the sequel, Cure for Sanity, I found Prail and Janique working together. That is when things really began to get weird. Janique, my character, makes numerous attempts to kill me, the author. Not only that, but she takes a crack at King, as well. In a strange sense, the series not only ties into my works, but into King and Adams’s, as well. Multiverse stuff is fun like that. That book also makes reference to the third novel involving Janique, which parallels that point in its own story. I just stumbled upon that line in my re-read before I attempt to finish it, and was enormously pleased with myself and the way it turned out. Pageburner also existed in a bubble, for a long time. While some people have asked for a sequel, and I have even mused over the idea numerous times, it has never happened. Until it kind of did. Forever Daddy, another untyped, uncompleted work, sits at some forty-thousand words, with a lot left to say. It somehow ended up being the prequel to Reduction of Forces. Renee is in it, of course, but so is Paige and Jean from Pageburner, and Janique Turner makes a cameo in it as well. It is now somehow the hub of all my stories. All the integration feels very good and natural, and that pleases me to no end. With very little prompting and prodding, I now find myself having written a good 12,000 words in the past few days on an entirely unforeseen project. My narrator of Radar Love felt that perhaps someday the character Tokio could have his own story. Whatever writing jam I had in me broke loose with that idea, and seven chapters in, we meet little Maxine Jackson, who we know as Maxxy from Pageburner. The real meta stuff about that novel, though, is that it is written by one of my characters, Janice Livingston, about another of my characters. I’m no longer sure what role I play in the creation of these stories, other than moving my fingers on a keyboard. They all seem to have rich lives of their own, independent of me. I guess the point of this column is that you can add an entire layer of richness and complexity to your stories if you approach them in this fashion. I don’t suggest you try and shoehorn things like this in. If it don’t fit, don’t force it. But if you’re aware of the technique and approach, what you end up with after several novels is an entire universe for the reader. They might not explore every aspect of it, but the ones they do will be a little more familiar to them each time, and it all adds up to a more enjoyable experience overall. Or such is my perception of things, anyway." style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="403" data-original-width="728" height="354" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhM8BG8AI4dH0QZ1LmdX_Hzqo8LQKVL_gFaegvQQKZhO7K7ix0n0CYl0-iHAmUf26jOL4U1L-titFh9CyhsBFnzFBPfyRKWzs97rKO8u_U2GpBvcmkCfGEnsdTjJtQV5JlF7i-Ywh3FDtRO/w640-h354/adom-integrated-in-the-cosmos-wallpaper-preview.jpg" width="640" /></a><br /><br /></div><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The Dark Tower series by Stephen
King is a major influence on me as a writer. It is up there with Lord of the
Rings, in my mind. But, story aside, what has interested me for a long time now
was how it became the hub of all King’s work. It started out small, I think in
Wizard & Glass, when he made reference to The Stand and Captain Trips. What
it eventually grew into was a universe that held all of his other books and
characters, and did it all in a very organic way. He even ended up in the story
himself, as himself, in a very meta fashion that served the plot well.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">The only other example of something
like this that I can name offhand was Robert Heinlein’s ending of Number of the
Beast, another favorite classic. At the end, the protagonists have gathered
their favorite people from many universes into one place for a sort of convention/reunion,
including Lazarus Long, and Valentine Michael Smith, the hero of Stranger in a
Strange Land. I think Heinlein himself also makes a cameo. Heinlein’s expanded
universe and future history did provide a framework for a significant part of
his work, furthermore.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">With those influences at play, it’s
no wonder that I found myself working along similar lines as I developed my
stories.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I think the first time it happened,
I had written a character that briefly appeared in my sci-fi/fantasy novella Hurricane
Regina. Her name was Renee Hollander, and she was ballsy, brash, funny, and
hot. She deserved her own story. And has one, although I haven’t even typed up
what I wrote about her, so far. Her novel Reduction of Forces is an industrial
construction murder mystery of sorts, and details her early life as well as her
time as the head of the world’s largest construction outfit, Zen Construction.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Radar Love has always existed as a
standalone story. But when I was writing it, my fiancée at the time, and this
is hard to explain (there may have been drugs involved), felt that Janique was
becoming too powerful. We roleplayed with her, we enacted things that we later put
into the book, and she was becoming a force to be reckoned with.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">So, we invented the character
Prail. She was calculated to be the opposite of Janique in every way, and would
serve to counteract her. Her novella, Perfect Me, flirts with Douglas Adams’s
universe directly (and I have paid dearly for that…), but it also incorporated
stuff from my musical career, such as it was, and includes parody versions of
me and my little brother, as High-C and O.D. Drugwar. High-C, the non-space,
non-glorified version, is also a primary character in my Zombie Killa novella.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">But when I got around to writing
the sequel, Cure for Sanity, I found Prail and Janique working together. That
is when things really began to get weird. Janique, my character, makes numerous
attempts to kill me, the author. Not only that, but she takes a crack at King,
as well. In a strange sense, the series not only ties into my works, but into
King and Adams’s, as well. Multiverse stuff is fun like that. That book also
makes reference to the third novel involving Janique, Penultimate Hustle: L.A., which parallels that
point in its own story. I just stumbled upon that line in my re-read before I
attempt to finish it, and was enormously pleased with myself and the way it
turned out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">Pageburner also existed in a bubble,
for a long time. While some people have asked for a sequel, and I have even
mused over the idea numerous times, it has never happened. Until it kind of
did. Forever Daddy, another untyped, uncompleted work, sits at some
forty-thousand words, with a lot left to say. It ended up being the
prequel to Reduction of Forces. Renee is in it, of course, but so is Paige and Jean from Pageburner, and Janique
Turner makes a cameo in it as well. It is now somehow the hub of all my stories.
All the integration feels very good and natural, and that pleases me to no end.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">With very little prompting and
prodding, I now find myself having written a good 12,000 words in the past few
days on an entirely unforeseen project. My narrator of Radar Love felt that
perhaps someday the character Tokio could have his own story. Whatever writing logjam
I had in me broke loose with that idea, and seven chapters in, we meet little
Maxine Jackson, who we know as Maxxy from Pageburner. The real meta stuff about
that novel, though, is that it is written by one of my characters, Janice
Livingston, about another of my characters. I’m no longer sure what role I play
in the creation of these stories, other than moving my fingers on a keyboard.
They all seem to have lives of their own, independent of me.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">I guess the point of this column is
that you can add an entire layer of richness and complexity to your stories if
you approach them in this fashion. I don’t suggest you try and shoehorn things
like this in. If it don’t fit, don’t force it. But if you’re aware of the technique
and approach, what you end up with after several novels is an entire universe
for the reader. They might not explore every aspect of it, but the ones they do
will be a little more familiar to them each time, and it all adds up to a more
enjoyable experience overall. Or such is my perception of things, anyway.<o:p></o:p></p><br /><p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-35397480650857171092021-08-16T19:21:00.007-05:002021-08-16T19:37:37.564-05:00Okay, Fine. Marketing.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEL8IiRt-oaBsT67XCoEH5Yw9As1o5N3JyI5cdGETtI_Ixrp15SXL_Ke6PbLrYZlTwvx4-lFpvnPQ0vtTDXeSmYhXNFS47ckukexkwdsyQnhRXO3H8dNOybMQJW1AykSfDbwtL2f9-28Tq/s500/money-down-the-drain.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="500" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEL8IiRt-oaBsT67XCoEH5Yw9As1o5N3JyI5cdGETtI_Ixrp15SXL_Ke6PbLrYZlTwvx4-lFpvnPQ0vtTDXeSmYhXNFS47ckukexkwdsyQnhRXO3H8dNOybMQJW1AykSfDbwtL2f9-28Tq/w640-h480/money-down-the-drain.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p>Ordinarily, I enjoy promoting. But my experience comes mainly from promoting musical projects and websites, some of which involved a lot of other people's work. That doesn't interfere with music in any way, and really instead enhances the whole experience.</p><p>As a writer, though, you can't be writing or editing if you're promoting. Sure, you're writing blog posts, Instagram posts, comments, etc. But that is just gravy. The meat and potatoes, your books, sit by idly as you get taken further and further away from them, unless you are extraordinarily focused.</p><p>In gearing up for the release of the Radar Love audiobook, now a month or two away from completion, I have gotten many of my titles in a state where I feel comfortable pushing them a bit. </p><p>Here's what I've found so far.</p><p>KDP and making books free for a few weekends remains a force to be reckoned with. Even without scheduled free promotions lined up on the websites that handle that sort of thing (which takes a lot of scheduling and planning, not the sort of off-the-cuff stuff I have been doing this round), it's relatively easy to get your work into a few hundred more hands.</p><p>Will they read any of it? That remains to be seen.</p><p>It can, and in my case, did lead to sales of non-free books. Plus having links in your back matter should translate into a few more long-tail sales over time. It also helps with visibility to be on Amazon's top 20 free charts for a few days, and usually results in the selling of a few copies right after the free period ends and you're still charting. You'll also likely rack up a few reads via Kindle Unlimited or whatever the program is that pays you for each page read online.</p><p>In embarking on this campaign, I tried to space things out, and group my promotions together in such a way that I could gauge results based on the general action. Each week involved a different tack.</p><p>The first new thing I tried now that I'm a "Bookstagrammer" was enlisting the services of the Indian book promoters who are prevalent there. Let me save you some time and money. Don't.</p><p>First of all, they want to sell reviews, and I can't emphasize enough how you should never do this. In fact, it took a good deal of explaining, a few times, exactly how I did not want them to do that. It's often rolled into their other services, and I had to put my foot down and say I absolutely didn't want any reviews, fake or otherwise. Because they would be fake, despite their protests to the contrary.</p><p>It doesn't matter what sort of numbers they show. 100,000 followers? You still are unlikely to see any sales. The whole scene is incestuous and scammy. Even if you successfully navigate that minefield, you are still at best pitching your work to people in India, and other indie authors. Unless you are an Indian author, I suppose, it's a dead end, and your money, however cheap some of them are, is better spent elsewhere.</p><p>You might gain some followers and likes, but even those are hollow. Avoid this area altogether, and put your resources toward what will work.</p><p>Cost: About $150 across several promotions.</p><p>The next week, I placed my book on a few low-to-mid profile book sites. More budget stuff, but at least they are targeting the right people. This generally involves a page on their site, frontpage status for some period of time, and likely some Twitter or Facebook posts.</p><p>Again, I can't say this resulted in immediate sales. But it did increase my overall visibility, Ideally, you would do this on every site possible, over time. But I can't imagine how much that would end up costing, and doesn't have a great, direct Return On Investment.</p><p>What I did get, however, via only five or six sites, was a more solidified Google ranking. Radar Love, sadly, competes for eyes with another book by the same name. And, of course, with the band Golden Earring themselves.</p><p>At least now, if you Google "Radar Love Book", you will have no trouble finding me. Not that anyone is going to be randomly doing that, and if they did, they would be even less likely to acquire my book based on that. Every little bit of exposure helps, though. The Goodreads page does show up halfway down the listing for a basic "Radar Love" search, and that's something. More links back to the book from more sites would in theory move this up in page rankings. Too little reward for too much work and investment.</p><p>It's also difficult to gauge if you're getting any sales from these sort of pages, unless it happens on the day it rolls out. A sale this week could be from a promotion last week. In a very real sense, you'll never know for sure. But you have to keep moving forward.</p><p>Cost: About $200 across about six pages/mailing lists.</p><p>My next area of focus was Bookbub ads. Not the giant and expensive campaigns, yet, as I'm saving them for the audiobook rollout. But small, inline ads. Erm, smaller than this blown-up view.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoTEZIhs7hNWiVP-eff3QheBxkUGmsTDtB65gFc1aW5RlmNWbJ1NkTEezAB5ZaQC24b3Fsl7JNxBahk-c3y59Vm10otjCsqmGWgDDzXEbsDB_fZ14bL4U123EmDhf4cm3LU9Hj-lt-W4-E/s312/BubAd.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="260" data-original-width="312" height="533" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoTEZIhs7hNWiVP-eff3QheBxkUGmsTDtB65gFc1aW5RlmNWbJ1NkTEezAB5ZaQC24b3Fsl7JNxBahk-c3y59Vm10otjCsqmGWgDDzXEbsDB_fZ14bL4U123EmDhf4cm3LU9Hj-lt-W4-E/w640-h533/BubAd.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div>A good cover, I think, and decent ad copy. I'm too close to the problem to know for sure. And do Bookbub people know that the 'Anything' is a button? I'll assume so. We all know what clicking on an ad does. at this stage. But I wonder if it would be better changed. This is why you run tests with ads.<br /><p>In a sort of A/B test, I ran two. Both had the same look, but different approaches to funding. No-nonsense stat reporting is one huge advantage this site has. You can really get a feel for what is working and cost-effective.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3zHtPzjfNa1OyletmOeYJZ7x1_tt7vNu6vKSB9qIZnHB9jcGNkEvrfwNZGwqCAKNtaUfnltj3LG76CH71YmnIS5hQ5yX8ci9KBsoDKC1jYW06MFMiwb9U1KGWKLOzzahiypqARSlqcpR4/s1301/BubAggregate.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="257" data-original-width="1301" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3zHtPzjfNa1OyletmOeYJZ7x1_tt7vNu6vKSB9qIZnHB9jcGNkEvrfwNZGwqCAKNtaUfnltj3LG76CH71YmnIS5hQ5yX8ci9KBsoDKC1jYW06MFMiwb9U1KGWKLOzzahiypqARSlqcpR4/w640-h126/BubAggregate.PNG" width="640" /></a><span style="text-align: left;">This is a combined stat, after one day of running two campaigns.</span></div><p>For one, I put in a bid for pay-per-click. The max is an insane $15.00, I believe. That's a click. Not a sale. But since I was trying to develop a strategy and needed results for narrowing my focus, I put in that amount. What happens is that you will actually win bids at a lesser amount. On a $15 ($20?) daily budget, the funds were exhausted with three clicks.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdc4yrxDBfrDCYDnKHpgi4TZNozhnTQxNB6uuZ-Hb-yQYl94B6brPhqulDYdU2t7Lr_mYzMlLrMOO1qtdoweVajY-pYP_g3yuSIoRc2VPfqDMHZU7SwgA_0tWIDcOCKLsuo-_znLwXgCT5/s1123/CPCBub.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="243" data-original-width="1123" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdc4yrxDBfrDCYDnKHpgi4TZNozhnTQxNB6uuZ-Hb-yQYl94B6brPhqulDYdU2t7Lr_mYzMlLrMOO1qtdoweVajY-pYP_g3yuSIoRc2VPfqDMHZU7SwgA_0tWIDcOCKLsuo-_znLwXgCT5/w640-h138/CPCBub.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><p>So, even if all three clicks resulted in sales, which they did not, it is a losing proposition. I did get two sales today, and it is possible that they were the result of this test. Unless all traffic and sales goes through your own website, at some point it becomes impossible to tell. </p><p>That's not to say it is a total loss, in the scheme of things. That's some sixteen-hundred more serious book buyers who have heard of the title than before. And it also indicates that the ad could be improved, in my mind, and perhaps more tightly targeted toward the proper audience. I have no idea how to change it in that direction, however.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxn5SNEO6zFHjr3GFzv75HRTPL1h4JvWM1JBWRyLcf0DXdCfZAsboNie5vRT4M0_pheg-gvrfMRf0EJV_rzaG2lUkfSezNmu32o-ua0FVA6AKW-34epjZZ5Nw6DLQOSIk2zp7T8D58L0W/s1129/CPMBub.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="447" data-original-width="1129" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyxn5SNEO6zFHjr3GFzv75HRTPL1h4JvWM1JBWRyLcf0DXdCfZAsboNie5vRT4M0_pheg-gvrfMRf0EJV_rzaG2lUkfSezNmu32o-ua0FVA6AKW-34epjZZ5Nw6DLQOSIk2zp7T8D58L0W/w640-h254/CPMBub.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div>The other campaign using the same ad is one whereby you pay per 10,000 impressions. I don't know for sure how they are going to achieve that, but that is a lot of eyeballs. Likely a decent investment. It's an ongoing thing until the goal is achieved, so this one can just ride. My targeted 'similar authors' was limited to Jackie Collins and Quentin Tarantino, so that could probably use some refining as well.<div><br /></div><div>I also unpaused the pay-per-click campaign to see what happens tomorrow.</div><div><br /></div><div>So, mixed, ongoing, and inconclusive results. But this is the most sensible and effective campaign overall, even though it is not generating immediate sales.</div><div><br /></div><div>Cost: About $140 all told. Possible two sales. Definite three clicks. A terrible ratio, but valuable info, and some decent exposure from the investment. </div><div><br /></div><div>I say that it is a decent investment, because in traditional marketing, we used to say that an ad has to be viewed about seven times before it takes hold on an individual. Things have changed dramatically now that things are digital, but it's still a part of human nature, to a degree. Reinforcement leads to eventual interest. Plus you need as many eyes as possible to find your audience in the first place. People that don't care for the ad as presented might not care for the book anyway. It's all about sales to the right set of readers.</div><div><br /></div><div>I'll run all this past an outside source for an opinion before I embark on more, here. But for now, it's a work in progress.</div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5rVezxH7ihbc6aTl3Hs5mlQ8u6GE8Y0LtQ647LzBPrXk8_hef1jb8OblNgRlgeqlc-6qcfbQf_tYHnJmyiEtl-4jk6OSdInE1gUoMRFkkILjoyYJMLhLyR5H3Oc4KXvilfF8HipEn37SZ/s738/AmazonAd.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="237" data-original-width="738" height="206" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5rVezxH7ihbc6aTl3Hs5mlQ8u6GE8Y0LtQ647LzBPrXk8_hef1jb8OblNgRlgeqlc-6qcfbQf_tYHnJmyiEtl-4jk6OSdInE1gUoMRFkkILjoyYJMLhLyR5H3Oc4KXvilfF8HipEn37SZ/w640-h206/AmazonAd.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">My Amazon advertisement. Yes, the cover text is too small. We've been over this in previous columns, thanks.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Related to what I was saying about reinforcement and many eyes, I am running an Amazon ad campaign based on cost per click. It's a bit of a sneaky, in that you are getting your stuff out there in front of many people but only paying for click-throughs.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHqGOEhVjNeu2WetKY-I56N_Pl6YwrKQq2gtN2P82lGBnsXOPuS_oMcGNN8psZpNJbg03Dh8k6mDqZW3ASxwRBFyk3Sj2hQVn9tdlKkkEU9OqVmMj6RGo2FnalUtLxBpItMbDfhgfQF75/s1526/Amazon+CPM.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="371" data-original-width="1526" height="156" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHqGOEhVjNeu2WetKY-I56N_Pl6YwrKQq2gtN2P82lGBnsXOPuS_oMcGNN8psZpNJbg03Dh8k6mDqZW3ASxwRBFyk3Sj2hQVn9tdlKkkEU9OqVmMj6RGo2FnalUtLxBpItMbDfhgfQF75/w640-h156/Amazon+CPM.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div>In other words, I have gotten more impressions for free via Amazon, thus far. Again, zero clicks. Zero sales. But excellent statistical tracking, and more valuable marketing info. How do readers feel about sponsored listings such as this one? I know I tend to tune them out, if not scorn the people who place them.</div><div><br /></div><div>At the high end of bidding, a sale could cost me a dollar... Or a click could cost me three...</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpWPAOeGKxInafBZvYTZSum1pHdrN-uJJc27KiWZ5fykTc_RGsEeiCmAeZkRh9HT8K1AZeAogUUa6AQGODkkAvNUrHmtS2ZAL0jb7qojitooag4_YF8zlfCtkvmo-hox1QkZEvsN4elqge/s1455/AmazonCPC.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="796" data-original-width="1455" height="350" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpWPAOeGKxInafBZvYTZSum1pHdrN-uJJc27KiWZ5fykTc_RGsEeiCmAeZkRh9HT8K1AZeAogUUa6AQGODkkAvNUrHmtS2ZAL0jb7qojitooag4_YF8zlfCtkvmo-hox1QkZEvsN4elqge/w640-h350/AmazonCPC.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div>Cost: Zero dollars so far. Balanced with zero dollars in sales, but I'm coming out ahead in terms of increased visibility. I think.</div><div><br /></div><div>Finally, I put my money behind a few Fiverr book promotion accounts. This is the weedy end of things, sharing a huge overlap with Indian Bookstagram, except if you're looking for a book trailer or perhaps a nice logo designed for you. I did manage to find four promoters I felt pretty good about. After adding on a few options and making one a rush, 24-hour delivery job for this article, I ended up with much the same sort of deal small book sites give you: a listing, a feature, a sidebar ad, some tweets or Facebook posts.</div><div><br /></div><div>Cost: $150 or so. </div><div><br /></div><div>It remains to be seen if this is anymore helpful than the rest of my efforts, they mostly just went into effect today. Some of them are better targeted (erotic fiction), and space out their promos over a week's time. All of it together might not help, but at least it doesn't hurt.</div><div><br /></div><div>Or does it?</div><div><br /></div><div>With $600, I probably could have squeezed out a very basic Boobbub promotion of the sort that tends to pay for itself in a day or so. My early analysis indicates that it's the better option. All other things being equal, do both if you can. </div><div><br /></div><div>Some of this depends on where you are in the publishing process. If it's your first book, you definitely want readers and reviewers, but at the same time, every free book is one you're not going to sell. Free promos are much more synergistic when you have a catalog that can benefit from indirect marketing.</div><div><br /></div><div>With careful planning, you can schedule a free book weekend, and line up many promo slots for free on the major eBook promo sites at little or not cost to you. This will assuredly make your book a major mover on the free charts. </div><div><br /></div><div>Another viable route for reviews, however, is to sign up for something like Reedsy Discovery. (Something else I signed up for at $50, and although it's only been a week, I haven't seen any reviews. It's a weird process, because it's set up for unreleased books. In my case, it's already out, so I had to put some projected future release date on it, and I'm not sure if that's helpful in any way. Most likely a detriment.) </div><div><br /></div><div>Avoiding the free-on-Amazon promotion route will let you put your first book up on Apple Books and Barnes & Noble, etc. at the same time you list it on Amazon. I'm honestly not sure how it works right now, but you used to have to be exclusive to Amazon to reap the benefits of free book promotions, and that probably hasn't changed.</div><div><br /></div><div>Reddit has a number of groups which are okay with you promoting free, Kindle Unlimited, or even normally-priced books. It's where a large part of my free download traffic came from, the second biggest source probably being Instagram.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinDdBmHOnYPIyPobMao8PLOvWgEseaEFJv7c7iIhQXWAPANre2wpPggSBJBaHPn-kllS_bQmfXfC2EmEmQAvN9yzEQekitqIQmvC9TcNua8ct4NR2SrvUq1UVnL3xD07fqmr4FK5yEY_Lf/s653/reddit.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="653" data-original-width="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinDdBmHOnYPIyPobMao8PLOvWgEseaEFJv7c7iIhQXWAPANre2wpPggSBJBaHPn-kllS_bQmfXfC2EmEmQAvN9yzEQekitqIQmvC9TcNua8ct4NR2SrvUq1UVnL3xD07fqmr4FK5yEY_Lf/s16000/reddit.PNG" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Reddit is *really* funny about self-promotion. Other than those groups, it's terrible for that. Conversely, it's a great place to find writing communities. Even then, you're usually expected to only speak in the abstract about your work, and generally never mention it by name. A trade-off. One of the best writing groups is actually Writing Circlejerk, a parody of the writing group. Spend enough time in the two, and you start to realize that the best writing advice is in the parody group, and that the 'serious' group is sort of a parody of itself.</div><div><br /></div><div>I have had decent results with finding select readers in "Recommend Me A Book" on Reddit, and DMing them a free review copy when one of mine fits the bill. Most of the responses I get are overwhelmingly positive and grateful.</div><div><br /></div><div>Instagram is a good place for the middle ground. There are a literal ton of authors on there, and book people, "Bookstagrammers". But let's be realistic, here. It's 90% women, in both cases. Now, that's perfect for me. And I have met some very cool male authors on there, as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>Don't approach Instagram as a mere marketing tool, or you will likely fall flat. Engage with readers, engage with authors. Post interesting content. This holds true across the entire social media universe.</div><div><br /></div><div>I do monitor traffic from my 'Linktree' (Instagram is terrible about links, in most cases. You can't even DM them...) so I can see that I'm getting blog traffic from IG. which also means I'm getting Amazon traffic, and therefore must be doing something right. It's more of a giant community than the impersonal Reddit, and great friendships and alliances can be forged there. It definitely needs to be an arrow in your online quiver.</div><div><br /></div><div>As far as Facebook and Twitter go, you're on your own, there for now. I am either banned or just pissy and wary of them, currently. Maybe I'll be back someday. Maybe. Obviously, you can benefit greatly from a presence there, and a good deal of my early book sales were via Facebook. Twitter is also super for engaging with authors you admire, promotions aside. I had a delightful talk with Clive Cussler not too long before he died, actually. That's worth so much more than book sales, to me.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>So there you have it. I threw $600 down the drain so you don't have to. My next foray will almost definitely be a full-blown Bookbub promotion campaign for the Radar Love audiobook, and I'll report back then with more findings.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you're, like, rilly rich and stuff, you could do worse than throw $.99 down the drain on my new self-publishing eBook, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Be-Idiot-Like-Self-Publishing-ebook/dp/B09BYYDKN7">Don't Be An Idiot (Like Me)</a>. We'll both pretend that most of the content isn't from this blog. </div>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-38100930770131594252021-08-07T19:42:00.017-05:002021-08-15T16:31:37.228-05:00A Round-Up of Amazon Plug-Ins for Authors<p>Whilst digging around on the Author Central pages on Amazon (I think), I stumbled onto a page of Chrome (and sometimes Firefox) plug-ins that, in some cases, are beneficial to authors. Here's what I've found. </p><p>Obsessing over stats is a terrible distraction from writing, of course, but it does help to pay a wee bit of attention to things when you're running a promo. I guess it's also useful if you actually sell books, but I don't know what that's like.</p><div><br /><a href="https://www.kdpchamp.com/referral/gAAAAABhGYeIHKNqn9OUd9aHfuu7ASwMYF6dhTCG-zTx7TdBxNPjKHmxPmZ55UghF_vcfsjaR0pD7YhQoomET7-52bu_wXIhEA==">KDP Champ</a> - This looks valuable and interesting. An app/web page and plug-in combo, KDP Champ will notify you of any changes in sales, reviews, rankings and more, at the frequency you desire. Get a daily report, and never have to worry again. It's kind of nice having all your stats in a separate phone app, if nothing else, and it's quite rich in features.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgltYTwsNYyQwh21kPMNurXLhurgaJ-s7rkgE9nQsalbgV2BgLM1nxEHM4dX14_vHBFJIZpt-gI1UKxbseNGGFakt5jakh0z4eAbAZzPLwfHwJ9pyxh5pF6VJanoFX8NV7RYg6OXmpTijgI/s640/Champunnamed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgltYTwsNYyQwh21kPMNurXLhurgaJ-s7rkgE9nQsalbgV2BgLM1nxEHM4dX14_vHBFJIZpt-gI1UKxbseNGGFakt5jakh0z4eAbAZzPLwfHwJ9pyxh5pF6VJanoFX8NV7RYg6OXmpTijgI/w640-h400/Champunnamed.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p><br /></p><div>It takes a bit more in terms of set-up, because it uses your cookies, not your log-in. But that's nice from a security standpoint. Plus it walks you through the process, which is easy and doesn't take long to do.</div><div><br /></div><div>After some syncing, you're set. One really nice feature here is that it will break down what countries are downloading your free books. I have to say, it's extremely convenient having all these stats available on a phone app. It's a pity that the historical data doesn't seem to be accurate, but that's somewhat understandable. Mine goes back to November 2011. I wish this was working, regardless.</div><div><br /></div><div>I daresay if you only use one tool, this will be the one. Especially because it also seems to make a cash register sound. It's feature complete.</div><div><br /></div><div>Score: A+.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>UPDATE: The extremely agile and nimble developer has already contacted me about a fix to the historical issue. Amazon apparently changed the format many years ago, leading to this problem. It will be resolved soon. Impressive work, and more evidence that this is a must-have tool for Amazon authors.<br /><br /></b></div><p><a href="https://datasprout.co/">Datasprout</a> - This scrapes sales data and gives you a single page dashboard for sales. It's pretty good at it. Nothing that isn't available on your Reports pages, but it tightens the delivery and gives you everything at a glance. An admirable endeavor. It's actually a bit better than the Reports Beta Amazon is rolling out. One caveat, Garbage In, Garbage out. Since it does use Amazon data, it makes the same mistake Reports Beta does. Namely, it doesn't quite know how to handle returned books. Reports Beta is treating them as sales, and so does Datasprout.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoD6pM_lOF512AariNzo0KxCmEui3iGmObnJ_KIWA97TH2Tb_oK-RHAF-2yIXX3xsXl3zg4gQyZ429n7bImve5ZpITP4ya7QCzkIXp0WZoVcXu6w5uOfx6FqPGeIovCXhMiNIQn4nXiogS/s1446/DSCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="872" data-original-width="1446" height="386" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoD6pM_lOF512AariNzo0KxCmEui3iGmObnJ_KIWA97TH2Tb_oK-RHAF-2yIXX3xsXl3zg4gQyZ429n7bImve5ZpITP4ya7QCzkIXp0WZoVcXu6w5uOfx6FqPGeIovCXhMiNIQn4nXiogS/w640-h386/DSCapture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUIUOlbFoxj0pmUQXLmMH_o-LkbiBGmVfSeyIFnSlANMY5bkGK39YLMmJNfbT0v3wq7sizDQJt7IcXMThqpbllpuE4pwfWVESB4FQvpmUEsAX8Eb_jLSq_-CUe4XQgMSB-hFY9jn6jWy-8/s1457/DS2Capture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="862" data-original-width="1457" height="378" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUIUOlbFoxj0pmUQXLmMH_o-LkbiBGmVfSeyIFnSlANMY5bkGK39YLMmJNfbT0v3wq7sizDQJt7IcXMThqpbllpuE4pwfWVESB4FQvpmUEsAX8Eb_jLSq_-CUe4XQgMSB-hFY9jn6jWy-8/w640-h378/DS2Capture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>It generates a chart showing a comparison against the previous month, and generates a table with all book sales in all formats. Other than the silly, fixable return problem, this is a good one. Maybe I should send them an email to try and get that fixed. It also places itself as a link on your Reports page, which is nice.</p><p>Rating: B+.</p><p><br /></p><p><a href="https://app.getbookreport.com/">BookReport</a> - Another dashboard. You can launch the plug-in, or bookmark the webpage. It's not as compact as Datasprout, and I have to ding it for that. There are a lot of customization options in the display table, though, and that might appeal to you. Plus it makes a 'ching!' sound when you have sales. So it's got that going for it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw6af1q5HN9st2NOqR1-gammpMcYmvZuti1oGimCRkEKbIrasvb2I5NyruiZetPxuFjyQXYY_Vd-MkikWQJB2ddH1NcgUxGifv6iFjTzJ5lwRmq5jngqI7QqUyub-s3rEQbE6dNEAO2ShN/s945/Capture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="712" data-original-width="945" height="482" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiw6af1q5HN9st2NOqR1-gammpMcYmvZuti1oGimCRkEKbIrasvb2I5NyruiZetPxuFjyQXYY_Vd-MkikWQJB2ddH1NcgUxGifv6iFjTzJ5lwRmq5jngqI7QqUyub-s3rEQbE6dNEAO2ShN/w640-h482/Capture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLtWS1D-k_w-l3ND5hpcSVaVIuHEYDFnxLJCSvkrOqVzdfG84Wse1tTb9KPVDy6bT_Cagte7bbiJ7ZuWE2YrMaTX-wXjvDCb3ghHSG5NMV4G5MAtYxZCwtk0uPUfUZZzL46VTnCxGmYXk/s983/BRCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="855" data-original-width="983" height="556" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLtWS1D-k_w-l3ND5hpcSVaVIuHEYDFnxLJCSvkrOqVzdfG84Wse1tTb9KPVDy6bT_Cagte7bbiJ7ZuWE2YrMaTX-wXjvDCb3ghHSG5NMV4G5MAtYxZCwtk0uPUfUZZzL46VTnCxGmYXk/w640-h556/BRCapture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>It does handle returns correctly on the chart, so that's something. It's something that hurts, but it helps. (I just had what I think are my first returns, hence my continual freaking out over it. It was probably my mom.)</p><p>While I prefer Datasprout, the fact that it is charting the returns correctly (even though the totals are wrong), it evens out. </p><p>Rating: B+</p><p><br /><a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/bookching/oinkglklklhaloidmggmafgbibhnlidg?hl=en">Bookching</a> - Okay, I can't really use this. Your mileage may vary. It's largely a bulk-uploader for Amazon paperbacks? I can't imagine what sort of publishing mill you're running if you need this, but I don't like the implications. It also seems to be subscription based, but it installed for free and does a tiny bit anyway. I'm not going to look into this further.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraKlNZ1r81yXyOOGqvrSwckI7FD2dbbS-1XDU87QiYUFTpOUZjhR2VvGqQC4ui_bTBGQ-oU0JyruIkUfJDQxIAelxNQ224Xyf65x3SyzzovhF8UEFUyPaZEnnCsdu5TGoy_ugM_NCIR0E/s1897/BookchingCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="775" data-original-width="1897" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjraKlNZ1r81yXyOOGqvrSwckI7FD2dbbS-1XDU87QiYUFTpOUZjhR2VvGqQC4ui_bTBGQ-oU0JyruIkUfJDQxIAelxNQ224Xyf65x3SyzzovhF8UEFUyPaZEnnCsdu5TGoy_ugM_NCIR0E/w640-h262/BookchingCapture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p>One interesting aspect is that it will let you play with publishing options as far as the printing cost of your book, which is vaguely useful if you're into that sort of stuff. To let you maximize profits, as it were. Ick.</p><p>The sales goals are interesting, akin to what Google Analytics does for webpage impressions. Also, it did show me that I've published under three different names, like an idiot. Thank you, Bookching. For that, I won't give you a C+. Worth investigating if it fits your specific situation. </p><p>Rating: B.</p><p><br /><a href="https://selfpublishingtitans.com/">KDP/Amazon BSR Data</a> - I don't even know what exactly to call this, but that's close enough. Moderately useful, it collects some of the book data from your book page, and inserts it near the top of the page. That's how I use it, anyway. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6QXDzioC7ckFTdvZjhtIyqHml2uafsR3rY3CCOJwzH1R1bIQy7qsdldCw0N1SnZWfO2ff9D20WIep3EOyAjYYsLNTdiCqq-cztI5rcs5PDsoDnhfgCwX8ySsz05dKPFF_01vmL_bt5-A/s924/BSRCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="924" data-original-width="757" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn6QXDzioC7ckFTdvZjhtIyqHml2uafsR3rY3CCOJwzH1R1bIQy7qsdldCw0N1SnZWfO2ff9D20WIep3EOyAjYYsLNTdiCqq-cztI5rcs5PDsoDnhfgCwX8ySsz05dKPFF_01vmL_bt5-A/w524-h640/BSRCapture.PNG" width="524" /></a></div><div><br /></div>It saves me a bit of scrolling, so that's nice. Be warned, it can ugly up a page quick if you're looking at your entire list of published titles. There seems to be a wealth of Search Engine Optimization tools relating to keywords that I have yet to explore. There's a lot going on under the surface here, and I will probably look into it further.<div><br /></div><div>In the meantime, visit their page, as there are a ton of links in many categories that can't help but to have some value in there somewhere.</div><div><br /></div><div>Rank: B.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://merch.amazon.com/landing">Merch by Amazon</a> - Okay, while this isn't directly author related, it is interesting and possibly worthwhile. Amazon is going head-to-head with Spreadsheet, Cafe Press, and the like, offering to print your designs on shirts and things, and sell them for you. It could be very lucrative for authors with a big following, or great cover designs. Plus each shirt becomes a walking billboard. John Carmack, creator of the video game Doom used to wear a Doom shirt to conventions that said "Wrote it" on the back. I like that. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBVpxGAGbhts0JpyuEkJ0zYcUiafomjZTPXfO6Lylu5IQuphO0sv6SMUzWnuAjzTs2JfYlDQOOO8BPae6zWh_nPGEz5HPS-lJXG4W_o2R9_XMIjNNLmEJ87hibJNmAvCrHPNE9ynqIDGR/s933/MerchCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="630" data-original-width="933" height="432" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCBVpxGAGbhts0JpyuEkJ0zYcUiafomjZTPXfO6Lylu5IQuphO0sv6SMUzWnuAjzTs2JfYlDQOOO8BPae6zWh_nPGEz5HPS-lJXG4W_o2R9_XMIjNNLmEJ87hibJNmAvCrHPNE9ynqIDGR/w640-h432/MerchCapture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div>Rank: A, without even checking into it further.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="https://bookbeam.io/">BookBeam</a> - While this looks quite useful, I am not convinced of the $12 a month subscription price. Category finder, keyword generator, niche finder, spy on your competition. This is worth looking into if your sales aren't less than the monthly subscription rate. Or even if they are. A wealth of tools at your fingertips, if you're serious. Apparently I am not. I'm tempted to give it a month's test run anyway. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO3eiFs0sV-PGu8qE8KSVYEAW3942yqo79kOjqCOyjxdVFNWw4pKSmvf1CMbA6UjNLkSLpVpjdTgLbY-lLDSwoDa8TXtVLOI6f4gF6ijrzspAOy6OtEl2AWJDnI3CBwWVVbytufK_Pa48u/s1024/bb-2_Niche-Finder-1024x809.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="809" data-original-width="1024" height="506" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiO3eiFs0sV-PGu8qE8KSVYEAW3942yqo79kOjqCOyjxdVFNWw4pKSmvf1CMbA6UjNLkSLpVpjdTgLbY-lLDSwoDa8TXtVLOI6f4gF6ijrzspAOy6OtEl2AWJDnI3CBwWVVbytufK_Pa48u/w640-h506/bb-2_Niche-Finder-1024x809.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQq4dZ4GvBlx4Oi7hm10kSxMvWdfFWBdFlmk9eUAU_Ll5SaHwBJ9DD4Shz_RujaUbrpSIUdPDgK26Li4bg6Lg1cXi3sZfIJB-Hk01NqTgXu_xODOFzoQszuyOkeculjRZ0nEd0DMvtOhP2/s1024/bb-rev-1_keywird-research-1024x605.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="605" data-original-width="1024" height="378" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQq4dZ4GvBlx4Oi7hm10kSxMvWdfFWBdFlmk9eUAU_Ll5SaHwBJ9DD4Shz_RujaUbrpSIUdPDgK26Li4bg6Lg1cXi3sZfIJB-Hk01NqTgXu_xODOFzoQszuyOkeculjRZ0nEd0DMvtOhP2/w640-h378/bb-rev-1_keywird-research-1024x605.png" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div>Tempting. If I give it a test drive, it will probably deserve its own in-depth write up. The $12 price is for a yearly subscription, and I definitely don't need that. A month is $17.<br /><div><br /></div><div>Rank: A+. It looks that useful.<br /><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><a href="chrome-extension://lebpbmopodkmcadehlkmghfcfmgnacdm/app.html">Seller App</a> - A quick and dirty keyword ranking tool. Free, no login. Useful. It generates lists of the top-ranked keywords based on your input. This is super for improving your visibility. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQM8ZUOiqA5EfVqc8Z0ZhQOLA3bBBTaiLB9ScOggkqbUfgNcXtQ2V4vIcNGctYPcjne71VeHurEPl8bmyCcVtbGbnG1O6ScLAS38Tr8hxGdcyEw_wqunHTWdeCVwNNatKw1anlQSZWj7hY/s1907/KeywordCapture.PNG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="596" data-original-width="1907" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQM8ZUOiqA5EfVqc8Z0ZhQOLA3bBBTaiLB9ScOggkqbUfgNcXtQ2V4vIcNGctYPcjne71VeHurEPl8bmyCcVtbGbnG1O6ScLAS38Tr8hxGdcyEw_wqunHTWdeCVwNNatKw1anlQSZWj7hY/w640-h200/KeywordCapture.PNG" width="640" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div>Rank: A+.</div><div></div><br /><div><br /><a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/kdp-miner/pdlnaniemlhepmcaijljdcbgbeklagjm?hl=en">KDP Miner</a> - This is another tool to search for useful keywords to apply to your titles by providing the most profitable and popular ones. Unfortunately, it says Time Travel is not profitable. Sorry. Could use some improvement. </div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaYX85Rks9lcRCvC2XtJfSyRYzrVLhyphenhyphenQzi30A5fNtsnCCJqCSkUqL8OPa68u_ydtLj1WtemZL5H2XhcwZC9GrAduJtMQ_qLrHqIsuE9stOLkvgw_CqvJVIqSiWLWDEhCeo3umaeZWgmh1I/s640/Minerunnamed.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="640" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaYX85Rks9lcRCvC2XtJfSyRYzrVLhyphenhyphenQzi30A5fNtsnCCJqCSkUqL8OPa68u_ydtLj1WtemZL5H2XhcwZC9GrAduJtMQ_qLrHqIsuE9stOLkvgw_CqvJVIqSiWLWDEhCeo3umaeZWgmh1I/w640-h400/Minerunnamed.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div>It did pull up the top sixteen time travel related keywords, and it also works with Audible. You might find some value here. It's mostly to spy on successful titles, including letting you check out the most popular covers on Amazon. Honestly, I didn't spend a lot of time with this one, because it doesn't interest me all that much. I'll probably check it out in depth later. I'm getting sick of looking at plugins. </div><div><br /></div><div>Rating: B.</div><div><br /><br />BSR Master - This is another best seller ranking app. I think. I can't remember what BSR means anymore. I'm pretty sure that's it. Unfortunately, it's very spartan, has no real documentation, and doesn't seem to do anything. It probably stole my bank account information or something.</div><div><br /></div><div>It just says 'loading data' (what data?), and never seems to do anything. This will get uninstalled first. Sorry, Andrea Biancolli. It's not even going to get a picture. I am that underwhelmed.</div><div><br /></div><div>Rating: F++.</div><div><br /></div><div>There you have it. You might get some use out of at least one of these. I've mostly settled on KDP Champ, myself, because of the app feature. If you're a really high-powered author, you might check into something like <a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/helium-10/njmehopjdpcckochcggncklnlmikcbnb?hl=en">Helium</a>, which probably does everything all of these tools do and a lot more. It also costs $39 a month to subscribe. For most of us, that's money better spent on promotions. Or pizza.</div><div><br /></div><div>I hope that helps.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /><a href="https://www.whitedovebooks.co.uk/book-bloggers-plugin/">Book Blogger Plug-In</a> - A late addition to the review, but a useful one. This isn't a browser plug-in, but one for your blog. Painlessly add a free Kindle eBook panel to your Wordpress or Blogspot author page. Great sticky content, and you're supporting other indie authors at the same time. Brilliant. It also allows you to insert your own Clickbank affiliate link, so it's a potential passive income source. I expect this would do rather well on a high-traffic blog in particular. </div><div><br /></div><div>Be warned, it's whacking big, so add it to the bottom of your sidebar, or it will dominate your page. Still, it's a nice feature to have, and you can even customize the feed to a particular genre. Installation was easy, and you can see it to the left of this column now. You can also submit your own free eBook for inclusion for an extra bit of synergy.</div><div><br /></div><div>Rating: A.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>If you're really into the free tools thing, here is an outstanding curated resource for finding more: <a href="https://medium.com/swlh/300-awesome-free-things-e07b3cd5fd5b">https://medium.com/swlh/300-awesome-free-things-e07b3cd5fd5b</a></div>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-82492517026642264272021-08-03T16:28:00.003-05:002021-08-03T16:35:09.139-05:00My Secret Weapon - Cover Artist Katherine Makoyana<p>I don't know how I do it. I keep finding these amazing artists to work with. Actually, I do know. I have almost unlimited time on my hands, and I'm fairly obsessive. Protip.</p><p>Katherine is Russian, and an insane talent. She is not only an accomplished artist, but an author as well, although her books are currently available only in Cyrillic. To my dismay and disappointment.</p><p>On the other hand, she has given my very unpopular funny sci-fi series a serious facelift. Behold, the unified look, the tasteful typography, the highly appropriate images:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8eI8Y8U2_BiPXCYgLe7_MzLmgOgkD6RwsfwB9tCYB8AJeX6Jgr9vUSTcK-FLxAetMrKtt3YFfYpiOEWdqV4fUyfqS7JczUoxytEV1F8luZ640KoiUNPUO1h0h8Qc7wzhxJMEbEI-UetV/s2048/I+FULL_eBook.tif" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1366" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu8eI8Y8U2_BiPXCYgLe7_MzLmgOgkD6RwsfwB9tCYB8AJeX6Jgr9vUSTcK-FLxAetMrKtt3YFfYpiOEWdqV4fUyfqS7JczUoxytEV1F8luZ640KoiUNPUO1h0h8Qc7wzhxJMEbEI-UetV/w426-h640/I+FULL_eBook.tif" width="426" /></a><br />This very much exemplifies the differences between main character Prail and her alleged love interest President Gorlax. I mean it's a shame I can't get the paperback version to upload properly to Amazon, as I'm dying to see this one printed. Email to tech support sent...</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiodmHjSYPSBQgKCfYueEhpENyJFyw6AZfWObWAvzI5fYBqVSAkvKEa2FfIvU9ay64MBMoLn6zoZ7Kv83byfQuwAfNdALuV-05jfW3tvtKgy8-iwhBAaPUkqhYKbuwBNPiBLeVqevB7iFy/s2048/II+COVER.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1363" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgiodmHjSYPSBQgKCfYueEhpENyJFyw6AZfWObWAvzI5fYBqVSAkvKEa2FfIvU9ay64MBMoLn6zoZ7Kv83byfQuwAfNdALuV-05jfW3tvtKgy8-iwhBAaPUkqhYKbuwBNPiBLeVqevB7iFy/w426-h640/II+COVER.jpg" width="426" /></a><br />I'm very excited to see a new cover for Cure for Sanity. The old one was drawn by my daughter when she was nine, and it was great. In a sense. In another sense, it looked like it was drawn by a nine-year-old. Which it was. This novel actually has a time travel plot involving Yeshua Bin Joseph (Christ) and Mary of Magda, so it's wildly appropriate. Although the book itself might strike many as wildly inappropriate. Such is life. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Zc364PrwxD5K7IROgSovfLldtVjhpqph7cEL2wN9lI8tU1ZYwHJ3RH9_IEAkFgXoBf0EOjy8JxgWhd1BKFV5VSfgb-ag-_4eBKKHGySSp-fgHy5j2JVrq1SR1FI47389x9h6yzJ-9mQ6/s2048/III+COVER.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9Zc364PrwxD5K7IROgSovfLldtVjhpqph7cEL2wN9lI8tU1ZYwHJ3RH9_IEAkFgXoBf0EOjy8JxgWhd1BKFV5VSfgb-ag-_4eBKKHGySSp-fgHy5j2JVrq1SR1FI47389x9h6yzJ-9mQ6/w428-h640/III+COVER.jpg" width="428" /></a><br />Woah, given that this one isn't written yet, I'm going to have to try hard to do it justice. It in part revolves around the Space Olympics, and is expected to have more dark sub-plots. So, aces once again. Everything is coming up Milhouse. Aside, I guess, from what looks like a pending divorce for me, but that's neither here nor there, is it?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Katherine can be found on Artstation (<a href="https://www.artstation.com/makoyana">https://www.artstation.com/makoyana</a>), and apparently Twitter (<a href="https://twitter.com/MagnieMakoyana">https://twitter.com/MagnieMakoyana</a>) as well. She has a great portfolio in a range of styles, from quasi-abstract to romantic anime. Not only did she do the typography for these books, but produced beautiful back covers in the same style. I never thought my paperbacks would ever look this good. I am forever in her debt.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But wait, there's more! I am so pleased with her work, I have already made arrangements for two more covers. Here are previews of the cover art for Pageburner and Hurricane Regina!</div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphenRx_Q-8D8sZnbRq5s-dL0NAC8JdLyyf9y1sBj1QNoGo26Ji2C2HQz_HIa8SUZs7BjuQgZKNGoxatomFZN_bkofeN3uAxnQQthvriRlnGPHGWQqFgWunUZN27ffCyHvwPZ1BndCCZype9/s2048/katherine-makoyana-tiro1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1170" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihyphenhyphenRx_Q-8D8sZnbRq5s-dL0NAC8JdLyyf9y1sBj1QNoGo26Ji2C2HQz_HIa8SUZs7BjuQgZKNGoxatomFZN_bkofeN3uAxnQQthvriRlnGPHGWQqFgWunUZN27ffCyHvwPZ1BndCCZype9/w366-h640/katherine-makoyana-tiro1.jpg" width="366" /></a><br />Pageburner is a thriller about viruses, moral gray areas, and romance. So the only thing that will change will be the text, and the radiation symbol will become a biohazard one. Beautiful! </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6yomvzMuHDDbj5uUjAwiAHFsC-t_Aqs0pUb4DtwlT4JXYYQ1nt9mFiCZc3opH5gXKc_5WhayrwNpdKLXqnFAIuKo_oAJdyKAdZu8Wz3PDImbeynegHGqZbTiGq1BnTf3B9TRsEnqAp1JV/s2048/katherine-zvarri-3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1144" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6yomvzMuHDDbj5uUjAwiAHFsC-t_Aqs0pUb4DtwlT4JXYYQ1nt9mFiCZc3opH5gXKc_5WhayrwNpdKLXqnFAIuKo_oAJdyKAdZu8Wz3PDImbeynegHGqZbTiGq1BnTf3B9TRsEnqAp1JV/w358-h640/katherine-zvarri-3.jpg" width="358" /></a><br />Hurricane Regina involves a girl who receives some interesting, God-like powers via a dark arrangement. Although it was intended as a nautical sort of book, this captures the feel of the novel in far better fashion. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">An interesting note about Katherine: A lot of her personal projects revolve around doing artwork for every song on every <a href="https://www.muse.mu/">Muse</a> album. How cool is that? They should be paying her to run their art direction!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I absolutely cannot recommend her enough if you're in the market for an exciting book cover, or just love artwork in general. She's also a wonderful person, and fun to work with. What more can one ask for?</div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br />Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-32387429186937450172021-08-03T15:56:00.006-05:002021-08-03T18:19:39.801-05:00VioletEyes Book Covers!<p>These are all three still works in progress, but they're coming along nicely. I've contracted with two photographers for three different photos of my favorite fetish model VioletEyes. Is she a fetish model, or just a model I have a fetish for? At any rate, she is a great idealized SuperJanique for my Ultimate Hustle series, and is a wonderful person as well. I'm very grateful for her being somewhat okay with me using her likeness in this way!</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFMUE_1Gdvoo0__KxNSZkX7zquZLmy9K5fNgWmLowR-B1F-LzGv3WgUS-pCi7mrgqCCL_pvRJND-WuAqb_PterIiKWUupNgJpxwR3viCo7F0q0fY6fQERmAOk-Oo2OWroRCyyzp2aDa2Ct/s2048/PHJapan_Instagram.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1361" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFMUE_1Gdvoo0__KxNSZkX7zquZLmy9K5fNgWmLowR-B1F-LzGv3WgUS-pCi7mrgqCCL_pvRJND-WuAqb_PterIiKWUupNgJpxwR3viCo7F0q0fY6fQERmAOk-Oo2OWroRCyyzp2aDa2Ct/w426-h640/PHJapan_Instagram.jpg" width="426" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">VioletEyes - Photography by <a href="https://www.davidclicphotography.co.uk/">David Clic</a>. The author typeface will likely change, because my DJ thinks it's ass, apparently. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdKqv2c_6DmKsMHU39790tD9s6nIuZptGbx0Q0ybf8F-xiAWVjEHcGzRfV0CEKiY4qHRk_NxoCQbBPCdrludPmM6a_C1RbRRp6Hqm9IaLcKK8C7UkrWhKqWUpHMKsLb7wCO347wrysafd/s2048/PHJapan_Back_Instagram.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1359" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWdKqv2c_6DmKsMHU39790tD9s6nIuZptGbx0Q0ybf8F-xiAWVjEHcGzRfV0CEKiY4qHRk_NxoCQbBPCdrludPmM6a_C1RbRRp6Hqm9IaLcKK8C7UkrWhKqWUpHMKsLb7wCO347wrysafd/w424-h640/PHJapan_Back_Instagram.jpg" width="424" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I'm pretty happy with the back cover, too. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia5Q-w_5z5Pp5BCDgRUj75fbxrd_lgBlDFhuOOXs9ykscTbP6v53hfI0WAkGZVKsjmg9n8KTUFlDwNvTlhIaZTpmYIbQRF-dd63VlDO80wjaorm-fu9UMIwwRuj_TSL21Oy6z_bVWqHcIp/s2048/RadarLove3.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEia5Q-w_5z5Pp5BCDgRUj75fbxrd_lgBlDFhuOOXs9ykscTbP6v53hfI0WAkGZVKsjmg9n8KTUFlDwNvTlhIaZTpmYIbQRF-dd63VlDO80wjaorm-fu9UMIwwRuj_TSL21Oy6z_bVWqHcIp/w428-h640/RadarLove3.jpg" width="428" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">VioletEyes as photographed by <a href="https://www.jamiemahon.com/work">Jamie Mahon</a>. This cover is *almost* perfect. Still playing around with the title. I can't bring myself to step on the image in any way, even though tiny cover text is a terrible idea for ebook versions. I'm full of terrible ideas. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCor7biDlMfD1G7iGlMRUyElhecg_EGF4uHTFGy11JR032wFRAsPArwcOT5XhSk1dtTesapTwZD2em56RnWpOk1ejCFE-VdtRoDz40pd-1rRypjgAn_eilggkb1Er4lMtfREyGOK5-DSa/s2048/PHLA_COver_Full.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1403" data-original-width="2048" height="438" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjCor7biDlMfD1G7iGlMRUyElhecg_EGF4uHTFGy11JR032wFRAsPArwcOT5XhSk1dtTesapTwZD2em56RnWpOk1ejCFE-VdtRoDz40pd-1rRypjgAn_eilggkb1Er4lMtfREyGOK5-DSa/w640-h438/PHLA_COver_Full.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">One more VioletEyes photo by David Clic. Okay, the author name font is definitely overboard on this one, Roman, I admit. It's like accessories, before you go out, take one off. That's the rule, and it's a good one. But I'm otherwise also happy with it. It's approaching too busy, but isn't. Once the author text is fixed, I suppose. This book is almost fully complete. It's a total rewrite of one that was stolen in my luggage, appropriately enough, in L.A.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Both of these photographers have great portfolios if you write these sorts of books, and are also very accommodating, as well. I can't recommend them enough. As for VE, she is sadly retired from modeling, and I am sadder for it. A terrible loss to the world.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I am having great fun revamping my covers this month. Hopefully I can be back to actually just writing soon. This is all coming about because of my new narrator and the forthcoming audiobook version of Radar Love. Without her, I don't think I'd be doing anything with my back catalog, or writing new stuff...<br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><p><br /></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-82799634038317610252021-08-03T15:29:00.002-05:002021-08-03T15:29:42.828-05:00First Page of the Zombie Killa Comic Book!<p>So this artist, a young lady in Brazil, is so reclusive, she doesn't even have a portfolio page. Nevertheless, I found her, and she is going great guns on the Zombie Killa comic book. So here is the first finished page, and I couldn't be more excited! There's some great detail to be found if you look closely, namely the use of Brutal Truth posters and lyrics.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-tNFU7DA6lUWwZZgDj4_sQPZhsbmKlRI9CtWalpzHxPy_848uE07YR3Iwg-bTLJKN5xbww1lb3r7mphswPOZiVtou0F0N2MMY_KAjvRc7JakLem4hZUXV4uNz3v5tNDlIlWuhu3U0jRn/s1002/001+%25281%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1002" data-original-width="660" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN-tNFU7DA6lUWwZZgDj4_sQPZhsbmKlRI9CtWalpzHxPy_848uE07YR3Iwg-bTLJKN5xbww1lb3r7mphswPOZiVtou0F0N2MMY_KAjvRc7JakLem4hZUXV4uNz3v5tNDlIlWuhu3U0jRn/w422-h640/001+%25281%2529.png" width="422" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I'm going to have to restrain myself from publishing each page as it comes in. At any rate, I should have a finished comic in my hands in three months or so, by my estimate. It feels great seeing a project come together like this. </div><br /><p><br /></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-80372272820289755582021-07-20T22:07:00.006-05:002021-07-29T09:59:02.374-05:00The Process<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitl9RdsDf2C-q6Z-2-TCWnJNdwrIi-2rSxO5HEUe1ixOOpJ5JI1nRgYG7CW4J-zZ0KEt4iGkHPubyXma6GSEttNVqDaqISNZ4eVsDwCuYjp9scr7u1ifhsG_xuYELvNtbSibCbKN4V5aZZ/s1120/5e2af13c47a6a24a8f608ac5_what-is-business-process.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="542" data-original-width="1120" height="310" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitl9RdsDf2C-q6Z-2-TCWnJNdwrIi-2rSxO5HEUe1ixOOpJ5JI1nRgYG7CW4J-zZ0KEt4iGkHPubyXma6GSEttNVqDaqISNZ4eVsDwCuYjp9scr7u1ifhsG_xuYELvNtbSibCbKN4V5aZZ/w640-h310/5e2af13c47a6a24a8f608ac5_what-is-business-process.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>How do you write a novel? Wait, don't tell me. This is about how I do it. Your mileage will vary wildly.<br />
<br />
I'm a genre writer. That doesn't mean what you think it means, to me. I write books in all genres. So far, I have a thriller, a romance, sci-fi, adventure, fantasy, erotica, a mystery, and, well, other stuff. I'm starting to lose track.<br />
<br />
So the first thing I start with is what genre I'm going to approach. That, I find, makes the rest a lot easier. Having a defined genre actually gives you the freedom to mix and match. If your structure is that of a thriller, say, you can work in subplots and themes from other genres with the confidence that when you're done, it will be easy to categorize, but can actually satisfy readers of different tastes.<br />
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My biggest tip? If you don't have a romantic element in your books, try again. That doesn't apply to every book, of course, but it's sort of a rule-of-thumb of mine that has worked well for me so far.<br />
<br />
Here's the thing: I don't read romance books. From a clinical standpoint, I don't even like them. I would say I've never even read any. However, I have read a lot of Jackie Collins, Sidney Sheldon, and things like that. But there's a big difference between those sort of books and the romance mill novels that are consumed in bulk monthly by my Aunt Rochelle.<br />
<br />
Even writers like Robert Heinlein and Stephen King taught me a bit about romance, which is really just good character development. The real challenge, to me, is to write romantic subplots that will appeal to both men and women. I can't tell you how to do this. In some books, the sex is emphasized over the romantic aspect. That's sort of a cheat, I suppose.<br />
<br />
Men, almost instinctually, seem to want to be identified as heroes. But in these modern times, women don't necessarily want to be tagged as hapless victims, ragdolls, or plastic cut-outs of characters. Again, perhaps someone can explain how you actually achieve this, but I'm not sure I can, at least not in this essay. Maybe I can expand on this theme in a future column.<br />
<br />
Honestly, the best way to acquire this sort of skill is probably to study how others do it, and trial and error. I daresay you as a writer could probably benefit from reading my novels. And this is not a sales pitch. It's bragging. I'll email anyone any or all of my ebooks, at any time. All you have to do is ask.<br />
<br />
Anyway, genre, check. Sub-genres. check. Not that you necessarily need to rush in with a totally predefined list of things you want to hit on. That almost never works. I will admit that if one really plotted and planned an entire novel in advance in detail, and then stuck with it, you could probably write something really compelling. I just don't happen to work that way.<br /><br />
It's pretty hard to start writing a novel without at least one character. Then that character needs another character. But most of my books start off about a single person.<br />
<br />
If I don't have a compelling opening, I don't have a book. And I must say, my openings are probably the weak point in the entire text. That's just how I feel, true or not. But the funny thing is, I really like the way my books start, or I wouldn't have written them. I don't know. You'll never stop criticizing your writing. If you don't question your work, you're probably writing poorly and just don't know it.<br />
<br />
By the time I've written the first 2-4 pages, I usually have an idea of where the bigger story is headed, and who else will be involved. At that point, I start brainstorming a bit about what's to come. This usually leads to a character list. I like to name the major characters, develop them a little, and have them in reserve when it's time for their debut.<br />
<br />
Then I usually misplace the character list, and don't look at it again until the book's done. Which can lead to abandonment. My latest, Army of Me, has a few characters who appear in the first third or so, never to be heard from again. Of course, that book's not done yet, but it's something to be aware of. Not that every character has to hang in there until you write "The End".<br />
<br />
But one piece of advice I found myself following before I actually heard it was that you should reuse characters whenever possible. Don't invent a new person for a scene when someone you've already introduced and developed could easily substitute. I am no Thomas Pynchon. Too many characters spoil the plot, I feel. Unless you're writing the sequel to The Gulag Archipelago.<br />
<br />
Somewhere before I get to the halfway point of a novel, around there, I figure out how it's going to end. I don't write the ending, but I know what it will be, in most cases. And like the beginning of a story, the ending has to be great. Better than the beginning, I feel. Bad first impressions are one thing. Bad last impressions are forever.<br />
<br />
In between, try and write a great middle.<br />
<br />
Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-45525332304357299112021-07-15T18:02:00.014-05:002021-08-03T15:23:06.800-05:00Zombie Killa Comic Book Character Design<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVmuecDcSbwdak6ftUCayqQK-6_nmzqAYomk2L9I2MrpcAaCPPWz8uJSjRCHRNIsYqQ3OEwQNDeWkByIGwSzxzyj_9DXgO9D-bjq-3m1lR_6LZUH4H2cUCdihYHGY-_qz8T2tMlPxxd_U/s1920/logo+idea.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwVmuecDcSbwdak6ftUCayqQK-6_nmzqAYomk2L9I2MrpcAaCPPWz8uJSjRCHRNIsYqQ3OEwQNDeWkByIGwSzxzyj_9DXgO9D-bjq-3m1lR_6LZUH4H2cUCdihYHGY-_qz8T2tMlPxxd_U/w640-h360/logo+idea.png" width="640" /></a></div><p>I'm so psyched to finally have work started on the Zombie Killa comic book! I have a great artist, and they're very easy to work with. In fact, while I've tried to self-censor and tone it down, they've indicated they have no problem with some over-the-top elements.</p><p>They've agreed to do charictures while they're working on the comic, at a flat rate of $20 each. </p><p>Email me (<a href="mailto:collabs.and.covers@gmail.com">collabs.and.covers@gmail.com</a>) and I'll put you in touch with them. In the meantime, though, most of the main characters have been worked out, and I have storyboards waiting in the wings. The real challenge is losing so much dialogue in the conversion process.</p><p>Coming soon, I'll have a preview of the first page draft of the Hurricane Regina graphic novel...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaYmH1DvnBavU8CdVPN_c037wantBm2bU6cW3QjBYPc1EIZrXvohD-r-u9THehl4oqLtNML52GtTSGWI6w_MjMNGzX-ILIGeZStZtGF-r1Ot1j3a9kUWBqb2HuJUyiGbGL_knvFoK8NQgC/s2048/Benjamin+Bear.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaYmH1DvnBavU8CdVPN_c037wantBm2bU6cW3QjBYPc1EIZrXvohD-r-u9THehl4oqLtNML52GtTSGWI6w_MjMNGzX-ILIGeZStZtGF-r1Ot1j3a9kUWBqb2HuJUyiGbGL_knvFoK8NQgC/w480-h640/Benjamin+Bear.png" width="480" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: right;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-yauxwdqDFzKHWWap40a1LVMz5lqgeVK-TlQiu8YDrog1p_Q2wzKctlZn2HhdBMG67Vb551Fihr-WnXwEvi_Bda-XsJjGm5dGHZjLmD8Fkez3cqkcJDN1uOg4LgUTpSKfuzmaoLzvpOO/s2048/Doc+popular+%25281%2529.png" style="margin-left: 1em; 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margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-WXzR95_2j1JQl88z_VggiI13vI3fwYOVYDIPp1vdPB45P1P3ji5TqahQH2U8vMAigdrE9l2BhTPePSirXIgeRULFfUeLlyrH1O2En7C9tUi7O7LqDuyub7LTEG6Rc3cN7_ICrWj0nlgY/w480-h640/Zealous1+%25281%2529.png" width="480" /></a></div>Zealous1<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFSddt6lUEQJ1XH7p4gKVT62kD4AuugeckyYYujrRMaKXSfWAzkHdx-2eIAup8hSJvgwV_Y4LK4rzT9LeihVi6y1Y39OfT719YYXzfG-OwH5klrbowgZtXEhr6wyxhdigxzgS8bIjJlqWq/s2048/High-c.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFSddt6lUEQJ1XH7p4gKVT62kD4AuugeckyYYujrRMaKXSfWAzkHdx-2eIAup8hSJvgwV_Y4LK4rzT9LeihVi6y1Y39OfT719YYXzfG-OwH5klrbowgZtXEhr6wyxhdigxzgS8bIjJlqWq/w480-h640/High-c.png" width="480" /></a></div>Yours truly, looking considerably younger.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;"><br /></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">In the meantime, I've polished the text up a tiny bit. But where Zombie Killa really shines so far is the outstanding <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Zombie-Killa-ebook/dp/B006TF96SW">audiobook by Tom Rockwell</a>, complete with a theme song by Zealous1 and some fantastic sound effect work.</span></div>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-39358270019842558242021-07-15T09:15:00.007-05:002021-07-22T12:11:29.381-05:00Get Intimate with your Narrator<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnT_YZi5b9GQv9Cj8jzkYfLni86P7SZk1T9jwp9absshI4jvSNhCnv3z53j6RRh91qs-lePD-QVkydgptweHi2L7WPrb4vuT5XJRi-RgJtfeVkbX2guOIjUL-eUvTwk0LAw1BRZ2p1c6uH/s2048/RadarLove4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1367" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnT_YZi5b9GQv9Cj8jzkYfLni86P7SZk1T9jwp9absshI4jvSNhCnv3z53j6RRh91qs-lePD-QVkydgptweHi2L7WPrb4vuT5XJRi-RgJtfeVkbX2guOIjUL-eUvTwk0LAw1BRZ2p1c6uH/w428-h640/RadarLove4.jpg" width="428" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I’ve written about the process of making an audiobook before.
I even halfway knew what I was talking about. But I am in the process of
producing one for my most beloved novel, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Radar-Love-Ultimate-Hustle-Book-ebook/dp/B006LRKASI">Radar Love</a>, and the way it's being made has been
greatly refined on my end.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Choosing a narrator was no small feat, in this case. My
first impulse was to record this one on my own. I am of the opinion that no one
can read a book quite like the author. But character acting is something else
entirely. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The selection was a crucial decision on my part, as it’s
the first of a five-novel series, with the second already published, and the
third nearly written. And, as I said, it’s my most important book, for various
reasons. It’s my most popular, the one I feel most strongly about, and it has a
lot of special meaning to me.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I had about twenty narrators to choose from, and none of
them were quite right. Some, in fact, were terrible. Then I met <a href="https://www.acx.com/narrator?p=A3CHG9X4A4Q1HW">Renee</a>. I call
her Renee because I *think* that is her name. Or will be her pseudonym. Neither
of us are sure, at this point. I mean, sure she knows what her real name is. That’s
not the point.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Renee nailed the audition. Although this is her first
production, she is deadly serious about it. Not only that, but she is a huge
fan of the work in question. So much so that she has inspired me to take my
books seriously again. She wants to do the entire series, complete with a relaunch
of the titles. Her passion is now feeding my own.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve edited the text probably eight times since then, and licensed
some amazing photography of a gorgeous model named <a href="https://www.starnow.com/violeteyes/">VioletEyes</a> by photographer
<a href="https://www.jamiemahon.com/">Jamie Mahon</a>. Now Renee and I are polishing her production for an upcoming release.
I couldn’t be happier. I once again feel like I did when I first published,
except everything is at a whole new level of quality.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Not only that, but this production has a decidedly different
feel than any audiobook I’ve worked on before.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Previously, I sent a narrator a script, then waited until
they were finished. I then suggested a few changes, they were made, and we
published. Despite my spotty quality control in a few places, the releases
ranged from good to great. This time, Renee’s enthusiasm demanded I not play a
passive role in the production, and I am eternally grateful for that.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have never had a lot of contact with my narrators, other
than agreeing on terms, and delivering a script. Now it’s nightly
back-and-forth sessions, collaborating, agonizing, and fine-tuning. The results
thus far are more than worth it. Her readings have even shaped my edits,
leading to a few small but important changes. </p><p class="MsoNormal">For instance, I found a much
better, more obvious chapter title that I had somehow never considered before. She asked for, and received, a new dedication for the book, which is far more poignant than it was previously. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My point is, I guess, that if at all possible, take an
active role in your audiobook productions. Don’t wait for the final product,
but dive in with the first chapter and start making improvements early on. Make
sure your narrator is not only stellar, but that they are serious about the
project, and want to work actively with you on it. The process of refining and
fine-tuning the production can result in improvements across the board, and
even affect your eBook and print editions. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The results may astound you. <o:p></o:p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-62976633711586386962021-07-12T12:43:00.000-05:002021-07-12T12:43:40.844-05:00Mentor Others To Improve As A Writer<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiejFxDXD5MY87uOKnVbEbLc1ccC2cpythR3pxqhQe0m6Cfw3AvdOrlVmKq7sMBQsPREjBndIgxeHhv6y87SFqhn3aEKKgse0ujn7VfzfKB-G9R_d6L8QJnBBeAkb4b0EZ1KKF_sZ1zRxov/s300/mentors3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="258" data-original-width="300" height="550" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiejFxDXD5MY87uOKnVbEbLc1ccC2cpythR3pxqhQe0m6Cfw3AvdOrlVmKq7sMBQsPREjBndIgxeHhv6y87SFqhn3aEKKgse0ujn7VfzfKB-G9R_d6L8QJnBBeAkb4b0EZ1KKF_sZ1zRxov/w640-h550/mentors3.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">That famous adage “When we teach,
we also learn” applies well to the art of writing.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">At some point as you progress as an
author, you will reach the stage where you can look at someone else’s work and
genuinely say, “I can improve that.” Not from some egotistical standpoint, but
because you’ve already made all those mistakes yourself, learned from them, and
began to apply them to your work. Such things become easy to spot, at that
point. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>It’s
not just mechanical aspects, either. After you’ve written a few novels, you
should have a sense of how to draw a reader in and keep their attention. Or at
least not scare them off or bore them to tears. Beginning writers make a lot of
mistakes in that regard. They fail to make their characters compelling. They
don’t establish any sort of connection between reader and protagonist. Their
introductory chapters, in particular, lack any oomph.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">A poor paragraph flow, excessive
dialog tags, “telling” when you could be “showing”, and things of that nature
can turn a reader off quickly, and are common with newly-minted authors.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I am of the belief that not only
should you be able to edit others, it’s something you need to occasionally do.
That’s not to say you owe it to anyone else to edit their entire work into
something more palatable, but taking someone’s first chapter and polishing it
to something closer to decent is a rewarding task. Each time you improve the work
of others, you reinforce those techniques in your own skillset. Rather than
just writing “in the zone” on your own, you become more conscious of what works
and what doesn’t, and why. That can only lead to more polished pieces for you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">Furthermore, many authors write in
a void, early on. Imagine how you might have benefitted if someone with a bit
more skill had taken up your first novel or short story and said, “Try it like
this, instead.” A little direction early on can go a long way. I've edited two pieces recently, and both authors were both grateful and receptive to improving their work. It's likely that my influence will resonate throughout the rest of their writing careers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I see far too many young writers on
the verge of giving up. It’s difficult to get people to read their work, and it’s
entirely possible that they might quit before they’ve developed enough of a
style to gain a readership. At the very least, you can rest well knowing you’ve
tried to improve the world of literature to a small degree. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">I’ve found that Reddit is one good
place to find such writers. There are several groups for critiques and beta
reading, among other things. I’m sure similar things exist on Facebook and Twitter.
Let’s face it, almost everything on Wattpad could use a facelift. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">So get out there and touch someone’s
life today. Be a part of the writing community, rather than just being a
writer. The work you improve just might be your own.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">On a related note, I've finally polished up one of my novels to the point where I feel comfortable recommending it to people. Check out the <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Radar-Love-Ultimate-Hustle-Book-ebook/dp/B006LRKASI">new edition of Radar Love on Amazon</a>.</p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-53637099510529567302021-07-03T15:15:00.015-05:002022-12-24T09:35:48.903-06:00The Time We, Uh, Robbed a Church<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqxB9nKrZl0Oynmn8CD1vU4Ntg02QsLzs3FGBozvTuh5dbbTaJkjWxPOmEus3V4bPXow8275AUQKqockDxtGwN4fw6xWqynm5giOdoJrtz3bMABl6v5_n2tGwLYBmaFiI8li_6zzmCLBhF/s1100/150610165223-sunday-stickup-illustration-super-169.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="619" data-original-width="1100" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqxB9nKrZl0Oynmn8CD1vU4Ntg02QsLzs3FGBozvTuh5dbbTaJkjWxPOmEus3V4bPXow8275AUQKqockDxtGwN4fw6xWqynm5giOdoJrtz3bMABl6v5_n2tGwLYBmaFiI8li_6zzmCLBhF/w640-h360/150610165223-sunday-stickup-illustration-super-169.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><p>Sorry, mom! This perhaps isn’t *quite* as horrific as the
title suggests, but it’s definitely not my most wholesome story. And do I have
any wholesome stories, really?</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We were uncontrollable little metalhead ruffians, running <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>fairly wild in the ghettos and deserts of Las
Vegas. We ran wild because we rarely got caught. So our families never knew
what was going on.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The primary culprits were me, Terry, A.J., and my little
brother. We caused some serious chaos. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Terry did bring the heat down on us early on by painting
three-foot high Van Halen and Black Sabbath logos on our own apartment
building, of course. Lucky for me, I had nothing to do with that one.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A.J. and I used to ditch school with a kid named Duncan, to
smoke weed, listen to Angry Samoans and stuff, and play Risk. We all used to
run the mile every week for gym wearing combat boots.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Literal maniacs, like a junior version of A Clockwork Orange: American Edition. Terry and I were riding our bikes in both lanes of a boulevard one day. A car came up behind us and honked. We flipped them off without looking. It was a Metro cop car.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> Another time we were egging cars and houses, and got chased. Don't try and run with all of your pockets full of eggs.</o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7z2L1t_5fZuTUf1aL_jQX1BEKjKyz28vXNycEiSK6H3mX6A2jWeBOnrgvW8tGbNQhZJ2PMfrmIkGHyRI-9kL2LLDW1VknHL58Z8lLFxlzwpNVNKwHgsOYLiOgMvDZYt7E8QcRJrrW042W/s1000/flat%252C750x%252C075%252Cf-pad%252C750x1000%252Cf8f8f8.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="750" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7z2L1t_5fZuTUf1aL_jQX1BEKjKyz28vXNycEiSK6H3mX6A2jWeBOnrgvW8tGbNQhZJ2PMfrmIkGHyRI-9kL2LLDW1VknHL58Z8lLFxlzwpNVNKwHgsOYLiOgMvDZYt7E8QcRJrrW042W/w480-h640/flat%252C750x%252C075%252Cf-pad%252C750x1000%252Cf8f8f8.jpg" width="480" /></a></div><p></p><h2 style="text-align: left;">Video Game Junkies</h2><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But before we started smoking weed, arcades were the thing.
There wasn’t much to do in Vegas except get in trouble, if you were a kid there
in the 80s. Video games and BMX were some of the only legit hobbies to have at
the time.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Early on, we collected cans to turn in to Safeway for arcade
money. This grew into a serious hustle. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We would put rocks in the cans before we crushed them,
adding to their weight considerably. Once we forced a spark plug into one. Five
dollars’ worth of cans quickly started to grow into ten and twenty dollars.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In one incident, we had turned in a huge bag, collected our
money, and then continued to stand there after the clerk left. Another came by,
and paid us a second time. Every bit of it went into arcade games.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a little pizza place that had three cocktail
games, Moon Cresta and two others I can’t recall. Before we began our aluminum
can enterprise, we had learned to put pennies against the back wall of the coin
return and flip them upward for credits.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One day, another kid from school stood up and said, “Fuck
this, I’m going to the arcade.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The what?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In another building within the same damn strip mall was a
new place, Fantasy World. It probably had forty machines and was literally
heaven. It hit on every 80s arcade cliché you can imagine. They sold ice cream,
made t-shirts, and was occupied by the full gamut of stereotypes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Needless to say, we became obsessed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It became quicker and easier to just find a bum who had
collected a huge cart full of cans and wait until he entered a dumpster. Then
we would just run up and take the whole thing as he yelled at us, laughing all
the way. We also started just knocking on doors and asking people for cans.
Oftentimes, retired people would give us all the returnable bottles they were saving,
too. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was at another kid Dennis’s apartment, and he silently
showed me a ten-dollar bill. We lit out for the arcade immediately.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thirty minutes later, his mom was tapping him on the
shoulder. He had stolen it from his sister’s purse, and it was likely the only
money she had.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I kept playing as they drug hm away by his ear.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fantasy World gave away a shirt for each high score of the
week on every machine. One day an older kid racked up a huge score on Scramble,
one of my favorites at the time. I watched him play with admiration, and was in
awe as he finally lost and just walked away. I entered my own initials, WIZ,
and collected my shirt several days later.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Robbing bums was the gateway into shoplifting.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br /></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd64j1rVtwpTaWsRTJ6H5d17xLhLadi_eu5IvxLUb8zKBeLdi1EV0vOLEYb3a2ccUDnb2G1qunV9A9HNi5YO7K2voD-VSJ1tTr6ufik8mnty9AAROPrsf-fwCkV2N1DOTPBuAbqOGLgBWZ/s989/limpbizkitthievesbanner.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="341" data-original-width="989" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd64j1rVtwpTaWsRTJ6H5d17xLhLadi_eu5IvxLUb8zKBeLdi1EV0vOLEYb3a2ccUDnb2G1qunV9A9HNi5YO7K2voD-VSJ1tTr6ufik8mnty9AAROPrsf-fwCkV2N1DOTPBuAbqOGLgBWZ/w640-h220/limpbizkitthievesbanner.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><h2 style="text-align: left;">Den of Thieves</h2><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Terry and I walked into a drug store next to the Safeway one
day, and without coordinating, each stole something. I don’t remember what he
got, but I had taken a Penny Racer, a little car that had a slot in the back for
a coin.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After we left and started walking home, sitting on a wall
like the devil himself, was an older kid and his friend.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">"Take this bag", he said, "go into the Safeway, and fill it
with beer. Then just walk out. Bring me the beer and I’ll pay you."</p><p class="MsoNormal">I don’t
remember if it was weed or money he offered. But like utter fools, we did it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Successfully. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Except when we handed them the beer, they just took off.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Naturally, we chased them for blocks. Eventually, they ran
into an apartment in a walled-in complex.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It might not have even been the right apartment, but we
banged on the door. And interrupted some adult who was apparently having sex at
the time, because some huge dude opened the door angry, in his underwear, with
a fucking boner. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Doh! That shut down that escapade. We ran.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Once we saw how easy it was, stealing became a daily thing. We
started taking a six-pack of Mickey’s beer (in the barrel bottles), and
chugging them in the bathroom. We stole a lot of candy, of course, and some
magazines, but my specialty was paperback books. Once I got not one, but two
Jimi Hendrix biographies, and gave one to Terry.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I never got caught, but it was so commonplace for us, one
winter I had a pack of unsweetened baker’s chocolate in my coat (!), and an
employee walked up behind me and said, “Alright, what do you have today?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I pulled it out of my sleeve without him seeing me. “Just
this,” I said and handed it to him before leaving.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKf8RodnSe9OeCjVu0wKe5Udep-g4TQ1SIZFjJnzaqFpxhybyG6_7w8TBqIF5qcBgxx3AxiWXEntEPE1CHiy7bH34jabNw7r3Kf24iV2tUkY9GTW3A0TPPPNKV2aAw7FpUvAcfJ6-Sae0T/s1500/81B2aeWun3L._SL1500_.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1486" data-original-width="1500" height="634" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKf8RodnSe9OeCjVu0wKe5Udep-g4TQ1SIZFjJnzaqFpxhybyG6_7w8TBqIF5qcBgxx3AxiWXEntEPE1CHiy7bH34jabNw7r3Kf24iV2tUkY9GTW3A0TPPPNKV2aAw7FpUvAcfJ6-Sae0T/w640-h634/81B2aeWun3L._SL1500_.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">School Daze</h2><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our reign of terror expanded as we got older. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One weekend night, we had a twelve pack of beer, and a
Japanese police baton. We drank all the beer in a laundry room, and hit the
streets, drunk as hell.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">First, Terry smashed in the window of a parked truck. This was
hilarious to us. So we jumped the wall into a trailer park, and started
throwing rocks at cars.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They were slamming on their brakes, screeching, turning
around. Then we started throwing rocks at trailers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This led to the manager driving up on his van. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Terry played it off, walked up to the guy’s
window…and spit in his face.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We ended up getting chased on three-wheelers and splitting
up. I ended up tripping over some low wire fence or something, but we both got
away. We were each sure the other had been caught. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I made it to my apartment, my mom said, “Terry showed
up and said he had to go back home…”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first day of sixth grade is when we started smoking pot
on our own.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sixth grade centers are a Vegas thing. K-5 is a school, and
then 6<sup>th</sup> grade is an entirely separate one. You usually get bused
way into North Las Vegas. At least we did.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It would travel down the Strip, and we would flip off
tourists, spit on them, etc. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But on the very first day of sixth grade, at the bus stop,
Terry said, “I stole a half a joint from my brother. Wanna smoke it?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Fire that shit up, bro.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On the bus, we were all going apeshit. In the back, flipping
people off, mooning them. I think a kid threw a sandwich on someone’s windshield.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The primary target was this little old
lady who was following behind us.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She was the superintendent of the LV school busing system. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She pulled the damn bus over. I crawled forward under the
seats, and popped up elsewhere, But she recognized me, and put the three of us
into the back of her car, and drove us to school.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We were so baked. We attended a class or two, and then they
called me to the office. They used these little wooden paddles as hall passes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As I stepped out into the corridor, Terry and A.J. were
walking in unison, saying “Bus-ted, bus-ted”, and slapping their palms with the
passes. I joined in without us missing a beat.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At the principle’s office, I tried to play it off like I was
bored and cool.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Are you on medication, son?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t think anything really came of it. The trick to doing
stuff at school and getting away with it is intercepting the mail before your
parents checked the mailbox.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihT_M0EcClhLc14cqUKMO5n7ksEnLvgDSEmCaD3fpGuC7c_qrABkvYfiw8qzqFmtCsXL_ISfjVGwg9whm92ph3JRZhXOAGDoixl10V2HtQoXpqTLBnv1WWQvGfDK6uR_zyX6vDjiUiM7Lf/s856/c612703983723bb0366bef582487c102.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="660" data-original-width="856" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihT_M0EcClhLc14cqUKMO5n7ksEnLvgDSEmCaD3fpGuC7c_qrABkvYfiw8qzqFmtCsXL_ISfjVGwg9whm92ph3JRZhXOAGDoixl10V2HtQoXpqTLBnv1WWQvGfDK6uR_zyX6vDjiUiM7Lf/w640-h640/c612703983723bb0366bef582487c102.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">Metal Up Your Ass</h2><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One night, Dark Angel was playing at an all-ages club. Dark
Angel was a bit of a Slayer rip-off band that later grew into their own. But at
the time, first album, they were pale imitations of Slayer. Singer Don Doty did
the same high-pitched yell, and even took an album photo that looked exactly
like Tom Araya.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We loved them all the same. Terry made arrangements to meet
us there, and A.J. and I walked to the show through the desert. On acid.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As we were talking, he accidentally spit his hit out. We
actually looked in the sand at night using lighters to try and find it, to no
avail.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was an all-ages show, but they were searching people at
the door. Thinking I was slick, I put my pipe in my inside pocket of my leather
jacket. The old man at the door slid his hand inside without hesitation, felt
it was a pipe, and waved us in.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Terry arrived shortly thereafter.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The line-up was actually two bands we had never heard of
playing first. Voluntary Manslaughter was a local act, I think. Cool, punky
hardcore stuff. They had their own eponymous theme song. The second act was
also pretty wild hardcore/punk. A little band named PapSmear.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Unbeknownst to us, this was Jeff Hanneman of Slayer’s side
project. (UPDATE: No, it wasn't. This was the Vegas band Pap Smear...) It might have been Dave Lombardo on drums, too. (IT WASN'T.) We had no idea that we
were seeing an extremely rare performance that few would ever witness. (WE DIDN'T.)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a little plywood barricade between us and the
stage, and at some point, we made the agreement to tear it down when Dark Angel
came out.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We did, and it was a pretty chaotic opening. But the club
owners were pissed, of course, and made us put it back up before they would let
the show continue.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To our right, was this big dude with a bottle of Budweiser,
leaning over the barricade trying to grab the singer, and screaming “Fuck you!”.
Terry said, “I think that’s Kerry King!” and it was.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Later we got into a mosh put with this big skinhead in a
bandana. We did the Milano Mosh with Billy Milano of Stormtroopers of Death.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s no telling how much metal royalty was in attendance
that night. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zeHwSbuvYvM">Some terrible footage of the show exists, we’re centerstage in the front row.</a><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So that was fun.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At some point a few months after that, Terry and I stole
some wood and a can of gas out of the back of some trucks. In broad daylight, I
think.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We took them to the desert and built a big cross. It was
probably twelve feet high. Then we soaked it in gas, stood it up, and lit it on
fire when it got dark.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You could see it blazing from two highways. We got out of
there when the LVPD helicopters started showing up. Once a helicopter gets you
in the spotlight, you’re done. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And now we come to the climax of this tale.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzq89i_W7Lox0hru6olg9D3Vxbwlj7AQcBoN2adby7QaS427VhhlZ9rhRW3U4ZV459vfHuPC2ANTqMAg2hQIUWISstLoY3GIyFd40JXTHWp1Qb9G4tW5Y3-QvQNa5tezOI7LPrzqOmWAd/s1353/slayer_hauntingthechapel_girl_lg_1.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1353" data-original-width="936" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuzq89i_W7Lox0hru6olg9D3Vxbwlj7AQcBoN2adby7QaS427VhhlZ9rhRW3U4ZV459vfHuPC2ANTqMAg2hQIUWISstLoY3GIyFd40JXTHWp1Qb9G4tW5Y3-QvQNa5tezOI7LPrzqOmWAd/w442-h640/slayer_hauntingthechapel_girl_lg_1.jpg" width="442" /></a></div><br /><p></p>
<h2 style="text-align: left;">Haunting the Chapel</h2><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Tim was a kid who lived in one of these massive Las Vegas
trailer parks. If you’ve ever flown into Vegas, you’ve probably seen them. An
absolutely massive sea of shimmering trailer homes, walled in. This one, the
same one we had vandalized earlier, even had its own convenience store inside.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I first met Tim, he had short hair. That was seriously
not a thing in the Vegas metal scene. He told me he got tired of it, and shaved
it off.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Later I found out a few older kids had held him down and
shaved his head. He was that kid. A compulsive liar who annoyed everyone he
met. And his parents were old. Like, well past retirement old.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I watched him get off the school bus one day, and this little blonde punk girl cold-cocked him. Just punched him in the face and knocked
him down.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I used to deliver weed to him when he was punished, bringing it to his window. I kept half of every order.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The same girl ate a whole pack of Dramamine one night while
we were drinking Black Velvet in the desert. One kid, Duncan the Hawaiian Punk,
passed out. We left him.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A day or two later, he showed up at school. “Bruh, thanks
for calling my dad. He came and saved me.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No, I didn’t call your dad.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Dude, you don’t have to say it. I know you did, and I
really appreciate it.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So one day Tim and I ate a pack or two of Dramamine each. It
didn’t do anything to me.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He started talking to people who weren’t there. I got
freaked out and left. His mom called mine soon after.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“My son is talking to an empty room. He says he can’t shower
because people are in there. And that there are people under his bed. What is
he on?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For whatever reason, I said acid.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another phone call. “This is not acid!”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">His mom was pretty damn hip. I told them to look behind his
speaker for the empty Dramamine packs. I really don’t recommend ever trying
this.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One day we were smoking a joint in his room, it was sticking out of
an empty pen, for whatever reason.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">His old-ass mom walked in and said, “I’ve never understood
what you kids see in that shit.” Then she grabbed it and took a huge hit. She
left the room coughing as we died laughing. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Tim was an altar boy at some church by my apartments, forced
to attend by his parents.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Hey, man. Come to church with me. I’ll steal some
collection money and we’ll buy a sack.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Say no more. I’m there, dude.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, we did it. But while there, I noticed the crucifixes the
altar boys all wore. They were thin, square, and pretty big. Just very cool. A plan
developed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next day, me, Terry, my little brother, and A.J. went
back during a service.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Wearing Slayer shirts. Which we had turned inside out so as
to not appear conspicuous. Which made us look even more bizarre.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But the crosses were all being worn during church. We stood
in the back, arms crossed, the entire time. I’m sure people were nervous.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When church was over, we all went outside.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then Terry and I, the masterminds, sent A.J. and my little
brother back in.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They both came running out with two handfuls each. Chased by
a hundred Koreans. The adrenaline was high that day.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We got away, of course, because we always did, being little
desert hoodrats.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I moved to Louisiana, and took mine with me. I think we each
got two of them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I traded one to a kid named Craig, who later died in a car
wreck in front of a Catholic church. The other, I left hanging on a fence by a
pool the day I met my first wife. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Terry, on the other hand, drilled his and hung them upside
down. A few years later, he met Tom Araya of Slayer and gave him one.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So if you ever see a photo of Tom wearing a long, thin,
square crucifix, that was ours. An upside-down cross stolen from a church. I don’t
think you can get more metal than that.<o:p></o:p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-68825357086748419742021-06-30T09:11:00.010-05:002021-06-30T09:23:48.267-05:00The Most Insane Rap Show I’ve Ever Attended<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEhd0tHAt17QcIMrdeLQe2waKFd20ADbPtbjr6TZmSz9pO9KiHEkOU2CXq3Omxt0SJpLL0uPyerghYqXWdjIxGK5N2T25O72HF4gIx4y8FzTIDAZk_TNX2SEpuE0eeJVHiX_3mksW_KeHh/s764/764px-Bring_the_Noise_Tour_at_Joe_Louis_Arena_1988-12-10_%2528ticket%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="600" data-original-width="764" height="502" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEhd0tHAt17QcIMrdeLQe2waKFd20ADbPtbjr6TZmSz9pO9KiHEkOU2CXq3Omxt0SJpLL0uPyerghYqXWdjIxGK5N2T25O72HF4gIx4y8FzTIDAZk_TNX2SEpuE0eeJVHiX_3mksW_KeHh/w640-h502/764px-Bring_the_Noise_Tour_at_Joe_Louis_Arena_1988-12-10_%2528ticket%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><o:p> (Ticket stub is from a Detroit show)</o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve been to a lot of crazy concerts, including a lot of
death metal and punk shows, but this was the all-time wildest thing I’ve ever experienced.
Hell, I’ve performed at some pretty wild metal shows. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Note also that for some I might even hold this
crown in their own lives, for my <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgFg6OSENGU">blacked-out performance in Vegas</a> when I rapped
while unconscious, cursed the club owners, and threw my drink at the wall. But
that’s bush-league stuff compared to this epic event.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The year was 1988. I wrote rap lyrics, sold acid, and hung
out with my metal band <a href="https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandID=1474870">Gortician</a> before they started writing original music. The
bass-player/singer and I heard about a show in New Orleans and decided to
attend.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Naturally, I dressed for the occasion. A Sonic baseball cap
turned jauntily askew, 3D glasses taped to my head, and my wife’s dance outfit
from when she was younger. It was a leotard that I had cut the bottom off of,
and had a green-sequined bow tie with checkerboard sleeves. Because Flava Flav.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We drove down from Baton Rouge smoking weed, and arrived
fashionably late, missing the first act, MC Hammer. That was probably
intentional. We seemed to be the only two white dudes in attendance, in a
massive throng of New Orleans natives. No pun intended.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was December, but that doesn’t mean cold, in Louisiana.
In fact, the 15,000 or so attendees made the arena decidedly warm from the
start. Which made EPMD’s decision to wear their bomber jackets on stage the
beginning of a very interesting evening.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Fuck it, we’re gonna rock it with our shit on!”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They hit on all their most popular tracks at the time. Probably “Jane”, “Strictly
Business”, and “You Gots to Chill”. This alone would have been worth the price
of admission.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then they said, “Can our DJ fuck his turntable?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Scratch, as he was known, proceeded to literally hump the turntable,
and literally cut up a record up using his crotch. This was my first and only
time witnessing such an event. Epic.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ice-T was up next, and for whatever reason, my bassist and I
split up. He probably went to get a beer.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was stage left, and pretty close to the action. Ice-T and
company were wild. Extremely amped up. Some swole cat was doing one-armed push-ups. Afrika Islam was the hype man.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Everything was extremely frantic. Ice was throwing albums or cardboard posters
into the crowd like frisbees. T-shirt cannons were being fired, and they might
have had real money packed in them? It’s a bit of a blur.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Something really got the crowd’s attention, probably “Colors’.
As I’m standing there taking this all in as best I could, I was pushed from
behind.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I turned around to see a kid standing there with his arms crossed
as if nothing happened. Oh, well. It must have been an accident. Although there was no
one else there.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I ignored him, turned back to the show, and he did it again…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If I hit this kid, I thought, I will never exit this arena
alive. Letting it go might be the smartest decision I have ever made. If it had
been a metal show and a metalhead, I would have probably jumped on him the first
time. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But the set ended, and Public Enemy was up next, which is
who we were really there to see. My bassist and I found each other, somehow,
and started moving in through the standing crowd at center stage.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Excuse us, excuse me,” we said as we pushed through.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We got within ten people of the front row, and what seemed
like the biggest dude there tapped us on the shoulder and shook his head no. We
probably should have argued the point. It was fucking Public Enemy. However,
noise conditions made rational debate difficult, and we were already in over
our heads. Plus we were pretty close, and were able to keep our spot. A compromise
was reached.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, when I say it was December, it was actually December 24<sup>th</sup>.
Christmas Eve.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">PE came out hard. The first words spoken were by Professor
Griff. “Fuck a motherfuckin' white Jesus!”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Woah. This did not sit particularly well with the New
Orleans crowd, and set the tone for the rest of the performance. Try as they
might, they absolutely could not capture the audience’s attention in a positive
way. Even Flava Flav’s “New Orleans is rock-kin!” singalong fell flat.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In fact, the only real reaction they got was when Terminator
X cut up the Flash Gordon theme song. To be fair, he probably was the greatest part of the ensemble on that night, doing his best Johnny “Juice” Rosado impression.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As if the set’s opener wasn’t shocking enough, the New Orleans Police Department was doing security that night, and about three songs in,
Chuck D took it down between songs and said, “There’a a lot of niggers out here…with
badges and guns.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yes, hard R and all. I think the first part really shook the
audience, and the punchline was lost on them. It probably contributed to the lukewarm
reaction. But holy shit, Chuck. They kill people down here for less than that.
It was easily the most radical statement I’ve ever heard at any concert.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We split up again after that, probably for another refill of beer. N.W.A. was up next.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">N.W.A. with Ice Cube, mind you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They came out loud as fuck, heavily distorted and yelling.
The atmosphere changed instantly. You could smell the weed, dust, and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>coke in the air. People were drunk and riled
up.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There were gunshots in the mix. There might have been gunshots
in the arena. Everyone chose that moment to go buck wild.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">No more than two or three songs into the set, and we found
each other. By mutual agreement, we both said, “Let’s get the fuck out of here”
and made our way to the exits. Along the way, the gang task force had groups of
people in identical track suits lined up against the wall. It looked like every
available cop was arresting someone. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We made it to the vehicle and split back to Baton Rouge. That
was 33 years ago, and it remains the wildest concert we’ve ever been to. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> Here it is on a list of the <a href="https://theundefeated.com/features/the-20-greatest-hip-hop-tours-of-all-time/">20 greatest rap tours of all time</a>.</o:p></p><p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-42775943913958943982021-06-28T10:10:00.004-05:002021-06-28T15:37:44.012-05:00Run a Consistency Check<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqgEC7n1XmAAELKJzTYoteJRyTHshxXX_29tLWuKjexaHUViUx7sqrvos-xo-z84Lw1QO7SOfdyGqP4aGTeAbCRqs4LH7YOeHv7rdRx4BPZmIHcvZl7XlL4Q307h0bGdi0y2RKEOER-EFy/s1023/WordPress_searchtools_rectangle_1_Illustrative_Banner_Blog.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="500" data-original-width="1023" height="312" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqgEC7n1XmAAELKJzTYoteJRyTHshxXX_29tLWuKjexaHUViUx7sqrvos-xo-z84Lw1QO7SOfdyGqP4aGTeAbCRqs4LH7YOeHv7rdRx4BPZmIHcvZl7XlL4Q307h0bGdi0y2RKEOER-EFy/w640-h312/WordPress_searchtools_rectangle_1_Illustrative_Banner_Blog.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I am probably the last person you want to take editing
advice from. Only now, ten years after self-publishing a flurry of novels, am I
giving them the edits they deserve. I also can’t teach you how to write. Most
people can’t write. Some write badly. Many who have more or less mastered the
mechanics still write bland, boring books. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Nevertheless, your novel can always be improved. Ideally,
long before publication. While going over one of mine about eight times now, I’ve
made a few observations that can shore up any story. Even if your book is bad,
the writing should be consistent. That will make it significantly…less bad.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Doing a global search for these pitfalls can reveal
numerous issues. But don’t use a global replace, or you’re likely to make
changes you didn’t intend.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Okay/Ok<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Pick one usage and stick with it. Personally, I feel ‘okay’
is the way to go, here. But, whatever. Don’t include a mix of usages. Ok?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Contractions<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Traditionally, we were taught not to use contractions in our
narrative. I find that not using them in that case feels stilted, and seriously
affects your tone. You don’t want your contemporary novel to sound like it was
written in the 1800s, do you? Again, it’s a choice of styles, but whatever you
choose, make sure you follow that pattern throughout the entire book. This
doesn’t apply to dialogue, of course.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Foreign words/accents<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you’re including a second language, no matter what
amount, don’t make assumptions about spelling and phrasing. Take the time to do
your research here, and make sure you get it right. If a word gets accented in
its native form, then accent your usage as well. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Open and closed quotes<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve noticed that Microsoft Word’s “Smart Quotes” could be
smarter. Sometimes after a spate of typing or editing, it will enclose a
quotation with two closed or open quotes, instead of a matched pair. It can be
easy to overlook.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Brand names<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Visquine, right? No, it’s actually Visqueen. Weird.
Plexiglass is generic, Plexiglas is a particular brand. It only takes a few
seconds to check, but it’s an important detail that's easy to get wrong.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Ellipses<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One could write an entire column on these three little dots,
and many have. Aside from taking a look at how often you use this device, make
sure the application is consistent. There are multiple ways to go, all are
correct in one school of thought or another. Just make sure you don’t mix and
match them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Names vs. Pronouns<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is a big one. I write longhand, and used to turn my
stuff over to my typist. I have no idea how she was able to decipher my
handwriting. But when you’re banging out pages this way, you tend to use your
character’s names more often than you should. At least that’s the case for me. Wherever
possible, use a pronoun if the subject is made clear by context. That’s not to
say obliterate every reference to a character’s name, but it generally doesn’t
need to be used more than once a paragraph. Each occurrence should also be viewed
against the previous and following paragraphs. Find a balance between clarity
and style, and err on the side of pronouns.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Word choice/proximity<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hate when I use the same word near itself. Consequently, I
am able to avoid it most of the time. Even so, I slip up, and kick myself
later. Especially when the text goes to audiobook format, which is a lot harder
to get changed. As you edit, pay attention to this aspect. That’s not to say
you should go crazy with synonyms if a scene necessitates using the same word
several times, but in briefer instances, that’s a good solution. Barring that,
you might consider rewriting the passage to minimize repetition. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Do you really need that semi-colon?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Probably not. I just don’t like them. They should be used
sparingly, if at all. I’ve found that most sentences that use semicolons work
just as well or better when split into two sentences. If you’re using them, make
sure they’re justified. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, But, and And<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It is incredibly easy to overuse these words at the
beginning of a sentence. In most cases, it works just as well without them. They’re
better suited for dialogue. That’s not to say you should never begin a sentence
in the narrative this way, but be aware that you’re doing it, and how often. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Overusing words in general<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Once you get past words that absolutely will be repeated
endlessly, we all have some that we favor without knowing it. If one keeps
popping up in your edit, do a search to get a count of how many times this is
happening. It sounds a bit dispassionate, but statistical analysis can improve
your text.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Adverbs<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Search for words ending in -ly. Eliminate three quarters of
them. It sounds harsh, but it will improve the quality of your work
tremendously. Oops. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Approaching these problems in a global fashion will
speed up your editing process in the long run, and make for a much more consistent
book. It’s not a substitute for poring over each sentence word by word, but
running a consistency check before you dive into deep editing will eliminate
the possibility of accumulating many small stylistic errors that can add up in
a longer piece. Once you become aware of these problems in your text, I daresay
your next effort will be much improved from the start.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Don't read my books. Seriously. I'm relaunching them slowly, one at a time. On the other hand, my audiobooks are worth listening to...</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Jason+Z.+Christie">https://www.audible.com/search?searchAuthor=Jason+Z.+Christie</a></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-48603471426446205022021-06-17T08:42:00.004-05:002021-06-19T06:49:44.986-05:00Steam Twin-Stick Round-Up: Enter the Gungeon, One Shell Straight to Hell, Geometry Wars 3, Orbital Invaders<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE86-pRDV0yzlX4fUSlFHp4uAvOv2RHudgkv8gmfPW8uMT22hppdi7qa17ot21Y78okRYORqoaEknDbjI9lRQmL7MuTvTYN3mPnZuhcERP4bq0bpeIa-dLAV9XRFz9p05TBnNdBbdLZU6f/s2000/H2x1_NSwitchDS_EnterTheGungeon.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1000" data-original-width="2000" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE86-pRDV0yzlX4fUSlFHp4uAvOv2RHudgkv8gmfPW8uMT22hppdi7qa17ot21Y78okRYORqoaEknDbjI9lRQmL7MuTvTYN3mPnZuhcERP4bq0bpeIa-dLAV9XRFz9p05TBnNdBbdLZU6f/w640-h320/H2x1_NSwitchDS_EnterTheGungeon.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p>Every once in a while, a game rolls out that is pitch
perfect. <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/311690/Enter_the_Gungeon/">Enter the Gungeon</a> is just such a game.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s a twin-stick shooter. It’s a dungeon crawler. It’s
pixel art. EtG knows what its strengths are and plays them up well.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Graphically, it’s cute and engaging. Deceptively so. Because
what lies beneath is a tough and complex bulletfest. Your character may be
bouncy and full of smiles, but it has one mission. Kill everything that moves.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You’re given a choice of four characters, with a fifth
available only in co-op mode. They each have different weapons, abilities, and
default items, and exploring those choices is itself engaging. While your
default weapon never runs out of ammo, there is a wait-time for reloading,
which becomes a serious factor in the heat of battle.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After an important tutorial level, you enter a randomly
generated series of rooms and face increasingly challenging enemies. I say the
tutorial is important because there are a few skills you definitely need to
master if you want to survive. You can flip tables to use as cover and even
push them ahead of you, and you can dodge roll out of the line of fire. I daresay
the game would be impossible without the ability to roll through the barrage of
oversized projectiles fired at you.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The dungeon aspect also has everything you would expect.
Random weapon drops and power-ups, keys, chests, locked doors, shops. There are
pits that can be crossed, or more likely, fallen into. Most intriguingly, there
are secret doors that can only be revealed if you have the right weapon. There
are even teleport areas that let you warp to other areas of the map, saving you
from a lot of traveling through empty rooms you’ve already cleared.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s rare to find a game that does two entirely different
things, and does them both extremely well. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The gameplay is great, and the random nature
of the dungeons insures nothing gets too repetitive. I even encountered two
entirely different bosses in multiple playthroughs of the first level. And the
bosses are tough, making the enemies you meet up to that point seem like mere
training targets by comparison. Beating even the first one is a real
accomplishment.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">EtG is full of details that add to the overall polish of the
game. Sometimes you have to make a choice as to whether you pick something up
in exchange for what you’re currently carrying. Re-enter the room you left an
item in, and you’ll find a note from an enemy, thanking you for leaving behind
something they can use against you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The
weapons and special items are diverse and numerous. A Molotov cocktail, for
instance, does great damage…but will kill you, as well. <o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6h2pT1cWBG8-M2HkuNzrjkhHftKQsOPhsXw2oI8WvuSxDwW1pht94mR4hUXazTQFQQrWD8OBU6RUVNp0s82YwE4KJvxUPuCEpejXW3313sGsVbbIfmZZfnmMgR_czQuUghSgq13yw0Nbr/s1920/Diesel_product_garlic_home_EtG---Screen-18-1920x1080-7d9cdef09e98a033a57edf24b99bd7a4f8223a9e.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6h2pT1cWBG8-M2HkuNzrjkhHftKQsOPhsXw2oI8WvuSxDwW1pht94mR4hUXazTQFQQrWD8OBU6RUVNp0s82YwE4KJvxUPuCEpejXW3313sGsVbbIfmZZfnmMgR_czQuUghSgq13yw0Nbr/w640-h360/Diesel_product_garlic_home_EtG---Screen-18-1920x1080-7d9cdef09e98a033a57edf24b99bd7a4f8223a9e.png" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal">Likewise, there are a ton of enemies, and they possess a
wide range of characteristics. Looking at the included ‘Ammonomicon’, there
seems to be a staggering number in the game, slowly unlocked as you progress.
That’s really encouraging, as the game is plenty of fun with the handful you
face at the start. I see a ton of replay value in this game.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you do happen to beat EtG, there’s already a sequel, Exit
the Gungeon, as well. But that will take some serious effort. I can’t say
enough good things about this one, and it’s a steal at the $5.99 I got it for on sale. Do yourself a
favor and buy it.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzl-XN3chUYR4EEXuCN9r7JzXtRiGQgPS4Q8mVSLXbv4DcLH8pMtrO-ADfMwZZ8-8MF_2fZjP2EV24dkeyq4fWlzZoL1jZ3wdEpXyCHJ5Fjk5mzsuY300MFhPiFqiM5tpyr4XfjZyV5SR/s1280/maxresdefault+%25282%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="720" data-original-width="1280" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibzl-XN3chUYR4EEXuCN9r7JzXtRiGQgPS4Q8mVSLXbv4DcLH8pMtrO-ADfMwZZ8-8MF_2fZjP2EV24dkeyq4fWlzZoL1jZ3wdEpXyCHJ5Fjk5mzsuY300MFhPiFqiM5tpyr4XfjZyV5SR/w640-h360/maxresdefault+%25282%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal"></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/1330370/One_Shell_Straight_to_Hell/">One Shell Straight to Hell</a> is an interesting shooter that incorporates
RPG elements and is heavily story driven. A bit like the comic/series Preacher,
you play a priest who favors bullets over acts of contrition to solve problems.
<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first level involves a spooky mansion and rescuing a
woman’s possessed daughter. It’s all nicely atmospheric and darkly lit and
doesn’t take itself too seriously. You pick up on that when you start getting
attacked by chairs, pianos, and rugs. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The woman herself serves as a guide and also functions as an
AI partner, doing some shooting of her own, on occasion. Her narrative
initially pushes the story along. The dialogue is decent. It’s occasionally
funny, but not exactly over-the-top hilarious, sometimes lapsing into
self-awareness and breaking the 4<sup>th</sup> wall. One tiny aspect I didn’t
care for is that your companion repeats her scripted lines each time you enter
a room. It destroys the illusion slightly and would have been better if she
only said something once.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s all quite playable. You can heal yourself by praying,
but that will take a few seconds, so don’t count on it in a major battle. You can
also unleash a holy blast of sorts, doing damage to anything in its radius.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The game is well done graphically and has a tiny twist that’s
almost unnoticeable. Everything is constructed of tiny voxels, rather than being
traditionally 3D rendered. An interesting and curious choice, but it works. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is ammo to collect, of course, and the occasional gun
to be found. But there’s also a crafting element, and the ability to reclaim rooms
by ‘repairing’ them. Creating objects such as bear traps and reclaiming rooms
becomes a necessary part of your overall strategy.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6NsSIW_qcZ6MIdo03yEOEsoqtZN3olcteYt_Ne5GcClPXOx5eeJFuR1ELyxDE56-3L3WEONh2dc7aWItcbqVhjaGMla-QPs0W8kPa3Cq-XYtnrPZfdwfN45tye2KZug_haEPzy2LTvQ8J/s684/one-shell-straight-to-hell_aheg.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="684" data-original-width="684" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6NsSIW_qcZ6MIdo03yEOEsoqtZN3olcteYt_Ne5GcClPXOx5eeJFuR1ELyxDE56-3L3WEONh2dc7aWItcbqVhjaGMla-QPs0W8kPa3Cq-XYtnrPZfdwfN45tye2KZug_haEPzy2LTvQ8J/w640-h640/one-shell-straight-to-hell_aheg.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<p class="MsoNormal">Eventually you’ll encounter things like spiders, which emit
a poisonous gas that lingers for a few seconds, and a large demon of some sort,
which is keeping the woman’s daughter hostage. Defeating it moves you on to a
second, much tougher phase where the enemies attack you in larger numbers.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It gets tough, and so far I haven’t fully completed the mansion
level. I will, though, because it manages to keep you interested in the story,
and what lies ahead.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One Shell Straight to Hell is a good game, easily worth a
few bucks, if you’re looking for a shooter with a bit more thought behind it. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcCRyupUwcIHRdhxSXpLhhxuTy0BJyru3XqYPh-84QP2qY4e3BZkkd41omwaOv7IsFasq_3Xy3TmXjW2kkCpBRBKo_hFUB8obEfucDnPCgfyhFz9Lfcp1tURVgswqwVuX02mYUGcOxhC7R/s460/header+%25281%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="460" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcCRyupUwcIHRdhxSXpLhhxuTy0BJyru3XqYPh-84QP2qY4e3BZkkd41omwaOv7IsFasq_3Xy3TmXjW2kkCpBRBKo_hFUB8obEfucDnPCgfyhFz9Lfcp1tURVgswqwVuX02mYUGcOxhC7R/w640-h300/header+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;">There's
not a lot that can be said about Geometry Wars</span> 3 that I haven’t already
said in <a href="https://jasonzchristie.blogspot.com/2021/04/the-simple-but-effective-design-of.html">my review</a> of the original Geometry Wars, except that it’s ten times
better.<o:p></o:p></p><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">
</p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;">The
playfields are wildly inventive, at times giving a nod to Tempest, Super
Stardust, and even the original playfield from the first game. The level
progression and goals give you a lot more to play for than just a high score.
Honestly, it just makes the first game seem silly and quaint by comparison. </span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Most interestingly, there is a group of people who play it by not shooting. If you really want a taste of bullet hell, check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OelWcURizig">pacifism gameplay on Youtube</a>. No actual bullets involved, but wow. These people score more than I ever will, without ever firing a shot.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFd8aZg-avUI_LU5scUitVIQNcOt3O0D-nzM5Xf4-e7qehOyGvZ1C1eb-5OqO_fEfhtqmmxnN0hz6GuWJMIJ5KLcDomh05095Kmsb-nZ9QfC1RSdEW_A7eAyHJBlf-vV1-RQe0ocyV2Iz/s1920/ss_8a964552f801c84b245f77c70aac020da5b35450.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaFd8aZg-avUI_LU5scUitVIQNcOt3O0D-nzM5Xf4-e7qehOyGvZ1C1eb-5OqO_fEfhtqmmxnN0hz6GuWJMIJ5KLcDomh05095Kmsb-nZ9QfC1RSdEW_A7eAyHJBlf-vV1-RQe0ocyV2Iz/w640-h360/ss_8a964552f801c84b245f77c70aac020da5b35450.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="line-height: 107%;">This game is big, with staggering graphics and level design. It’s tough, but
fair. Endless replay value here, and it’s a must have game if you love twin-stick
shooters. The series is so good that there is a push for Geometry Wars 2 to be
ported to the PC, as it’s only available on the Xbox consoles. If you don’t have
this one already, pick it up.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal">Speaking of Super Stardust...</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgN1yI_qgeIjMfO7wVwSVOCvLyYXqN0PDmRsqHPTC9XQtDLpUIliTOZvBqgI67hPn41aVc56IuNqO61Ta9hk8k0QNWDZ7oPiaaZaKbNLY-o17caNnT4693wGD4-Qy9NHx7PhYigzoYAo4/s616/capsule_616x353+%25281%2529.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="353" data-original-width="616" height="366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgN1yI_qgeIjMfO7wVwSVOCvLyYXqN0PDmRsqHPTC9XQtDLpUIliTOZvBqgI67hPn41aVc56IuNqO61Ta9hk8k0QNWDZ7oPiaaZaKbNLY-o17caNnT4693wGD4-Qy9NHx7PhYigzoYAo4/w640-h366/capsule_616x353+%25281%2529.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal">I picked up <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/1435660/Orbital_Invaders/">Orbital Invaders</a>, because it looks like a nice Super Stardust type game. I love this style of gameplay, obviously, and this has a nice, unique look to it. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQTcLnXLbRj8Np4K5Lhk9mgzaXeH0yS3TGlGAskh0oeFDGzmq6Ol65eIlTWNyMsi1l8BypIxNy1vjM1zo3EC4aBdoZA2k2NStRQ3WRX_UE8_5FPnFaTRa8qlA1eRQzu0pjHVlTAUwnDMt/s1920/ss_174c7a29e57f8cf0a1a1ee72dbcfaae345b9deaa.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjQTcLnXLbRj8Np4K5Lhk9mgzaXeH0yS3TGlGAskh0oeFDGzmq6Ol65eIlTWNyMsi1l8BypIxNy1vjM1zo3EC4aBdoZA2k2NStRQ3WRX_UE8_5FPnFaTRa8qlA1eRQzu0pjHVlTAUwnDMt/w640-h360/ss_174c7a29e57f8cf0a1a1ee72dbcfaae345b9deaa.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><p class="MsoNormal">Unfortunately, there has been nothing I can do to make it actually run. It's in my library, I remain hopeful, but thus far, I haven't actually been able to play it. Pity. </p><p class="MsoNormal">I could get my money back, but that feels like a dick move, taking back a dollar or whatever I got it for from an indie coder. I have contacted the developer, but I don't see any progress being made, and I'm not the only person who's had this problem. Buyer beware. Maybe you'll have better luck than I did.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-81684327064296634582021-06-12T23:08:00.011-05:002021-07-21T23:28:41.699-05:00(Lightly) Trolling Terry Pratchett, Bruce Campbell, Jean-Louis Gassee and others<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_jwMH8z-PMZGp9KYPieDd8G9Ojzn1XNrj961ZwtnWQijiVsYAo_xlBomOGn6PzmAsAByzvSynVYKtXxk9I_tEiJ_TmLhVwC8YCwDAQQX5BuvLjDBDXfRt9rymfZ72lmpTjVbknvUK5Kk/s640/6a00d8341c858253ef00e54f492b638834-640wi.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="441" data-original-width="640" height="440" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2_jwMH8z-PMZGp9KYPieDd8G9Ojzn1XNrj961ZwtnWQijiVsYAo_xlBomOGn6PzmAsAByzvSynVYKtXxk9I_tEiJ_TmLhVwC8YCwDAQQX5BuvLjDBDXfRt9rymfZ72lmpTjVbknvUK5Kk/w640-h440/6a00d8341c858253ef00e54f492b638834-640wi.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />Trolling is a much maligned, little understood artform. <o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Never has this been more apparent than when a recent article
I published on Reddit went to the front page, resulting in 70,000 blog hits.
Aside from a bemused minority, the comments were generally from people appalled
by the very idea of being a troll.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what trolling is.
Trolling is not hurling racial epithets, threats of violence, and jokes about
banging your mother. That’s griefing. Trolling is not merely offering an
unpopular opinion. These mischaracterizations have led to today’s negative
attitude against anything associated with the word troll.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In reality, trolling is a more-or-less benign form of joke
writing. Humorous fictions presented as reality. At the very least, that is how
trolling began. Even Wikipedia gets it wrong. (<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Internet_troll</a>)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A great example of this would be the Rectilear Kitten troll.
(<a href="https://www.wired.com/2001/02/fbi-goes-after-bonsaikitten-com/">https://www.wired.com/2001/02/fbi-goes-after-bonsaikitten-com/</a>) </p><p class="MsoNormal">This simple webpage with a few photographs led to an FBI investigation. It detailed
the process of growing a bonsai kitten in jar. From the first sentences, it was
utterly absurd. But that didn’t stop the less clued-in members of the Internet
from promoting a wide-spread campaign of outrage against the site. Years after, Snopes even published a fact check on the matter. (<a href="https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/bonsai-kittens/">https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/bonsai-kittens/</a>)<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So who is the villain here? The author of an obvious joke
website, or the early-stage Karens who were unable to distinguish parody from
reality? One recipe for bonsai kitties recommended using a Klein bottle. That
is to say, a bottle with no openings…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGgOnBSmKy9QyyzkefKUrJd_z18i7m3KCNx7UbmbZPErIFtF4br14hCzhtdgnXTEnMRnLywWk_CvN3VXE0-OI-QUSameSi62VbbNjaAAJOuAWBaX8n7F56GxECUpKmr6t7C1VqdlUeht03/s497/babyinhand2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="472" data-original-width="497" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjGgOnBSmKy9QyyzkefKUrJd_z18i7m3KCNx7UbmbZPErIFtF4br14hCzhtdgnXTEnMRnLywWk_CvN3VXE0-OI-QUSameSi62VbbNjaAAJOuAWBaX8n7F56GxECUpKmr6t7C1VqdlUeht03/s320/babyinhand2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>Sad to say, the Internet is not much more sophisticated
about trolling than it was back then. In some ways, “cancel culture” has made trolling
even easier. It’s now trivial to provoke an outraged reaction in many circles.
A good example of this would be the troll group G.N.A.A., which has affected
American politics in the present day, when a recent political staffer was
revealed to be a member of this obvious group of pranksters. (<a href="https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/senior-biden-campaign-cybersecurity-expert-participated-in-racist-internet-troll-group">https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/news/senior-biden-campaign-cybersecurity-expert-participated-in-racist-internet-troll-group</a>) <div><br /></div><div>The G.N.A.A. has been characterized as a terrorist group, for fuck’s sake. A
terrorist group who’s early membership requirement was getting a first post on
a Slashdot article…<o:p></o:p><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">These absurd reactions are why people troll in the first
place. Even groups that consider themselves too sophisticated to be trolled can
fall victim to their own biases.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of my most recent trolls of the past few years managed
to snow the entirety of Ancapistan, the anarcho-capitalist group on Facebook, many of
whom are trolls themselves. I befriended an young gentleman named Anand, and
through a series of posts and backchannel communication, managed to convince
the group that Anand was a sockpuppet (fake identity) of mine. We let this controversy
build and swell before letting everyone know that they were hoodwinked. An epic
trolling of some seven hundred people who thought they were above that sort of
thing.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A few weeks ago, one of the most harmless trolls on the
Internet was doxed and then swatted. Osvaldo12 can scarcely even be considered
a troll. He writes funny, harmless tweets. For that, he was almost killed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2pSbS318o_PWJJHKaIhQuprd1RLq1jRsF018VX4EQaorOglUCoiC_a_a1Qs-0CY8TwwaCi9_3PC9082BXvt1fi27UVm10ZzHKCg4sy0tsnwA4S8ReZck-1seOY6-Z6nms_JmJZeldWXAO/s758/lid53xfr32271.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="758" data-original-width="750" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2pSbS318o_PWJJHKaIhQuprd1RLq1jRsF018VX4EQaorOglUCoiC_a_a1Qs-0CY8TwwaCi9_3PC9082BXvt1fi27UVm10ZzHKCg4sy0tsnwA4S8ReZck-1seOY6-Z6nms_JmJZeldWXAO/w634-h640/lid53xfr32271.jpg" width="634" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEifEQIkAHS7gAOIQ01Z0eM8a4xCI2TdFvseQ481u8Z7OJKNrbe4snNvnGzp8qHZokU76hi47-J669fEpwS91gdUOSezEO77S3ckyKzKUWJYqpthksbxq58s5DMfm8C7iIqWImOUYx0-QZ/s828/ry6vpilnd8371.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="715" data-original-width="828" height="552" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEifEQIkAHS7gAOIQ01Z0eM8a4xCI2TdFvseQ481u8Z7OJKNrbe4snNvnGzp8qHZokU76hi47-J669fEpwS91gdUOSezEO77S3ckyKzKUWJYqpthksbxq58s5DMfm8C7iIqWImOUYx0-QZ/w640-h552/ry6vpilnd8371.jpg" width="640" /></a><br />
<p class="MsoNormal">Again, who is the real menace, here? People who write funny
stuff, or those without the capacity to understand the humor?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It’s become popular to attribute literal terrorism like
swatting to trolls, for some reason. But that’s not trolling, it’s an act of
violence. The conflation probably began when a group of 4Chan people
started “pranking” the managers of fast food restaurants into breaking all of
their own windows over fake gas leaks. Could that be considered ‘trolling’?
Perhaps by the most extreme definition, but it’s hardly the norm.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Being open to interpretation, trolling can lead to a wide
variety of reactions, some of which are unintended. While many people saw the
essential humor in my site <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080509070616/http://www.bedoper.com/reptilian/index.html">Reptilian Watch</a>, I also got a lot of email
from people who sincerely felt that aliens were disrupting their lives...<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of my more impactful trolls, although short-lived,
involved a <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.bedoper.com/inciter/">fake movie rumor website</a>. The idea was to start rumors that would
drive fanboys nuts, and just possibly get some movies produced as a result. Hollywood
Inciter was a collection of joke movie ideas peppered with a few actual new
releases. It somehow led to interactions with Terry Pratchett, Bruce Campbell, and
editor/producer Stuart Kincaid. That’s a lot of reactions for something I spent
a few hours on, at most. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Pratchett personally responded to my rumor regarding “The Colour
of Magic” being produced by Peter Jackson. “Not bloody likely”, he said. Nevertheless,
it was made into a mini-series a few years later. </p><p class="MsoNormal">Likewise, Mr. Campbell emailed
me to tell me that Evil Dead 4 “ain’t gonna happen”. It sort of did, though,
via the remake. </p><p class="MsoNormal">Stu contacted me about Repo Man 3, and sent me a copy of “<a href="https://www.slugmag.com/arts/film-arts/film-reviews/a-texas-tale-of-treason/">A Texas Tale of Treason</a>”, which recounts the attempt to produce Alex Cox’s Repo
Man sequel, “Waldo’s Hawaiian Holiday”. Cox famously revoked the rights after
production had gone on over a year. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Great guys, all. Well, except for the true to his name Cox. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now, I possibly did give the CEO of Be, Inc., Jean-Louis
Gassee a slight panic attack when I emailed him about some potentially fake Be,
Inc. documents regarding a BeOS-powered AR gaming system. What I sent when he replied
back were my own silly designs, and rather than being upset, it led to a
discussion of the feasibility, and this hand-written note he later sent to me. </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1GpPXyvGSdWMV3FLUPBOo9Zf_Gm9AlZdYMItMesGIuSTvHD5X6pwBKqYHOC8E37YE7XejoGqXVif6UC3bRLdZB_VrWfHN6JqTQMDhfHwRYeUMEyP3FVQzW_z9oNv12gQ0clVtvUAtmuJ/s800/letter.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="452" data-original-width="800" height="362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu1GpPXyvGSdWMV3FLUPBOo9Zf_Gm9AlZdYMItMesGIuSTvHD5X6pwBKqYHOC8E37YE7XejoGqXVif6UC3bRLdZB_VrWfHN6JqTQMDhfHwRYeUMEyP3FVQzW_z9oNv12gQ0clVtvUAtmuJ/w640-h362/letter.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">A great sport, JLG is. He took my light-hearted ribbings on <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080618003407/http://www.bedoper.com/bedoper/2006/40.htm">BeDoper</a> well, also.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While trolling is a pretty broad umbrella, the best it
offers, and by the definition many of the old-school trolls most accept, it is
a literary artform to be celebrated. Internet performance art of the highest
order. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>To save you a click you are unlikely to make, here is the Hollywood Inciter page in full:</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6tC10cBJgBoWPbTH3aTUGVDaD6lTfaGLGslAu2bvA427ygSy5aIiSu9FAh8euifwmvalD8Md6iZq2hFL0F-zQ6yYFwMh3usNexa2PgWDqMO6FP-ApPT5-jqaCkJGT1GnpHcseq2ty0DXx/s350/day2-hollywood-manda.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="263" data-original-width="350" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6tC10cBJgBoWPbTH3aTUGVDaD6lTfaGLGslAu2bvA427ygSy5aIiSu9FAh8euifwmvalD8Md6iZq2hFL0F-zQ6yYFwMh3usNexa2PgWDqMO6FP-ApPT5-jqaCkJGT1GnpHcseq2ty0DXx/w640-h480/day2-hollywood-manda.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br /><div><br /><br /><p align="center">Welcome to the Hollywood Inciter, your source for the latest movie news. All sources are confidential, so if you have a juicy tidbit, send it on to <a href="mailto:jasonzc@yahoo.com">the editor</a>. UPDATED DAILY IF WE HAVE SOMETHING.</p><p align="center">Allow myself to introduce...myself. Call me, oh, Jim. I live in Los Angeles, California and I'm a drug dealer and pimp. Need some coke? Heroin? DMT? A sixteen year-old virgin? I procure those items for my customers on a daily basis. And most if not all of my customers are in the movie industry. And that is where I get my information. So, while some of it may be drug-addled and confused, there's also a certain honesty that comes with altered states. (Note to law enforcement agencies: I am not the webmaster/editor of this site, that person resides in Louisiana and is otherwise unconnected to my actvities.) Having gotten that out of the way, here is a 2005 scorecard of my news, rumours and predictions.</p><hr /><table align="center" border="1" style="width: 66%px;"><tbody><tr><th scope="col">MOVIE</th><th scope="col">ACCURACY</th><th scope="col">CONFIRMED</th></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Atlas Shrugged</div></td><td><div align="center">70% (May or may not be in multiple parts)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0480239/" target="_blank">In Production</a></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Not being produced)</div></td><td><div align="center">100% (Subject to change, of course)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/find?q=%22Restaurant%20at%20the%20End%20of%20the%20Universe%22;s=all" target="_blank">No Listing</a></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Desperation</div></td><td><div align="center">88% (Mini-series, not feature film)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0129871/" target="_blank">In Production</a><br /><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.liljas-library.com/desperation.html" target="_blank">Images</a></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Pulp Fiction 2</div></td><td><div align="center">65% (Travolta Says Yes)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.themovieblog.com/archives/2004/09/pulp_fiction_2.html" target="_blank">Still Not Fully Confirmed</a></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers</div></td><td><div align="center">88% (Voice Actors Not Announced)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117922644?categoryid=1731&cs=1" target="_blank">In Production</a></div></td></tr><tr><td><div align="center">Meg</div></td><td><div align="center">70% (Different Director)</div></td><td><div align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450459/" target="_blank">Pre-Production</a></div></td></tr></tbody></table><p align="center">Ok, so technically, I get an 'F', but this scorecard is mainly based on <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/" target="_blank">IMDB.com</a>, since I feel most film fans trust that site implicitly. Several more are in the works, but have not reached the stage where they are common knowledge.</p><hr /><h1 align="center">2006</h1><p align="left">(Sorry, did a little jail time. A word of advice: don't deal to Robert Downey, jr.)</p><p align="left">April 17, 2006 - Most people don't know that this fall's "Over The Hedge" is the big-screen adaptation of TV's "The Get-Along Gang". | Fans of the TV show Charmed should be happy to know that there will be a single Charmed movie later this year.</p><p align="left">January 21, 2006 - More on Evil Dead 4. It will closely follow the plotline of the excellent Evil Dead: Resurrection video game. | A "Repo Man 3" script is being written. Nevermind that there was no "Repo Man 2".</p><p align="left"> </p><hr /><p align="center"> </p><h1 align="center">2004-2005</h1><p align="left">December 11, 2005 - Hi I don't think this is particularly juicy, but the "Something Else" Peter Jackson will be directing is an adaptation of the book "The Lovely Bones" by Alice Sebold. Cheers, Proud New Zealander and Peter Jackson fan. (From <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/mailto:sorryjane@doh.org">Bill and Ted and Carol and Alice apparently all live together</a>.) | I forgot to mention Peter Jackson's "Halo" movie. But it will probably be horrible.</p><p align="center"><img height="372" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737im_/http://www.bedoper.com/inciter/roland.jpg" width="300" /></p><p align="left">December 3, 2005 - EXCLUSIVE! Roland concept art from the Gunslinger movie! Diehard fans will have a few problems with the way he looks. | After King Kong, The Hobbit. After the Hobbit, Something Else. After Something Else? Peter Jackson will produce "The Color of Magic", the first of Terry Pratchett's beloved Discworld books.</p><p align="left">November 12, 2005 - Is the world ready for "The Big Lebowski 2: Lost in Las Vegas"? "Everville", Clive Barker's follow-up to "Great and Secret Show" will go into production to coincide with the release of the third book in the trilogy. In other words, ten years from now.</p><p align="left">August 17, 2005 - John Woo To Direct Wu Movie. Clive Barker's "Great and Secret Show" has been optioned by Universal.</p><p align="left">July 10, 2005 - George Lucas has optioned Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon and Snow Crash. Again with the <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/mailto:jet@untool.net">_Birdman_</a>: Quentin Tarantino so enjoyed directing CSI: Las Vegas that he'd like to do more TV work. He's looking at current sitcoms that could be twisted to his unique vision, and is even considering a mini-series based on his screenplay for the film _From Dusk Till Dawn_.</p><p align="left">June 26, 2005 - Since the 2003 release of _Toolbox Murders_ it seems like Tobe Hooper (_Texas Chain Saw Massacre_) is ready to give up TV sitcoms and horror anthologies and return to film-making. Your Inciter has confirmed that talks are ongoing between Hooper and zombie master George Romero (_Land Of The Dead_) to collaborate on a remake of Hooper's 1985 classic, _Lifeforce_. If Romero's _Land Of The Dead_ performs as expected at the box office, his funding problems may be over. (From our underscore-happy west coast correspondent <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/mailto:jet@untool.net">Jet Li Harvey Birdman</a>). Bug-eyed goth freaks rejoice! Neil Gaiman's "<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115288/">Neverwhere</a>" is coming to a theater near you. Next year.</p><p align="left">May 1, 2005 - Thankfully, there will be no Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy sequels.</p><p align="left">April 26, 2005 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://howtorockstar.blogspot.com/#111448699387287995" target="_blank">A Micronauts Movie!</a> - Such a fine line between generations, eh? Transformers bad, Miconauts good.</p><p align="left">April 16, 2005 - Rapper MC Ren is set to play T'Challa in the movie version of the comic Black Panther, from Universal. | Is the world ready for Napoleon Dynamite 2? The entire cast is returning. In the meantime, get the <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://news.corporate.findlaw.com/prnewswire/20050414/14apr2005121544.html" target="_blank">action figures</a>. | Enthused by the success of Metallica's "Some Kind Of Monster", Jewish thrash act Slayer are resurrecting their feature-length horror movie "Face The Slayer".</p><p align="left">April 9, 2005 - Oh, joy. A <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.cnn.com/2005/SHOWBIZ/Movies/04/06/film.transformers.reut/index.html">Transformers movie</a>...</p><p align="left">March 22, 2005 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.bruce-campbell.com/">Bruce Campbell</a>, fresh from his soon-to-be television hit <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.scifi.com/alienapocalypse/">Alien Apocalypse</a>, will star in "Tarnsman of Gor", the first in a series of films based on the novels by John Norman.</p><p align="left">February 14, 2005- <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=495848">TWO</a> Cheech and Chong movies?</p><p align="left">February 12, 2005 - "Wasted Years" mixes live action and animation to tell the story of an 80s teen going mad, featuring mascot "Eddie". Yes, it's an Iron Maiden movie, loosely based on "Still Life" from 'Piece of Mind'. The best part is, only old Iron Maiden tunes will be used.</p><p align="left">February 12, 2005 - Finally, a movie worth seeing: "<a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.theminutemen.com/">We Jam Econo</a>", the story of punk band The Minutemen.</p><p align="left">January 8, 2005 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=638&ncid=579&e=2&u=/nm/20050107/en_nm/film_superman_dc">Vs. Superman</a>. <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=19085"><em>A Scanner Darkly</em> stills</a>.</p><p align="left">January 8, 2005 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://sify.com/news/offbeat/fullstory.php?id=13645023">Sharon Stone's Snatch</a> vs <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://romanticmovies.about.com/cs/upcomingreleases/a/carrey6million.htm">The Six Million Dollar Man</a>.</p><p align="left">January 8, 2005 - Quentin Tarantino has another project in the works. He's bet purported boy toy George Clooney "a handjob" that he can make <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&c2coff=1&q=HIldegard%2Bof%2BBingen">Hildegard of Bingen</a> a household name in 2006 with a feature film about her life.</p><p align="left">December 23, 2004 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.cthulhulives.org/CoC/movieinfo.html">Call of Cthulu - The Musical</a>! Ok, not really a musical.</p><p align="left">December 18, 2004 - William Gibson's 'Neuromancer' is finally being made into a film...finally.</p><p align="left">December 18, 2004 - Slick Rick will star in 'A Children's Story', to be directed by Roman Polanski. | Arthur C. Clarke's "Childhood's End" will be made into a feature film to be released in 2007. | "Desperation", the once-filmed Stephen King movie is being reshot and reedited for release.</p><p align="left">December 11, 2004 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.thezreview.co.uk/comingsoon/p/pulpfiction2.shtm">Pulp Fiction 2</a> is coming. Tarantino is said to be "looking for a challenge". This film will include ALL of the original cast, and focus on events both before and after the original Pulp Fiction.</p><p align="left">December 9, 2004 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=7515">A Babylon 5 movie</a>? You geek...</p><p align="left">December 7, 2004 - Depite being a really bad idea, the Doom movie is still in production. | Kingpin 2? I wonder if it will have another bull semen drinking scene? | The Beastie Boys' movie 'Scared Stupid' is back from the dead after 15 years in limbo. It will feature a cameo by Mike Watt (Minutemen/Firehose) and some footage from the late Ricky Powell. <strong>UPDATE</strong>: Ricky Powell lives! That will make the film a lot easier to put together, I think.</p><p align="left">December 5, 2004 - <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/thr/film/brief_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1000719915">Toy Story 3</a>? Yes. Pixar? Probably not.</p><p align="left">December 4, 2004 - Confirmed: <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://theindyexperience.com/tie_lite/december_2004.shtml#0000508">Indiana Jones IV</a>. The Tenacious D movie "Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny" has been pushed back to summer 2005, due to the fact that the film is very ambitious and costly in its current incarnation. Early readers of the script also deemed it 'too cerebral'.</p><p align="left">December 3, 2004 - Ayn Rand's epic novel 'Atlas Shrugged' will finally be translated into film form. It will be brought to the silver screen in three parts, the second consisting almost entirely of a speech by Hank Reardon. <strong>UPDATE</strong>: The speech is by John Galt, not Hank Reardon.</p><p align="left">December 2, 2004 - The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers cartoon is now a reality. John Goodman has been cast as Fat Freddy Freak, and Steve Buscemi as Phineas Freak, and it will be animated by Ralph Bakshi.</p><p align="left">Update: The <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.bolexbrothers.co.uk/">Bolex Brothers</a> are doing this film, not Bakshi.</p><p align="center"><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737/http://www.bolexbrothers.co.uk/"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://web.archive.org/web/20080308085737im_/http://www.bedoper.com/inciter/events_grassroots.jpg" width="200" /></a></p><p align="left"> </p><p align="left">December 1, 2004 - "Cunt: The Traci Lords Story" is being passed around Hollywood, much as she herself was. It will probably undergo a title change before the final release.<br /><br />November 30, 2004 - Yeah, baby! Piers Anthony's "On A Pale Horse" is slated for a December 2005 film release with Kevin Bacon.</p><p align="left">November 30, 2004 - More Philip K. Dick News: "Counterclock World" will come to the big screen next year, with cinematography by Spike Jonez of "Being John Malkovich" and "Adaptation" fame.</p><p align="left">November 29, 2004 - Evil Dead 4? Looks like it's go time for Ash.</p><p align="left">November 28, 2004 - "Meg: A Novel Of Deep Terror" is back in production again, with Steven Spielberg AND James Cameron manning the helm.</p><p align="left">November 27, 2004 - Philip K. Dick fans will rejoice at the news that a "Man in the High Castle" film will be produced, with filming due to start in 2006.</p><p align="left">November 26, 2004 - Stephen King has started pre-production on the Gunslinger series of movies. King will play himself in this 21 picture epic, and will film his parts first, before he gets hit by another van and dies or something. It's not like he'll be busy writing or anything.</p><p>November 26, 2004 - Listen to "<a href="https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=8720505">Stars In My Pocket Like Grains of Sand</a>", a song that will NOT be on the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy soundtrack, due to failed negotiations. It does have HHGTTG references, though.</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-19631828594252851292021-06-07T17:44:00.001-05:002021-06-07T17:48:04.349-05:00Reddit is the new Usenet<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO27MM4eLSHXnVUQ-1jdYidQVSI6MCCqmYgT6b-8NZoFNnbTjP99o4c-J8UHDdvirDDNSgqeC0ntSQegJoJ_aNYQXIVQe26psGsRd4hjJIzNfTofNUAlDLYxx0iw_L5pO_QdogoJT-xNQP/s400/usenet-logo-400x300.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO27MM4eLSHXnVUQ-1jdYidQVSI6MCCqmYgT6b-8NZoFNnbTjP99o4c-J8UHDdvirDDNSgqeC0ntSQegJoJ_aNYQXIVQe26psGsRd4hjJIzNfTofNUAlDLYxx0iw_L5pO_QdogoJT-xNQP/w640-h480/usenet-logo-400x300.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p>I won’t bother explaining <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usenet">Usenet</a> again. That glorious time-waster
of old still exists, but I haven’t been there for sixteen years or so. It’s my
loss, I’m sure.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But I do waste a lot of time on Reddit. And it’s occurred to
me that there are a lot of similarities there, and that’s probably one reason I
enjoy it. The other reason being it’s the only place I haven’t been booted from
yet.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Reddit has anonymity. Reddit has the option to create a
group of interest to you, if one doesn’t exist. It has community. It has
variety. It even has a very anemic version of cross-posting. Memes, trolling,
flaming. I can’t see bothering to explain what Reddit is, either, but the
similarities are there. It’s all in an app that works pretty well. Free, easy
to download and install. In some slight ways, Reddit is a better version of Usenet. Erm, with ads.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And yet…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Reddit is the anti-Usenet.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The anonymity brings out the absolute worst in some people,
in a way Usenet really didn’t. People will follow you just to downvote
everything you do. They will scour your easily accessible posting and comment
history to see if you’re the sort of person they should agree with, or vilify.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You can be banned from one group merely by being subscribed
to another one. The hivemind is all-powerful, here.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While you can have multiple accounts, if one happens to get
banned from a group, and you post there using another account, even accidentally,
you risk getting everything nuked.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You can flame people to a degree, but calling someone a ‘donkey-fucking
ass loafer’ is likely to incur a ban.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Trolling and sarcasm are lost on most people there. Irony is
dead, and the app’s widespread prevalence leads to the worst sort of lowest
common denominator posts. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In short, Reddit is a watered-down, crippled, and censored
Usenet. When you say it like that, I can’t even see why I enjoy it at all.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Groups involving design, coding, and art are probably Reddit’s
biggest strengths. 3D Modeling, graphic arts both analog and digital, audio
creation, and programming groups are full of good information, helpful people,
and stunning examples of the state of the art. Stick to these if you want to be
productive. They generally welcome examples of your work, and tend to be
supportive in various ways. Unless you’re an author, somehow. The writing and
book groups are only good for theoretical discussions. If you dare to include a
link to your own work, even inside of a blog post you publish and link there,
you’re likely to have it deleted. It’s a pretty terrible form of gatekeeping I
don’t understand. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">General interest groups like NextFuckingLevel, MakeMeSuffer,
and PublicFreakout are rather readable, and benefit from the curation of
moderators. Lots of content, most of it excellent. Thankfully, there is no
shortage of subreddits like these. Others fall into circle jerk areas. MenWritingWomen
occasionally has some humorous material, but it now seems to uphold anything a
man writes that involves women as terrible. NotLikeOtherGirls likewise delights
in mocking any woman who makes a post somewhere on the Internet celebrating her
individuality.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, any large political group is absolute poison.
Unless you tend to agree with 95% of what USA Today publishes, they should probably
be avoided at all costs. The largest libertarian groups are fifty percent
socialist, at this point. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even most
anarchist groups on Reddit instead espouse communism, and any dissenting opinion
is dealt with harshly. PoliticalCompassMemes somehow manages to be the one
group in which all sides operate more or less harmoniously without being any
sort of larger echo chamber.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Meh. I don’t need more time-wasters, but thinking about all
this has me seriously considering installing <a href="https://www.forteinc.com/agent/">Forte’s Agent newsreader</a>. I
suspect what Thomas Wolfe said will hold true. You can’t go home again.</p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-8185537109324243192021-06-06T16:34:00.002-05:002021-06-06T16:38:05.898-05:0010 Tons Twin-Stick Triple Steam Review (plus one more!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRQPCmrm6_bhdZpKV8lOEDliksq3SbiDCFg03srgcg3BwsREubag_7-1MXY_lkrBacFPq0gvg2BqdLDPIJbW5Ldi0UnVE1fN5CXzslJkiQVx3rmW6RNdxJPYLp_8x5dyhZQFvDORErYBLI/s283/download+%25281%2529.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="178" data-original-width="283" height="403" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRQPCmrm6_bhdZpKV8lOEDliksq3SbiDCFg03srgcg3BwsREubag_7-1MXY_lkrBacFPq0gvg2BqdLDPIJbW5Ldi0UnVE1fN5CXzslJkiQVx3rmW6RNdxJPYLp_8x5dyhZQFvDORErYBLI/w640-h403/download+%25281%2529.png" width="640" /></a><span style="text-align: left;">This review represents about 80 tons of games. That’s quick mafs.</span></div><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So I lumped these particular games together because they’re
all twin-stick shooters from the same developers and/or publisher. And they represent
an interesting progression, from a game design and publishing standpoint. They
share some common elements, and it’s a great example of how to build upon
previous successes. Somehow, they manage to include a few “what not to do”
things, from my standpoint, some unrelated to gameplay.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR8y3UR_QcwaOEpbJtjD2vvtZXhago0Fy82Kod3NZkxKkaiYUIZvH3O8oD15_ROvyFhxQc5P7S7Hg1nMbeNBNQCzcFmS261sOrPbze-iPF_NsZmGC2jNhNIQr5cVN-fQtr5laOspBFPr-R/s300/download.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="168" data-original-width="300" height="358" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgR8y3UR_QcwaOEpbJtjD2vvtZXhago0Fy82Kod3NZkxKkaiYUIZvH3O8oD15_ROvyFhxQc5P7S7Hg1nMbeNBNQCzcFmS261sOrPbze-iPF_NsZmGC2jNhNIQr5cVN-fQtr5laOspBFPr-R/w640-h358/download.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/262830/Crimsonland/?curator_clanid=396411">Crimsonland</a> seems to be their earliest work in this area. In
comparison to the other games, it’s pretty spartan. But it gets the job done.
Everything is tiny, there are no obstacles or walls. The playfield is basically
a desert, or dirt, and slightly larger than the screen. No walls, no bases,
nothing like that. Just you and enemies. It is detailed, for what it offers,
You leave tiny footprints everywhere you go. And, true to the name, great
splotches of blood and bones. This is all done in top-down 2.5D style. I guess it
more or less qualifies as pixelart, but not really. Everything is just small.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are a wide variety of enemies, I haven’t encountered
them all yet, still playing it on the first available level of difficulty,
which requires you to beat the game in full before starting out on a more
difficult challenge. Zombies, spiders, other…things. Each have their own
characteristics, so it’s not just cosmetic. A later level includes spiders than
split into two smaller spiders each time you kill one, iterating several times,
until you’ve shot yourself into a screen full of them. They don’t kill you on
contact, though, instead inflicting some damage each time you touch one. Get
overwhelmed, of course, and you’re dead.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If it sounds simplistic, it is. But I’ve played this one the
most out of the three so far. It works well and shows the promise the dev team
had early on. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Adding a lot to my interest in playing it, they’ve included
a ridiculous number of perks (powerups) and weapons, as well as including an
achievement system. It’s addictive and varied. The weapons all have unique
characteristics. The perk system can award you whatever you pick up via a
token, and the gameplay often gives you a choice between multiple options, letting
you tune your gameplay to the specific situation encountered. It’s very
polished for such a small game. Well done.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Later rounds introduce little generators that constantly
make new enemies and destroying them becomes an important factor. Let them go
long enough and you’re faced with an impossible number of things to fend off.
It’s also done with a fair amount of humor and good writing, and that’s always
a plus with me. Not laugh out loud funny, but interesting and humorous.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOEhlw9zblth0VbFa2A-ld9fDJZTQeEBedSUDYcKdU-mOwGkZa_HATTIHXonS8wzL60ZjTSSZLRMmxDPqK7Rm9zrWFUZiwFrlAy0WRoGEuP1ybfZmHf8oKULo5csafT9AdZ_rPZ8lp-jSi/s1920/ss_6380bd42aa19069bb639c77c23ff59bd3d39c11d.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOEhlw9zblth0VbFa2A-ld9fDJZTQeEBedSUDYcKdU-mOwGkZa_HATTIHXonS8wzL60ZjTSSZLRMmxDPqK7Rm9zrWFUZiwFrlAy0WRoGEuP1ybfZmHf8oKULo5csafT9AdZ_rPZ8lp-jSi/w640-h360/ss_6380bd42aa19069bb639c77c23ff59bd3d39c11d.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<p class="MsoNormal">Is Crimsonland a good game? Yes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Is it a great game?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Also yes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If I had to level any criticism here, and being an erstwhile
critic, I suppose I do have to, Crimsonland starts out slow. Literally slow.
It can feel bogged down, playing on the introductory levels, until you grab a speed
powerup. But this is by design. Later levels wouldn’t feel as fast, otherwise. It
lets you plan and strategize a bit, rather than run around in a mad dash
shooting without thought. This is, of course, rectified by playing in a more
advanced mode. But by forcing people to play through at a lower/slower
difficulty initially, I can see this turning a few people off, who want fast
action from the start. It probably would have been better to let veteran
players access the harder settings from the start.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first two worlds, divided into sub-levels, are also
fairly easy. Only once or twice was I overwhelmed before I reached the end of
the second set. At which point, it gets hard enough that some sub-levels
require a few attempts. It’s a balance, and they’ve more or less pulled it off,
playing it in the longer term. It probably could have ramped up the challenges
a bit earlier. The first two worlds mostly serve to introduce the new enemies
and allow you to unlock weapons and perks.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Like the weapons, the perks have a lot of variety. More than
the weapons, even, with all sorts of add-ons. My own favorites generate
additional perks, or cause the perk tokens to gravitate toward you out of a
crowd of enemies. There’s a lot of thought behind this overall system.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, my only actual criticism toward this game, and Ten Ton
in general, is the Doom knock-off cover art. Just bad form, I feel, even for a
group of budding indie game designers. The game stands on its own, and
shouldn’t be invoking a more established franchise that furthermore doesn’t even
have much at all to do with this one in terms of gamplay. Plus it’s just kind
of gauche and low-class to do.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1mnhpMymwwLBLoBFVDPxZvPCin_oHCHO0gs0qGr0poHeyYF6ywK_0NpJeIkdzztGIrGCZ5_OxgLilWU0zL5FFSGFGJ7YkXB423rgX7T9gAFh1RDrwm0izwkKDUZIO0IrHgdOwgPM_CJGf/s616/capsule_616x353.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="353" data-original-width="616" height="366" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1mnhpMymwwLBLoBFVDPxZvPCin_oHCHO0gs0qGr0poHeyYF6ywK_0NpJeIkdzztGIrGCZ5_OxgLilWU0zL5FFSGFGJ7YkXB423rgX7T9gAFh1RDrwm0izwkKDUZIO0IrHgdOwgPM_CJGf/w640-h366/capsule_616x353.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Crimsonland, it appears, begat the amazing <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/636100/Tesla_vs_Lovecraft/?curator_clanid=396411">Tesla Vs.Lovecraft</a>.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve wanted this one for a few years, since I saw a video of
being run on the PS4, so I jumped on it as soon as I found it was on Steam. Not
before getting its own sequel, though. But I’m getting ahead of myself, here.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Take all of the good bits from Crimsonland, remove any niggling
bad things, and then make everything 10x better. That’s Tesla vs. Lovecraft in
a nutshell.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Gorgeous. Enthralling. Challenging. I can’t say enough good
things about this one. From the intriguing premise to the multi-dimensional
maps, this game keeps on giving. Staring with the random quotes from the
protagonists on the intro screen, Tesla vs. Lovecraft is about loving attention
to detail. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The maps are medium-sized scrollers with plenty of
obstacles, a huge departure from Crimsonland’s stark playing fields. The steampunk
background graphics are lushly drawn. Bits of the levels are destructible,
which makes each section play differently as it progresses. The integrated
Tesla and Lovecraft mythos really ties the room together, dude.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of the gameplay mechanics is a Tesla Warp that moves you
forward a few yards. Helpful when you’re getting overwhelmed, it also allows
you to pass through some barriers and fences and is integral to your overall
strategy. And you will be overwhelmed. It’s considerably tougher than
Crimsonland from the start.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You start off in a Tesla mech, with insane firepower. Fun,
you say, and begin blasting everything around you to bits. But, unstable tech
as it is, that lasts about fifteen seconds or so before exploding, leaving you vulnerable
to attack. The suit can be reassembled by finding the various pieces scattered
about, giving you another boost of firepower and invulnerability.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are weapons scattered about, of course, and these are
also necessary if you want to advance. Combine these with the perk system, and
the game stays interesting, round after round. Actually, it gets more
interesting as you advance. Enemies, weapons, and perks are all slowly added
level by level, so the more you play, the more involved everything gets.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVGGfzc65EyGrdE4gv70y_-dxLpWasNa_vkwQptSG8-PTEpfQXsXC9B51_juN_E9XCKu0lvSWM4yR55zy4mPeitBUS4FBukff0Hlu9Ck_uG48UGDH-5xivtK0LyjFt1uKv2KJwSfQI8b_/s1920/ss_3156a87c58a1437bd7b66e8948d2ab2fb5ec1d0a.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrVGGfzc65EyGrdE4gv70y_-dxLpWasNa_vkwQptSG8-PTEpfQXsXC9B51_juN_E9XCKu0lvSWM4yR55zy4mPeitBUS4FBukff0Hlu9Ck_uG48UGDH-5xivtK0LyjFt1uKv2KJwSfQI8b_/w640-h360/ss_3156a87c58a1437bd7b66e8948d2ab2fb5ec1d0a.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<p class="MsoNormal">I can’t tell you exactly what all of these artifacts and
perks do, at this point, I just know you need them. Play a level long enough and
you’ll come across a nuke, which destroys everything in the surrounding area.
Without these, progressing would be almost impossible. There are plenty of
portals scattered about that keep generating new enemies, with no way to
destroy them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But run and gun long enough, and Cthulu appears. I prefer to
think of it as a junior Cthulu. They’re the size of a monument or something,
and can be eliminated with 30-50 shots or so, ending the round. I daresay you’re
not going to do that with the actual chaos god.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There’s a map system for the levels, and it intriguingly
holds three layers of gameplay. While it’s unfortunate, I guess, that some of
them are DLC, it does give you something to acquire after you eventually beat
the primary map. Or perhaps they are unlockable as well, it’s too soon to tell,
for me. With the way everything builds up level by level, I expect there will
be great new additions to the story and bigger boss-type battles in my future. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It's all very polished and engrossing, and I can’t recommend
it enough.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYE-wswqg4GAm4Sg9wL5SI7hNwihEmKhtzJGSosiuL-tfzxiR7Gb7_rHE5IhhwFlP_RTHs6dMsV3PHZMEQVH6FDVUrvgsHhgB_BELVFOq90nRLrDO2mTVXpgFvD3k_qjyTnCgfnK6iTaaH/s460/header.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="215" data-original-width="460" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYE-wswqg4GAm4Sg9wL5SI7hNwihEmKhtzJGSosiuL-tfzxiR7Gb7_rHE5IhhwFlP_RTHs6dMsV3PHZMEQVH6FDVUrvgsHhgB_BELVFOq90nRLrDO2mTVXpgFvD3k_qjyTnCgfnK6iTaaH/w640-h300/header.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />Tesla Vs. Lovecraft leads us to <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/1149710/Tesla_Force/">Tesla Force</a>.<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I have read comments from people online complaining that
Tesla Force is just more Tesla vs. Lovecraft. Like that’s a bad thing. In fact,
it’s in many ways an improvement. There are now four playable characters, with
women (Marie Curie and Mary Shelley) included this time around. Portals can now be destroyed if you manage
to stay within its boundaries long enough. There’s more storyline involved with
this one. There’s even more depth to the playfields, although it’s merely an
added graphical element.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The cutscene art has changed in style a bit, but both games
are excellently crafted as far as that goes. I do wish the theme song had
changed, because playing both extensively makes me appreciate it a tiny bit
less.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One thing I don’t like about it as much is that you now have
to actively press a button to pick up a new weapon. This can be hard to do in
the heat of the moment. It’s a very Tony Hawk Pro Skater 4 change that I don’t
agree with. It does stop you from changing weapons when you don’t want to, but
I definitely prefer the mechanic of Tesla Vs. Lovecraft in this area. I’d say
it’s a minor point, but it’s really not, seeing how important weapons are to
the game. Given more time under my belt with it, I’ll probably get used to the
change.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8J50pK2VYOs7yM7Dv_9m8NZBcNkct6skjhXSJ7GcyE2c839QhmH415VNfQcVm77-xd40EW6vwQh4cNdqfHyPYbRcVzgSP9Eulasvjy5ZsiJrtAEx3mHXq0S6w9xHMwRmRIz8RFHI8H6w/s1920/ss_9ca06fe9a764f469c9d8bacd0c9e01bb2e36c2ab.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk8J50pK2VYOs7yM7Dv_9m8NZBcNkct6skjhXSJ7GcyE2c839QhmH415VNfQcVm77-xd40EW6vwQh4cNdqfHyPYbRcVzgSP9Eulasvjy5ZsiJrtAEx3mHXq0S6w9xHMwRmRIz8RFHI8H6w/w640-h360/ss_9ca06fe9a764f469c9d8bacd0c9e01bb2e36c2ab.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<p class="MsoNormal">Otherwise, it’s a great sequel to a great game. Something
else I’ll say about all three games is that it thoughtfully gives you the
option to autofire with the right stick, or use it to aim and then fire with a
trigger switch. When I first played, it defaulted to the trigger, so I was
pleasantly surprised to find the other option, and never looked back. Overall,
this is a more complex and involved version of an already great game.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Finally, I’ll add that there is a very good <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/bundle/15788/Tesla_Ultimate_Bundle/">bundle</a> on Steam
that will net you both Tesla games and some DLC, and at a great price, as well.
It’s probably your best bet if you enjoy this sort of game. I’m looking forward
to playing these on a big screen instead of my meager laptop…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4dyHej9SC0-ltQdsKU6gLD_VXXLefgfiKbyjpvgMevyHYZ-rJCtFZsCBTCiURwrfCt58v206x4gAGSm6nwbHGNmDC9C9gyD_3THs1BvnzuwKVi42aVjnSVm6EmEN233H-iz2CJjdayZn4/s259/images.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="259" data-original-width="194" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4dyHej9SC0-ltQdsKU6gLD_VXXLefgfiKbyjpvgMevyHYZ-rJCtFZsCBTCiURwrfCt58v206x4gAGSm6nwbHGNmDC9C9gyD_3THs1BvnzuwKVi42aVjnSVm6EmEN233H-iz2CJjdayZn4/w479-h640/images.jpg" width="479" /></a></div><br />But wait, there’s more!<p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I also picked yet another twin-stick game from 10-Tons. I won’t
fault <a href="https://store.steampowered.com/app/654050/JYDGE/?curator_clanid=396411">Jydge</a> for being a thinly disguised Judge Dredd game, though, because
there aren’t many good Judge Dredd games. Are there any at all? I can only
remember a fairly lame platform shooter game, and that was thirty years ago.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This one’s a bit different than the others. A twin-stick
shooter, sure, but with enough differences to put this one in another class
entirely. Rather than just blasting and running, you’re given tasks like
recusing hostages. Hostages that die if you shoot them. Or shoot the explosives
around them. You’re likely to fail the first few rounds until you adapt to the
semi-stealth tactics. Which is an odd approach for a Judge Dredd style
character, but it works. Another mechanic that took some getting used to was
that it is slightly more realistic in the way you aim. You can walk backwards
while shooting, which is sort of a crucial feature of twin-stick games, but you
have to take aim first, and then start backing up. It makes sense, although it’s
a bit off-putting to learn in the heat of your first rounds.<o:p></o:p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIW7HrPVHTGOkNJu7koAZmVNparkcLJmALcUJ0cstN_h2-Za7NUp2f7m6yeRG0CrI0L9Xt3S0_XZEuqWfuKfNscZsPGVlBTblXaTFYoE9_Ubv_ZTuHpuWU3ceNLzpnNd3LMZy6Jkdaw6JZ/s1920/ss_ac61aeb5e9144af2fe25b9075c66adb555e05a86.1920x1080.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIW7HrPVHTGOkNJu7koAZmVNparkcLJmALcUJ0cstN_h2-Za7NUp2f7m6yeRG0CrI0L9Xt3S0_XZEuqWfuKfNscZsPGVlBTblXaTFYoE9_Ubv_ZTuHpuWU3ceNLzpnNd3LMZy6Jkdaw6JZ/w640-h360/ss_ac61aeb5e9144af2fe25b9075c66adb555e05a86.1920x1080.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p class="MsoNormal">While it’s not as lush as the Tesla games, it’s all very
well-drawn, with lots of detail. There’s a bigger emphasis on ambient lighting,
here, and that adds to the feel as well as being part of the level design. Or
so I recall. I’m still joystick-deep in Tesla Vs. Lovecraft at the moment. Check
this one out if you want a tiny bit more strategy than just running and blindly
firing. I look forward to spending more time with this one once I beat the
others.</p><p class="MsoNormal">Ten Tons is shaping up to be one of my favorite game houses of late, and I'm interested in seeing what else they have on offer. </p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.10tons.com/Games.html">Ten Tons Ltd. website</a>.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-9298372377704259662021-06-05T18:06:00.000-05:002021-06-05T18:06:02.437-05:00(Re) Finding (Captain) Nemo<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-patrick-griffin"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="900" height="214" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVKKJHSXEVuK4vvKrVeqNCxb7ukOFnNy2uTXm79IqWvk-JcIRfVwO_kq-1pXeGSf8xRvEAKKa0Cpi_CttQxtk1oNTLaKPfz7Cmh78gJ3XBsGAvhbjRutKYXAmjWK10za5ksGX9aIyrUnVB/w640-h214/the-nautilus-patrick-griffin.jpg" width="640" /></a></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://fineartamerica.com/profiles/1-patrick-griffin">Painted by Patrick Griffin</a></div><p></p><p>As is sometimes the case, I found myself out of things to
read. I located a few Barnes & Nobles classics around the house and picked
up Mysterious Island by Jules Verne. But I also had 20,000 Leagues Under the
Sea. How much did I actually remember of that book, I wondered? After all, Mysterious
Island is a direct sequel. So I decided to re-read Leagues, instead. Because once
I started thinking about it, I realized I couldn’t have been older than ten when
I first read it. This is not a book for ten-year-olds. I doubt I absorbed much of it, at the time.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was also of interest to me as I have long since written
an homage of sorts, <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Hurricane-Regina-Audiobook/B00ATRU8LK">Hurricane Regina</a>, as an intersection between Verne, Clive Cussler,
and Robert Heinlein. His classic was the most murky in my mind as I did so, and
I was curious as to what similarities existed beyond the most obvious.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m glad I re-read it. I had my first ‘duh’ moment before I
had finished with the biography included before the actual story. He wrote it
in French! This seems wildly obvious, but I had never considered that until
just a few weeks ago. This affects nothing, and everything. How odd that such a
basic fact can evade knowledge. Consequently, I realized I had a lot to learn.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Never underestimate the value of a, now maligned in some circles,
classical education. Mr. Verne piles on scads of oceanography, geography,
history, engineering, Greek and Roman mythology, marine biology, and so much
more, to the point of near exhaustion, at times, that you cannot help but walk
away from this novel more informed than you were before you read it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know many college graduates in this
day and age with his breadth of knowledge.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Granted, it’s a bit heavy-handed, at times. The descriptions
of marine life by genus and species sometimes feels like cataloging. This is often
counterbalanced by very poetic prose. It’s a curious mix. Of course, this is
all in perfect harmony with the lead character, himself both a scholar and
enthusiast. His conveyance of location, direction, time, speed of travel, and depth
is similarly detailed in its ultra-realism, and contributes greatly to the
overall immersion you receive. Although Verne’s travels abroad were all above
sea level, Leagues gives the impression that he himself had indeed spent a
considerable amount of time exploring the ocean’s depths in person.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Verne also manages to establish himself as an early
proponent of ecology. Numerous passages exist lamenting overfishing and the
despoiling of the ocean ecosystems by man. At the same time, the crew of the
Nautilus gleefully kill and eat almost every creature they encounter in
abundance. It’s a convergence of theory and practice that I’m not sure he was
aware of as he wrote it. Teary paragraphs decrying the destruction of ocean
life are met with scenes of hauling in great nets of wildlife to stock their
seemingly infinitely accommodating larders. Not even birds and quadrupeds are
safe from their lust for dietary variety. Of course, their hauls are but a drop
in literal oceans, in terms of scale.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">His characterizations are not the most fleshed out
personalities in literature, to be sure. Robert Louis Stevenson basically
called them all Mary Sues. For the most part, they seem to exhibit bravery and
apprehension, and little else. They do tend to have slightly more depth than I
am giving them credit for, but not by much. This is simply not that sort of
literature. The protagonist is primarily wonderous, his sidekick servile and
loyal, their Canadian compatriot angry and dissatisfied.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Captain Nemo himself proves to be the most enigmatic of the
characters, driven by events that are merely alluded to, and is alternatingly
gruff, expansive, mysterious, and vindictive. He is a true anarchist, albeit
not of the most principled sort. Sometimes motivated by self-preservation, he’s
also at times suicidal. He’s also a bit of a pirate, although the riches he
plunders are the possessions of others only in theory. I get the impression
that he was perhaps the inspiration for Ayn Rand’s character Ragnar Danneskjold.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nemo is easily the most complex
character, taking center stage while at the same time remaining in the
background for much of the novel. Nowhere is the dichotomy of his nature more
apparent than in the scene whereby this champion of the ocean slaughters a huge
pod of sperm whales because he thinks they’re assholes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In terms of pacing and suspense, Verne is spot on. He
manages to convey the feeling of being confined and losing your sense of time
quite well, and also shows how if affects the characters involved. There are
numerous events that break up the monotony, compelling you forward with genuine
concern for the outcome of each.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As an early work of speculative science fiction, Verne is
amazingly on the mark. There are very few things he got wrong in any real
sense. The workings of the sub are complex but almost entirely accurate. His
understanding of the value of electricity is impressive. It doesn’t matter that
his view of battery storage was unworkable when he wrote the novel, in terms of
size and output. They did become feasible. He speaks of the possibility of a
land mass in Antarctica, which was at the time only a theory, although actually
planting a flag at the exact location of the pole would have been unworkable in
terms of geography without a lengthy and perilous trek on foot. Most fascinatingly,
he talks about the few existing undersea telegraph cables connecting the U.S.
to Europe, able to transmit information with a delay of .32 seconds. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Even as a study of etymology, this novel has value, with
words that have changed meaning or spelling over time, primarily with things
like ingulfed/engulfed, and to-day/to-tomorrow. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As scholar Victoria Blake, who wrote the
forward of this edition notes, it is not without error. The relative density of
steel to water is off by a degree of magnitude. She attributes this to a likely
translation issue, but as a researcher/literary historian, I would expect her
to clear this matter up fully. Most distressingly, the very last page refers to
“Captain Nero”, and I’m pretty sure that is not intentional. Come on, B &
N. Do better. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another extremely interesting detail I leaned when reading
this again for the first time, the word squid is never used, except as a
footnote included by Blake. The Nautilus and crew are in fact attacked by what
is called a giant cuttlefish.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If I may be so bold and pretentious as to level an actual
criticism at this work, it would be the ending. I haven’t read such a
slapped-together deus ex machina device since Tom Sawyer wanders into the end
of Huckleberry Finn. There is great peril as the protagonists seek to make
their escape, gripping suspense, and then boom… it’s over. They’re safe. Mr. Aronnax
himself, the principal character, doesn’t know what happened, or how. I realize
writing an epic novel like this one is a labor, and I can definitely relate to
wanting to wrap something up when you are near the end. But surely a work of
this scope merits more than a half-page conclusion. Verne’s editors, instead of
making him remove crucial pieces of Nemo’s backstory, should have demanded a
more fleshed-out ending.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, how does my own oceanic novel relate to this classic
tale?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I won’t even pretend it’s in the same, erm, league, of course.
I made no attempt at hard science. My own mysterious captain and his impossible
sub are definitely tributes. Both are driven by unknown motivations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The crews of the two subs are similar in that
mine are clones, and Nemo’s are almost entirely without personality or
dialogue. And there are giant squid in both. And that’s basically it. It’s an homage of
sorts, but I’d like to think the story itself is my own. Without the
groundbreaking work of Mr. Jules Verne, it is unlikely that my own novella
would even exist. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Onward to The Mysterious Island I go…<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://www.depauw.edu/sfs/backissues/95/harpold95-images.htm">Verne's Cartographies</a></p><p class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11857458">Preview the audiobook of Hurricane Regina, read by Kenneth Lee.</a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-37354965258318012372021-05-22T13:13:00.004-05:002021-06-11T17:03:57.194-05:00The Time I Turned Into A Shape-Shifting Reptilian<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIEZp78kq7vWnQfAN3jI51DWiX7jnaSfmdjoLGnOtXFo6HNWift5f34VnhCXvDJbHH5gddeZCrR5JJ2fvzOu8_Azqwx62mo56Jd6dEUFojzHQ7g8trvgKnsjzNWlfiQbhbwKG9Ylgk92U/s600/The-Reptilian-Elite.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="600" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqIEZp78kq7vWnQfAN3jI51DWiX7jnaSfmdjoLGnOtXFo6HNWift5f34VnhCXvDJbHH5gddeZCrR5JJ2fvzOu8_Azqwx62mo56Jd6dEUFojzHQ7g8trvgKnsjzNWlfiQbhbwKG9Ylgk92U/w640-h426/The-Reptilian-Elite.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p>This one got me kicked out of school…</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In times of great stress, via periods of not sleeping,
possibly as the results of various…factors, some people can experience
momentary bouts of…unwellness.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I am apparently one of those people.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first time it happened in full, I was living in Oakland,
and visiting Berkeley on a daily basis. We were in between jobs as a domestic
couple at the time. Domestic couples generally run large private estates together. But we had tired of Orange County and decided to check out the San
Francisco area.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Probably a mistake.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I remember we took two hippie kids to a Dead show that they
needed a ride to. We were appalled that they referred to us as “yuppies”. It
was certainly not our view of ourselves. We did have a brand-new jeep, and I
had taken to wearing two rather ostentatious gold nugget rings, so I guess it
was understandable. Most of our clothes came from Nordstrom’s.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Berkeley is a wild place, and I invite everyone to check it
out. Get on a plane, go there, experience it. Then get back on a plane and
leave. I swear, they pump crazy gas into the air, there. Everything is
graffitied in Berkeley. The street signs are all bent and twisted. It’s a
psychedelic experience even while sober.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">While we looked for a new project, I had taken to street
theater, to a degree. As was the fashion of the time. I wore a big leather top
hat that had a Mad Hatter style label on it that said “Da Mayor’. And declared
myself Mayor of Berkeley. This is utterly commonplace behavior, there.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I mostly hung out on Telegraph Avenue, ping-ponging between
two CD stores that are big in the area. I would buy CDs from kids going in to
sell them, offering them $3 each. They would reject my proposal, then come
right back after the stores offered them something like $1 each. I would then
get a weekend booth at the Oakland Swap meet and sell them for $7 each.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was a good hustle, and one we ran again later in
Louisiana, opening the third used CD store in the state, and that was even more
successful.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Still, it was a bit of a culture shock, northern California.
One weekend I had some books on display. Not to sell, but as conversation
pieces. The Emperor Wears No Clothes, which Jack Herer had signed for me in Newport
Beach, and The Anarchist’s Cookbook.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Ooh,”, a kid said. “Anarchist Cookbook! Someone stole mine.
Want to trade some herb for it?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sure, why not?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">At that point, he opens a large manila mailing envelope, and
pulls out a handful of sacks. In front of literally hundreds of people. To us,
it was freaky. It felt like waving it around at the mall or something. But no
one batted an eye.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I soon took to selling CDs during the week, as well as buying
them. By setting up a folding table on the sidewalk. I based my actions on a
recent court ruling that declared that speech related items didn’t require a
business license to sell, as it was a restriction on free speech. Good luck
discussing court rulings with police.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So they shut me down, and I went to the library to do some research
on the laws. What I learned was that Berkeley has this law on the books from
the 60s or 70s: “The Police In Berkeley Shall Make Marijuana Smoking Its Lowest
Possible Priority.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Which explained why people would smoke a joint on the
streets and wave at cops, who would wave back. Jaywalking was more serious. A
dog pooping on the sidewalk was more serious.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But the existing laws, despite the recent ruling, only
allowed people to sell hand-crafted goods on the street, and then only with a street
vendor’s license. And there were only 200 of those in existence, most given to
people who had disappeared.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hippies, amirite?<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Things got progressively weird for me. Or, rather, I did.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This culminated in me staying up all night as I read “The
Library Policeman” by Stephen King to my wife in full. It probably took eight
to ten hours. She went to sleep. I did not.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Another odd thing about northern California is the lack of
air conditioners. So, while the only sound in the apartment was the occasionally
cycling of the refrigerator motor, I looked outside to see an entirely silent
car slowly going down the street, with one person going through all the open
vehicles to steal stuff. I made eye contact with the driver.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">By dawn, I was pretty spun.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was a construction dumpster across the street, and it
started making noises. A bum came out of it, white-faced, looking quite like
death itself. Naturally, I confronted him about his presence. And he said the
strangest thing to me. At least I think he did, I can’t be sure.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Anything in the streets is fair game.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Which was actually more or less true, and innocuous, but it
didn’t sit well with me.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He left at my request, but I was amped up. I took a 2 x 4
piece, and wacked a few street signs with it. It sounded very much like
gunshots. And although this wasn’t East Oakand, it was Oakland. G-rides started
driving by. I gave them the universal t-pose “You motherfuckers want some?” gesture
indigenous to the west coast.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They in fact did not want any.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Two Jehovah’s Witness types walked up.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Are you guys FBI?” I asked them.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Yes,” they said, straight-faced.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Oh, dear. This was not a good Saturday.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A few hours later, I had convinced my wife to drive us back
to Louisiana. I wanted no part of California. So I dumped a few thousand dollars’
worth of books in the garbage, we packed what we could fit into the jeep, and
left.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In broad daylight. With no air conditioner. This is an
important detail because we always drove back and forth at night. It’s
unbearably hot, otherwise. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I woke up in Bakersfield, after getting a tiny bit of what I
really needed, sleep. My mind was ablaze with delusions regarding car colors,
symbolism, and all manner of wrongthink.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This episode culminated in me punching out the windshield.
Throwing my rings out the window, along with some music I had recorded and lost
forever.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then jumping out and stripping naked, running down the
Bakerfield highway barefoot. I jumped on semis. Threw up gang signs. Four lanes
of traffic as far as the eye could see were backed up. Military vehicles, everything.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And no one did anything about it for 30 minutes or so. But
when you get .45s pointed at you, you can kind of come back to reality a bit.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">A bit. All this is just prologue to the real story, here.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It happened again, years later, at University of Louisiana
at Lafayette.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I woke up on the couch one day, butcher knife under my
pillow. That’s odd, I thought.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next thing I knew, I was sleepwalking across campus,
clad only in blue Adidas shorts. Looking not unlike a young Charles Manson.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I made it almost all the way across the entire university,
which is sizable, and was accosted by the school security. Who pepper sprayed
me. I hadn’t actually done anything illegal. But whaddaya gonna do? Ultimately,
I ended up missing too many classes to finish the semester. But I still had my
campus apartment.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Understandably, the school wanted me out. But had no actual
standing to evict me. So they talked to my neighbors and devised a plan. We
were called into some chancellor’s office, where they raised an indiscretion
that was so absurd, we actually laughed, thinking it was some sort of joke.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Your daughter came outside, put a dildo on her forehead, and
said, ‘I’m a unicorn’.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Erm, no, we didn’t own any dildos, thanks.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But it was enough, railroading or not, to cause us to have
to leave.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So we moved into one of my wife’s family’s rent houses about
30 miles north of Lafayette. As we were unloading our stuff, along comes this
girl named Sandra. Sandra was an ex-stripper turned crack smoker. And she was
with some guy with a bandaged hand. As wild coincidences go when this sort of thing
is happening, he was the father of the girl who had colluded with the university
to evict us. At the same time we were in the offices getting thrown out, he got
his hand crushed pretty badly. And someone shot his German Shepherd that he had
had for ten years.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As Sandra was leaving, she leaned over and said in the voice
of my boss from work at school, “You take care of yourself, okay?” It was a
little unnerving. She had the mannerisms of Deborah as well. Just for that few
odd moments. This is all perceptual, of course. Or so I would prefer to think.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I went into the bathroom. Looked in the mirror. For a
half-second, I not only looked like Deborah, but I had scaly green skin, and
reptile eyes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Okay…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">That night, my wife and daughters slept at her parent’s, as
I was pretty out there. That night I had a dream. A nightmare, I guess? I was
chased through some dark city projects at night by a reptilian Stephen King the
size of a refrigerator…<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But I started getting better, and the next day they were
back. The next week, we drove by campus.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And got pulled over. Separated. Questioned.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Where were you a week ago?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">She explained that we were at our house, far from Lafayette.
<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Okay. You guys can go.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Hol’ up. Why did you do this?”, she asked.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Because a girl got her head cut off in the campus
apartments the night y’all left…”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Um, wow. Okay.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, people used to ask me later, “You were a pretty
promising UL student, and you just disappeared one day. What happened?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Well,” I would say as a joke. “They claimed I bit one cop
and punched the other in the stomach, but I distinctly remember turning into a
dinosaur-type thing and eating them.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Haha.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The kicker of all this is, it all happened *years* before
<a href="https://davidicke.com/">David Icke</a> and the shape-shifting reptilian phenomenon swept the internet. The
best I can come up with is that it was partly influenced by the movie Species. A reptilian classic.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And, as I like to say now, “There is no such thing as shapeshifting
reptilians…but if there is, I probably am one.”<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">Here's my <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20080509093838/http://www.bedoper.com/reptilian/archive22.htm">"Haha, Reptilians" website</a> Reptilian Watch that I ran many years later, when David Icke became a phenomenon. On archive.org. Kinda haha, anyway. Half-haha?</p><p class="MsoNormal">I write sci-fi and fantasy, among other things, often loosely based on real-life experiences I've had. Check out <a href="https://www.audible.com/pd/Hurricane-Regina-Audiobook/B00ATRU8LK">Hurricane Regina</a>, narrated by Kenneth Lee. It has some pretty good high weirdness.</p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8599532766802668794.post-47767751978996494512021-05-22T11:07:00.004-05:002021-06-17T13:58:04.334-05:00The Time I Dissed Trip Hawkins of Electronic Arts<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRfwSOVhP4OQPl1eAVwRQe7NWt4XYzdXPU5H3Y1vL_JkfBDp8LyMLFZAVkGCGFhhuKlJSyFX3R_uU5lmMwD2r1V2VTLNiZgtn-iSA9Yur7Fb0ykyRSWXEINDGc5EyRJYPXLGo0biStkZ-Y/s480/trip-600x440.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="271" data-original-width="480" height="362" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRfwSOVhP4OQPl1eAVwRQe7NWt4XYzdXPU5H3Y1vL_JkfBDp8LyMLFZAVkGCGFhhuKlJSyFX3R_uU5lmMwD2r1V2VTLNiZgtn-iSA9Yur7Fb0ykyRSWXEINDGc5EyRJYPXLGo0biStkZ-Y/w640-h362/trip-600x440.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I used to go to University of Lafayette, my main
running buddy was Techno Nick. Nick was tall, and cool, and awkward, and wore
bell-bottom jeans at all times. We used to get high, all day every day, and worked
together in our little student IT jobs at the business college.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One day we came in and saw the other IT kids trying to run
CAT-5 cable through the ceiling panels, because we were upgrading from coax Token
Ring networking. It was probably our first day on the job.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">They were running a single strand at a time, removing a
ceiling tile, shoving it down a few tiles, replacing it, getting down, moving
the ladder.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Nick and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We took all eleven cables or whatever it was, tied them to
something. Nick poked his head up through the ceiling, and threw the whole
bundle down the length of the hallway to the other lab. Basically completing hours
of work for them in a few seconds.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He came down, and the head of the COBA IT department was
ecstatically grateful.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“We’re going to…” I began.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Lunch?” she said. Knowing full well that I meant we were going
to get high.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So Nick and I brainstormed on various projects that we never
quite put into action. I was already swamped with what I was working on at the
time.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of plans was the GUI for an operating system. I do
remember that we had come up with the idea of menus that floated the most used option
to the top, something I saw in some products a few years later, including Windows. But the one we
were most excited about was a color Vectrex.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Vectrex was a 1981 vector monitor cartridge-based gaming system. Black
and white lines, like Asteroids. It only had about 34 games ever released, and
we wanted a machine that would play Tempest. Color, in other words.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Things happened, of course, and we didn’t get past the
dreaming and planning stage. Only later did I find out a <a href="https://vectrex.fandom.com/wiki/Color_Vectrex_prototype">prototype color Vectrex existed</a>, although I don’t think the one people found even fully works. Lately I discovered someone on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uC-oMtVSYI">Youtube who managed to add color to existing Vectrexes</a>, which is
very cool.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But several years later, I found myself at Louisiana Tech. I
wanted a more challenging school environment.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The first thing I did, though, was take over the radio
station, KLPI.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I got elected into an unpaid librarian position. Basically,
I was given access to the archive of old albums and could dig through them at
will. I think it was in a dorm building closed off because of asbestos.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course I used it as a band practice area.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It was me, a kid named John who played guitar, and a cute,
mousey red-headed girl named Margaret. Margaret played bass and had a
Lemmy-style Rickenbacker that was as big as she was.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I played drums and sang some of the songs, with John and
Margaret swapping vocal duties for various other cover tracks.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Most memorably, I sang <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the D.R.I. song “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fMFie_AQGXY">Yes, Ma’am</a>”, John sang some
metal drinking song from a band I can’t recall (John was an alcoholic), and
Margaret sang “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJS7yghEKAs">Stripped, Raped, and Strangled</a>” by Cannibal Corpse. With lyrics
rewritten to be about guys instead of girls. It was a great little band, and
she was really something to see when performing it. We were pretty good as far
as thrown-together college bands go.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I also got keys to the station and used it as my personal
jukebox.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I had my little radio slot, something like 10am-Noon or something.
But I wouldn’t follow a playlist, do any bumpers, announcements, song IDs,
station IDs, anything. I just played cool songs. What we were *supposed* to do
was play the songs they told us to play, and every hour or so we could play one
or two of our own choices. Yeah, no.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But we also used to be able to go in whenever no one else
had a slot, and just play whatever we wanted. At least I did, anyway. I would
go in at night, put on something like El-P’s first album, and clean the entire
station.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We also had a dildo of a station manager named Will. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We started butting heads over everything I did, but mostly
because he was crazy concerned with the FCC. Now, the FCC ‘Safe Harbor’ regulation
actually states that profanity, to a degree, is okay in the off-hours of the
night. But Will wanted to be in radio proper and wouldn’t listen to anything
like that. One night I was playing the Machines of Loving Grace “Concentration”
album in full, and I got a call from an angry Will.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Did they just say SLEEP WITH THE MOTHERFUCKING FISHES
TONIGHT?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hung up on him. Got on the air. “Hey, whoever that old
lady is who keeps calling and complaining, you can go to hell.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This all becomes relevant later on.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Because I needed a project. I’ve found that it’s a very good
idea to take on one big project every semester, if you can find one. You push
yourself, you generate some good resume fodder, and sometimes, you accomplish
cool things.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This was the Top Dawg Business Plan Writing Competition.
Great. Because the top prize was something like $5,000.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">You needed a team of students, so I signed my wife on. In
reality, she was a placeholder. I was up against teams of, like, five Indian
grad students. Me, the perpetual freshman.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The project was a game company called Crash and Burn. The
product, initially, was a multi-system luggable emulator. Essentially me and Techno
Nick’s color Vectrex brought to life. But, much better, because it had a rotating
monitor that could display horizontally and vertically, and ran ROMs from every
possible working system. Pretty simple to throw together, really.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I got deep into writing a 54-page business plan or whatever
it was. Hired a graphic artist to make some beautiful mockup posters for the
presentation. When it came time for the first round of the competition, my project
was easily the most viable, interesting, and potentially profitable. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I scored well in that round, and looked poised to win.
Better yet, we had another month or so to revise the project based on feedback,
and represent for the final round of judging.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then came time for the station manager and others to audit
the DJs.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Please,” they pleaded. “Just follow the playlist for an
hour or two while we audit you. We have to write up a report.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hahahaha. No.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My set that morning was Rick Wakeman’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YJ9W2pZwvlY">Journey to the Centre of the Earth</a>”, Mike Oldfield’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eE0hhLT3E7g">Tubular Bells</a>”, and the first side of
Venom’s “<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gm6BXLBqnJQ">At War With Satan</a>”, instrumental version.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Rick Wakeman was the keyboard player for Yes, and the whole
album is a rock opera of amazing caliber. Mostly instrumental, it tells the
entire Jules Verne story, punctuated by insane prog rock driven by some of the best synthesizer
playing of all time. It was sampled for an LL Cool J song to great effect, and you can hear how it influenced the Beastie Boys' jams on one of their later albums.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Tubular Bells is an album-long instrumental in which
Oldfield plays something like 43 instruments, layering and building to a
massive climax. It was the theme song to the movie The Exorcist. Ice-T opened his first full-length album with it.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Venom was early British proto-thrash metal. And, an album-side instrumental, but right before the big solo part, oops, singer Cronos says, “Fuck the
bastards!”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Slipped my mind.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, my set and the audit ended, and they were livid. Will
wrote me up and tried to make me sign something. I flatly refused.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“If you kids are going to try and flex on me over rules, let’s
also start enforcing laws.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Because theft was rampant, and pretty much all of them were
guilty. Massively guilty. Any new swag that came in was stolen. The best CDs
were immediately stolen. The actual station library was fairly terrible, as a
result.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“John, don’t you have about 200 stolen CDs at your apartment
right now?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This didn’t go over well with them. As a result, I lost my
radio slot. But I still had the keys for the rest of the quarter, and continued
to do sets whenever I wanted.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Not content to let it rest, I started shit with the
Vice-President of Student Affairs over it. “When I win this business plan
writing competition, I’m going to sue your ass.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Foolhardy, in many ways, of course.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was extremely fortunate to have some major league
consultants on my project. Not to throw names around, but they included some
game console and computer designers, major electrical engineers, and game
coders. One became VP of a division of
Sony Games, and eventually the Head of Google Games. Another had a successful
little website where he sold legal game ROMs.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“This is a cool project, but if you’re serious about it, you
need to abandon the idea of hardware altogether. It’s for the big boys only,
because hardware is a loss-leader. You can only lose money on hardware and try
to make it up on software. The numbers aren’t there, and you should switch to a
software-only model.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, I sadly and wisely ditched the hardware component. I
rewrote everything incorporating the new software model. And it was a killer.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Basically, you would buy a disc for the Playstation 2, Xbox,
Gamecube, whatever, and it would include the emulators and a selection of arcade
and console ROMs. Then you could use the online component to connect to a
server and buy additional ROMs. It would monetize the pirate ROM market in the
way that Apple did with MP3s. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As I was writing the revised business plan, Nintendo’s
patent for just such a system was announced. I was definitely on the right
track.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But when I passed the woman who ran the business plan
writing competition in the student union one day, she was looking at me as if
to say, “What the hell have you gotten yourself into?” Because when it came
time for the second, final presentation, two of the three judges had been
replaced. The new guys had questions along the lines of “What’s a video game?”
and “Why do you think video games would be profitable?”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Entirely playing dumb.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My greatly revised and improved, front-running business plan
came in dead last, this time. Of four teams, I came in fourth. Even though
their products and plans were pretty bad that year. The judge from the first
round who stayed on was so upset at the railroading, he made them create an
Honorable Mention category for me on the spot. He was visibly upset.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Not nearly as upset as my wife, who appeared in the school
paper with a look on her face that could kill. A total and complete fuckjob.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">But, oh, well. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Trip Hawkins had left Electronic Arts, and was looking to
start a new company, with the terrible name Digital Chocolate. So I pitched it
to him. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“It’s interesting,” he told me. “But I see too many problems
with it, so I’m going to pass.”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The very business model that later became employed with
great success <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>by Nintendo, Sony,
Microsoft. Another startup, Gametap, I believe, did something similar as well.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Several years later, I dug up the original email from when I
had contacted Hawkins.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“It’s tough,” I wrote him back, “being a mammal among the
dinosaurs…”<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Bonus LOL: He ended up leaving that company, too. But not before <a href="https://www.technesstivity.com/2012/10/consoles-will-be-for-hobbyists-ea-founder-predicts/">predicting the death of the console market in 2012.</a></p><p class="MsoNormal">Silly dinosaur.</p>Jason Z. Christiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17662433953036042624noreply@blogger.com0